Is it a bit rude?

[hipslikecinderella]

Not really heard from dsis since xmas - which isn't unusual as we are not close.
Anyway I bought dniece a few nice busy picture books for xmas. Didn't get a thanks. Again not really unusual.
We are visiting them soon and she has just messaged me a photo of an usbourne book dbil's friend gave dniece, which apparently dniece loved, and can I bring some more like it when we visit at Easter.
She is Scandinavian and they definitely do have different manners.
Yabu - not rude
Yanbu - bit rude

i don’t think it’s that bad

She could have said thanks just as easily? The gift was to her child too.

She could have said thanks just as easily? The gift was to her child too.

It's just always this automatic expectation that it's a mothers responsibility to thank everyone regardless of whether it's her family or her husbands. It's annoying and it's sexist

Yep, just plain rude.

Well, not really. I just challenged the view that as it’s op’s husband’s brother’s child, the onus was on him to say thanks, not the child’s mother as she is considered one step removed.
Plus she’s the one asking for a further gift.

She is Scandinavian and they definitely do have different manners

While they may have different manners, I think expressing gratitude for received gifts is a pretty universal concept. If it's not unusual for her not to thank people for the gifts she receives, then she is just rude. No need to put all scandinavians into the same bucket.

My in-laws (incl. husband's sisters, nieces, nephews and his mother) never thank us for the gifts we bought them. I consider them rude. Without exceptions.

If people are usually polite and didn't thank you once, I can write it off to circumstance but not as a norm.

Plus she’s the one asking for a further gift.

The OP hasn't clarified if she's expecting them as books or just asking her to pick them up for her as she can't get them wherever they live?

Yes I would expect the direct relative to thank you, not the wife. But in asking for another book I would have thought something along the lines of 'loved the book at Christmas, if you were thinking of bringing another blah blah blah...'

Very very rude.

Since she’s married to your DH’s brother, she may think your DH has been thanked by her DH for the gifts iykwim. I don’t really deal with my IL’s very much and DH doesn’t deal with my family much either, I’d expect my DH to thank his family for gifts as I do mine.

Weird that the closest relative should be the one to say thanks for a gift to your joint child. Is that from Debrett’s etiquette manual? 😆

Honestly, over the years I have assumed ex-DP had thanked his family for gifts (On the flip side, I wouldn’t have expected him to call up my mum to thank her) and it turns out that he hadn’t. Is it more likely that’s the case?

Weird that the closest relative should be the one to say thanks for a gift to your joint child.

Why? I would assume in most families the closest relative has the more frequent contact, so it makes sense they would be the one to thank their family.

Why? The phone number is the same no matter who dials it?

@hipslikecinderella YABU to say DNIECE.

However, YANBU to think this is rude, and bleeping cheeky!

Thanking someone doesn’t have to be a “by the way”, casually tacked onto the end of a conversation you were having anyway.
God, what manner you have

She'd be getting a big fat nothing from me.

Weird that the closest relative should be the one to say thanks for a gift to your joint child. Is that from Debrett’s etiquette manual?

Why is that weird? You would just assume that the husbands would be in contact with each other because they're brothers. I like my husbands brother and all but I wouldn't be ringing or texting him or his partner but my husband-his brother-would..........

My husband or I would message thanks for a present. Who does it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter that someone does!

@Gigiweegie exactly.
I replied to say of course, and refrained from pointedly asking how niece liked the book I gave her.