To request children not put together at secondary school?

[Flippetydip]

DS (age 11) is moving up to secondary school in September. He is going to the same school as various friends including one friend in particular. He has specifically asked me to ask school if he can be separated from this particular friend (let's call him Fred) as he, DS, feels that he is responsible for keeping Fred out of trouble at break times and that he, Fred, is a complete distraction to DS in class.

Both boys are relatively bright and have good potential but Fred is somewhat chaotic and hyperactive and has had issues with other children in the year at school. To make things more difficult I know Fred's mum out of school and she is delighted that Fred and DS are friends as she said that Fred goes to DS when he is having problems and finding life difficult as DS provides an excellent support for him.

So, WIBU to ask for them to be in separate classes at secondary school?

No harm in asking anyway.....I just hope Fred's mom isn't thinking of requesting that they be in the same class

Secondary schools are not like primary schools where kids stay in one classroom all day. They move around to different rooms for different subjects. Also if anything like my secondary school they are sorted in to ability. It would not be possible to keep them apart but there prob is a good chance they won’t end up in the same classes. Usually secondary school you spread your wings and find different friends hopefully this will happen in your sons and the other boys case.

Absolutely, but please let school know as early as possible so they can accommodate.
This is a chance for Fred to have a fresh start. We often get primary schools telling us about children with terrible behaviour... but in a new school with new expectations we have no issues whatsoever.

Maybe you could ask for different form classes but they don’t usually spend long in form classes during the day only for registration. Could help them find other friends to walk with to actual lessons from their own forms.

YANBU, but it's not always that simple. DS started secondary this year together with several boys from his primary school. Two were his good friends, the other had been persistently horrible to ds. The secondary school issues a preference form where you can indicate if there are pupils you'd like to be or not be in the same form as you. But ds knew that the mean boy was requesting to be in the same form as ds' two friends. So if ds requested not to be in his form, he'd have risked being on his own while the 2 friends and mean boy were put together.

It can depend on the school. One high school local to me is quite sympathetic to requests to be put together or kept apart from certain kids. My DD's school said don't even ask but they will listen to requests when forms are rejigged, which they do after GCSE options are taken.

No harm in requesting.
Your primary may know the system the secondary uses.
e.g. Our secondary visits primary schools and asks for lots of info including friendships/staying aparts.
You don't need to rush to do this today as they are highly unlikely to start working out tutor groups until the churn on acceptances has died down.

Some schools do very little with their tutor groups. Some do a lot in tutor groups in y7.

Absolutely no harm in asking. I would in this situation. A chance for both your DS and Fred to make a fresh start is no bad thing.

I know Fred's mum out of school and she is delighted that Fred and DS are friends as she said that Fred goes to DS when he is having problems and finding life difficult as DS provides an excellent support for him

That is hugely unfair on your DS, did you ask this other boy's mother why she thought it was OK to land your DS with the job of parenting and supporting her son?

Do these boys socialise outside of school, it might be an idea to widen your DS friendship group without always including this other boy, give him a bit of breathing space. I think it says a lot that your DS is asking for space from this boy.

The good news is that according to mumsnet 110% of people think YANBU

PS. No harm in asking

My DC's secondary school asked which children we would/wouldn't like to be in rhe same form as them but it wasn't guaranteed.

I’ve requested this OP, for similar reasons, no harm in asking.

Do ask.
My DS had a horrible girl in his class in year 6 - I told the secondary school and they made sure they weren’t in the same class.

DC's school have a space on the registration form to flag up any other children that you would prefer not to have in your DC's class. So your school may do similar anyway. As others have said, this will likely only extend to their form group and any classes taught in that class.

You should also be aware that, at the start of Year 7 in particular, a lot of children simply gravitate towards the ones they only know at break times. So you might want to work on strategies for politely distancing himself from Fred with your DS.

I wouldn’t. They won’t have classes in their tutor groups. And most secondary schools use seating plans too.
He needs to seek other friends at breaktimes.

Local 9 form class works in 3 bands

So each band has a different time table

It’s possible they can be in separate classes and separate bands

I have twins who never see each other, until this year GCSE options they have one class together.

I’d ask his school how they sort it out as I know the school has an input

We will be doing same. The friend has extreme anxiety and dd is heavily relied on for support throughout the day. It’s very wearing and she misses out on stuff. She’s had enough. I feel mean tho it dd really doesn’t want to be in her form

Secondary schools ask the primaries about grouping pupils. Mention it to the year 6 teacher

I think it’s fine. I used to do Y7 to Y7 transition, meaning I created the form groups in Y7 using information provided by primary schools. Obviously, you can’t please everyone, but it isn’t unusual to field requests to either separate pupils or put them together. I would suggest speaking to the Y6 teacher to express your concerns and ask if they can pass on your request to the transition team.

You can request they arnt in the same form. But in my DS school he has 5 subjects a day and is rarely with the same children due to ability setting etc. It could be impossible for a school to ensure they are never placed in the same class for each individual subject like a pp mentioned secondry often have searing plans for each lesson anyway.

Other parents will no doubt be asking that they are put together as works well for them having dd as in hand support..

I’d see how they arrange their forms and lessons. At my secondary school, year 7 and 8 did all the different lessons as a form group (the forms were streamed by ability) and it wasn’t until year 9 that we were with different classes for different subjects. In those circumstances I’d definitely put the request in.

Our secondary school and all the others round here keep children in their form classes most of the time in year 7, so separate reg groups would ensure that they hardly see each other. Maths and English are the only subjects streamed by ability until year 9 here.

I requested DD to be separated from a school mate. In all honesty I shouldn't have bothered - there are 300 in her year and she barely sees the child. They've both found their people and they are entirely different, so they never spend time together.