To think that if you’re snoring, you’re asleep!?

[PracticallyMagic]

Sorry this might be long and ranty, but I don't want to drip feed if I can help it, so will include as much as I can!

Please, please can someone just confirm for me so that I’m not completely losing my mind.. if you’re snoring so loud that you’re essentially breaking the sound barrier, you are in fact, asleep?

DH is a snorer. An awful one. A ‘doesn’t matter what side he lays on, what position he’s in’ kind of snorer. It ranges from me being able to hear him no matter what room I’m in, to a ‘softer’ but still continuous snore that tends to keep me up regardless.

We’re currently co-sleeping with our 6 month old breastfed baby (it’s easiest for me right now as baby can feed anywhere between 3 and 6 times per night, ranging from anywhere between 10 minutes to half an hour per feed. So cosleeping eliminates me having to sit up to feed all the time, and baby falls straight back to sleep this way, as opposed to me having to sit and hold the baby while he drifts off, and holding my breath as I place him in the cot, only for him to spring wide awake again!) - DH wants the baby to sleep in his own cot because in DH’s own words ‘he doesn’t get an ounce of sleep with the baby in the bed with us’.

But here’s my issue - 9 times out 10, I’m kept awake until way past midnight almost every night listening to DH snore so loud the mattress is borderline shaking. On the off chance that his snoring is quiet/subtle enough for me to be able to drift off before that time, I’m then kept awake by his snoring when the baby wakes up for a feed, meaning that AT LEAST 3 times a night, I’m laying there listening to him snore for a further hour or so, sometimes longer.

So how is it that he’s snoring this badly, this frequently, disturbing MY sleep so much, yet he’s turning around and telling me that HE’S getting no sleep due to our baby?!

He’s more than happy to want me to spend ages each night trying to settle the baby in to a cot, knowing the baby hates it and it’ll take me forever to do, but the countless time’s I’ve asked him to do something, anything, about his snoring he flat out refuses. ‘Nothing will work’ he says - despite him having never tried anything. ‘You just need to sleep through it’ - good one, not like I haven’t already tried doing that.

So can someone please side with me, and agree that if you’re snoring for hours on end, you are actually asleep!? I’m really struggling to show him any sympathy for his apparent lack of sleep, when I’m seeing over and over again, that he’s in fact having no issues sleeping.
DH is getting annoyed that I keep prodding and poking him to get him to stop when apparently he ‘isn’t doing anything’ or he’s ‘only just fallen asleep and to leave him alone’ 🙄🤬😤

He sounds like my ex husband. He used to insist that he'd only just dropped off and 'one of us might as well get some sleep so stop prodding me.' I left the selfish bastard.

Can you sleep separately? Seems like it'll be the only way you'll get any sleep.

If he snores really badly he needs to see his GP. DH's snoring got progressively worse to the point that he developed sleep apnoea, and a sleep study showed that he had stopped breathing 50 times an hour! He now has a CPAP machine and no longer snores.

He is being utterly selfish. I would kick him every time he snores. I did this with DH, and he got fed up with being woken up and went to see his GP.

My DH often tells me he hasn't slept a wink when, in fact, he has kept me awake all night snoring.

I have this conversation with my DH. I just tell him that if he is 1) making that noise while he is awake he has a serious problem and needs to see a doctor 2) if he is awake and can't hear it he needs to get a hearing aid.

And you're still with this cunt man why?

Chocolate- unfortunately we live in a flat and the only other bedroom is being used by our other DC! I actually took myself and the baby through to the lounge one night last week and set up a makeshift bed on the floor, as it was 1am and I hadn't gotten any sleep thanks to DH's snoring, but I could still hear him in the lounge, so gave up around 3am and went back to bed where I think I eventually managed to get about an hours kip!

Cosleeping was never in our plan, so I try my best to understand and sympathise with DH that our current set up isn't something he necessarily wanted, but, it's growing increasingly difficult for me to feel sorry for his sleep situation, when it's pretty evident the baby isn't stopping him from sleeping whatsoever!

I have been starting to wonder whether he has sleep apnoea. He's always been a snorer, but it's definitely gotten a lot worse over the last 18 or so months. I wouldn't mind so much if I could just nudge him, and he'd stop long enough for me to be able to fall asleep, but I prod or push him, he grunts and moans at me, changes position, and no word of lie, within 10 seconds tops, he's snoring again.

Just kick him every time he snores

I wonder if he really does have breathing issues (like sleep apnoea). Perhaps he's getting really poor quality sleep / waking reasonably regularly (but getting back to sleep quickly) which is why he thinks he's not getting much sleep? Then he's blaming it on the baby...

I'd definitely be telling him that until he sees the GP you're going to wake him whenever his snoring stops you getting to sleep. If he'd already been the to GP then I'd have a lot of sympathy, but right now what he's actually saying is 'My snoring doesn't bother me and I'm not bothered enough that it's keeping you up at night to go to the GP.'

Make it his problem.... Show him what broken sleep really looks / feels like.

I'm afraid I'd leave him if he refuses to deal with it. No way should you have to live like that.

maybe he’s hyper aware of the baby in the bed so he’s not falling into a proper restful sleep

I used to be hyper aware of baby on bed so even though I did doze (and snore) I never went into a restful sleep and would continuously wake

He needs to do a sleep study. People who snore to this extent and disturb the house are incredibly selfish as well as possibly risking their own life.

Sleep apnea is a serious condition that can kill you. It's not something to bloody ignore and let your partner find ways of managing it so they can sleep.

"I try my best to understand and sympathise with DH that our current set up isn't something he necessarily wanted"

Fucks sake. Does he not understand yet that he's a parent, so he needs to show a bit of pragmatism and flexibility - whatever what rosy plans you may make about how things are going to work, babies have their own ideas!

And if he honestly feels he's not getting a good rest, it's possibly more because of his own sleep issues?!

He needs to grow up and get himself to the GP and yes, in the meantime wake him whenever he wakes you (or keeps you awake).

My DH is also a chronic snorer. Some nights worse than others. Difference is he knows he snores and is apologetic about it and has even had surgery to improve it. He always tells me to prod him if he’s snoring and is never an arse about it, so as maddening as it is some nights I manage to not get too irrationally angry with him.

If he made no effort to improve it though and was in denial and thoughtless as to the effect on you - yeah I’d be a mashing him to the sofa I’m afraid.

And I also second the opinion that the reason he think he’s not sleeping is because it’s his SNORING stopping him getting good sleep.

Record him, play it back, make your point and then say it’s the sofa or the GP.

I am a snorer and of course I'm asleep during it. Never a great night's sleep because it affects me but still a lot better than the poor person who listens to it. We sleep separately because of it. I understand that you don't have the room, it must be hell. I know it's hell because I've grown up with a snorer dad.
Download the Snorelab app (basic version is free) and present him with your findings.
Then he can't deny that he has a problem.

Maybe start expressing your milk and get your DH to feed and settle baby into cot each time baby wakes. Then DH gets to have no baby in bed. And as he will likely be awake the entire night, you can have a lovely nights sleep!!!...... If only hey!

Record him. Then wake him and play it back to him. Every.Fucking.Time.

My dh snores. He knows if I wake him to turn over (not as bad on his left side) it's because he's snoring.

Is your dh overweight? Is he fit? Does he drink? You shouldn't co sleep with any adult really who sleeps so deeply they snore that loud. And especially because he is so unreasonable about the baby and being woken.

I'd be trading the sofa for a sofa bed and kicking him onto that. Dh knew when ds was tiny that if he had a drink he had to sleep on the sofa because mine and ds sleep was more important than a few beers and I couldn't co sleep safely which meant even less sleep for me and ds.

I think he's - rightly or wrongly - annoyed about the co-sleeping, because we didn't cosleep with DC1 or DC2. I think he assumed this baby would go straight in to the next-to-me cot as previous DC's did, however, I didn't breastfeed dc1 or 2, so a lot is different this time around!

I agree that if he was apologetic it would be slightly less of an irritation for me, I mean, I'd still be exhausted but at least I wouldn't be quite as mad about it.
But it's the 'stop poking me, I'm not doing anything!' 'Just deal with it' 'there's no point me seeking treatment' attitude that's starting to really rub me up the wrong way. It's all well and good me putting the baby in his cot - which I will be, when his night feeds aren't so frequent - and DH's 'restful' nights returning, but what about me? Am I supposed to just put up with this shit because he doesn't see it as a big deal?

Very tempted to start recording him, but I suspect he'll still try telling me that he's not getting ample sleep. Though his poor sleep, be it caused by the baby or by his own faults, shouldn't mean I have to suffer too, surely?

I'm sorry OP but he sounds like a completely selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone but himself. I would definitely record him and play it back, ask him if he could sleep through that racket!

There are at least two kinds of apnea. Obstructive is the one if you're overweight and your neck has gotten too flabby. People who aren't overlarge might deny they've got it so if your guy says he's not big enough to have apnea that's not an excuse. I've had it all my life through thin & thick, DH developed it with middle age spread. Your man thinks he's been kept awake by the baby but he's just not getting rested because of his own problem. Get him tested and treated asap.

God this is the third selfish and deeply unattractive DP thread I’ve seen this morning. And people are making excuses for this selfish prick like the other ones ! Why can’t we ever expect men to fucking take RESPONSIBILITY for themselves?!

The app records him all through the night and gives him a score. Like moderate, bad whatever.
He sounds like a selfish bastard.

The baby spends probably 70% of the night on my right hand side (I sleep on the right of the bed, DH is on the left), so it's not even like DH is 'close' to the baby all night.

DH isn't exactly fit, but he's not entirely out of shape either. He could probably stand to lose half a stone/a stone perhaps, though to look at him you wouldn't say he's overweight in the slightest. When we first met, he was doing a lot of walking every day (talking upwards of 10 miles a day), and although he still snored then, it wasn't as bad. We don't exactly get the time to work out/keep fit these days though, with 3 DC's 3 and under, our priorities are a little different.

It definitely does feel selfish on his part. I guess he could argue that I'm being selfish having the baby in the bed as it makes my life easier, however, that isn't forever and I feel I have bloody good reasons for cosleeping at the moment.

DH's blasé attitude to his snoring though, it's just not on. I can't understand why he won't explore the options of treatment. He won't even try the strips fgs!!!

‘The baby’ IT IS HIS BABY. IT IS 50% his dna and he MADE it with you !! It sounds like he wants a baby to coo at during the day and do fk all else with !