To think that if you’re snoring, you’re asleep!?

[PracticallyMagic]

Sorry this might be long and ranty, but I don't want to drip feed if I can help it, so will include as much as I can!

Please, please can someone just confirm for me so that I’m not completely losing my mind.. if you’re snoring so loud that you’re essentially breaking the sound barrier, you are in fact, asleep?

DH is a snorer. An awful one. A ‘doesn’t matter what side he lays on, what position he’s in’ kind of snorer. It ranges from me being able to hear him no matter what room I’m in, to a ‘softer’ but still continuous snore that tends to keep me up regardless.

We’re currently co-sleeping with our 6 month old breastfed baby (it’s easiest for me right now as baby can feed anywhere between 3 and 6 times per night, ranging from anywhere between 10 minutes to half an hour per feed. So cosleeping eliminates me having to sit up to feed all the time, and baby falls straight back to sleep this way, as opposed to me having to sit and hold the baby while he drifts off, and holding my breath as I place him in the cot, only for him to spring wide awake again!) - DH wants the baby to sleep in his own cot because in DH’s own words ‘he doesn’t get an ounce of sleep with the baby in the bed with us’.

But here’s my issue - 9 times out 10, I’m kept awake until way past midnight almost every night listening to DH snore so loud the mattress is borderline shaking. On the off chance that his snoring is quiet/subtle enough for me to be able to drift off before that time, I’m then kept awake by his snoring when the baby wakes up for a feed, meaning that AT LEAST 3 times a night, I’m laying there listening to him snore for a further hour or so, sometimes longer.

So how is it that he’s snoring this badly, this frequently, disturbing MY sleep so much, yet he’s turning around and telling me that HE’S getting no sleep due to our baby?!

He’s more than happy to want me to spend ages each night trying to settle the baby in to a cot, knowing the baby hates it and it’ll take me forever to do, but the countless time’s I’ve asked him to do something, anything, about his snoring he flat out refuses. ‘Nothing will work’ he says - despite him having never tried anything. ‘You just need to sleep through it’ - good one, not like I haven’t already tried doing that.

So can someone please side with me, and agree that if you’re snoring for hours on end, you are actually asleep!? I’m really struggling to show him any sympathy for his apparent lack of sleep, when I’m seeing over and over again, that he’s in fact having no issues sleeping.
DH is getting annoyed that I keep prodding and poking him to get him to stop when apparently he ‘isn’t doing anything’ or he’s ‘only just fallen asleep and to leave him alone’ 🙄🤬😤

What Ursuslemonade says, you need the Snorelab app. I've been in your situation, I'd just get the toddler back to sleep and then have to listen to DH snore but I couldn't prod him because that would mean me moving and disturbing the toddler!
DH was in denial until I showed him the evidence on the app. It prompted him to go to the doctor who referred him for a sleep study.
DH made a load of lifestyle changes before the study, which was the wrong thing to do as it came back as not significant apnoea. He then felt justified to return to his normal habits and of course the snoring returned.
Your DH needs to sleep somewhere else and see the GP.

My DH does this and swears he's awake so I asked him questions which an awake person would answer and guess what no reply.
I also pointed out that I've never heard anyone snore in the workplace as the boss would quite rightly assume the were asleep.

Ok so I've downloaded the snorelab app - will be trying it out tonight, and for the remainder of the week and will present DH with my findings on Friday. Hopefully seeing it in writing will spur him on to do something about it. I struggle to believe he doesn't think he has an issue, so fingers crossed this approach may help.

Last night, I prodded him around midnight as he started thunder snoring just as I'd finished settling the baby and I didn't 1) want him to wake the baby and 2) wanted to actually be able to sleep myself, and I think he ranted something along the lines of 'if the baby slept in his cot I'd be able to get some sleep', before he grabbed his pillows and the spare duvet and set off for the sofa! Baby and myself managed to sleep for the rest of night, win for me, but obviously not a long term solution.

My DH does snore just as he's dropping off, between being asleep and being awake, but he has come to realise that I wouldn't be prodding him and grumpy if he wasn't snoring so even if he is awake he's still snoring.

Doesn't he believe he snores? or doesn't he care how much he's disturbing you? surely he'd be disturbing your sleep this much even if you weren't co-sleeping?

Tbh, the way DH acts after I've prodded him, you'd think that I'm doing it for the fun of it. It's like he truly doesn't understand why I'm trying to wake him, despite me telling him 'you're fucking do it again!!! It's been hours! I can't sleep, roll over, change position, add some more pillows just please do something'.

DH will start snoring within minutes of us going to bed. He's always been able to fall asleep at the drop of hat, unfortunately it takes me a while, with him snoring or not, I've never been able to instantly switch off, which only aids how long I have to lay there listening to him!

You can buy a gum shield which helps with snoring they are pricey but helped my 2 uncles.

I snore due to issues with my sinuses but once I am in deep sleep it does ease. I often wake myself if I doze off as I start to snore.

He needs to see a sleep specialist as well as there is a chance he is not falling asleep properly.

Also the weight thing. It tends to be the weight around the face and neck which causes snoring so may he worth him losing some. Get a running buggy and he can take 2 of the children out for jogs

Chances are the snoring interferes with his quality of sleep so he blames not feeling refreshed on the baby

Pillow over his head, apply pressure. Guarantee it'll stop. (You're welcome)

I could of wrote this. Although my DH is sleeping downstairs on a mattress, I can hear him snoring and he claims to of been up all night uncomfortable. Infuriating to say the least. Im going to carry on Co sleeping just so I don't have to have him back in the bed with me 🤣

Oh OP I really sympathise, snoring is horrific, especially if you're a light sleeper or tend to fall asleep second.

My partner is a snorer and it frequently wakes me up. I've said before on here that I use a white noise app to drown him out, it really does help me. Not sure if that would be an option for you with the baby?

So, an interesting turn of events over here -

DH came home from work this evening and I half expected him to be in a mood with me, following last nights 'sleeping on the sofa' theatrics, but he was absolutely fine.

Got the eldest two dc to bed, then DH came and sat on my sofa which is by our bay window overlooking the road. He never sits with me, we like to have a sofa each to stretch out on in the evenings, so I asked what he was doing and why he kept looking out the window so often.

Turns out he's waiting for a same day delivery from Amazon...

... he ordered himself an anti snoring device this morning!!!

Miracles do happen! Whether or not it'll work remains to be seen, or rather, heard, but hey, he's finally cottoned on that sorting out his poxy snoring problems has got to be better than me shoving him all night long

Fingers crossed for us!

There is nothing in this world more hate inducing than listening to your partner snore while you're up all night with a baby. Yes he is asleep and yes a swift kick works well to stop the snoring.

Would a sofa bed be an option for him while you are co sleeping?

Sounds just like my DH, he always says ‘I’m so tired I didn’t sleep well’. Neither did I listening to your snoring all night while you were awake

This might be OSA- obstructive sleep apnea. The hallmarks of it are heavy snoring and the sufferer feels fatigued. Because the quality of sleep is affected. It is a debilitating condition indeed and potentially very serious.

people do not choose to snore as some kind of selfish lifestyle choice. however, he should see a doctor. I can understand your frustration at his blase attitude, OP.

My DH often tells me he hasn't slept a wink when, in fact, he has kept me awake all night snoring.

This. I’m planning on upgrading the bed in the spare room soon.

LadySpartacusCleg Geekster and to all these other posters on here saying their DP are claiming they haven't slept a week but are heavy snorers, I caannot stress too strongly the importance of your DP seeing a doctor. Because it is classic for OSA sufferers to feel so exhausted in the morning that they believe thay have not really slept. I was diagnosed with OSA in 2016 and even if I slept for 8 hours I would never feel as if I had any more sleep than 2 hours max.

It definitely sounds like OSA. My husband slept very soundly the minute his head hit the pillow. He was never bothered by my snoring as he was asleep straight away. He died a few years ago and I went on holiday with a friend, she recorded me as I’d kept her awake all night. I went to GP and referred to sleep clinic, I was stopping breathing 115 times an hour!!! I now wear a CPAP which is awful but I don’t make a sound at night now :) Tested by a few friends and family staying over !

DH has a doctor’s appointment next week so I’ll ask him to raise this then. Thank you for the information.

Film him so he can see how bad it is it. My DH is awful most nights, strange not tonight, touchwood!

Ask him why he cares for your wellbeing so little that he thinks you don't deserve the basice human need of sleep.

Next time he says he wants the baby to sleep in the cot let him do it. You feed the baby. He can comfort and settle the baby after so you can sleep after feeding. Our 5mo sleeps with us because it's the best way we all sleep and its easier for me to feed her and not be too disturbed.

Oooh, just seen about the device! Did he try it? Did it help?

He needs his own room. His snoring isn't fair on both of you. I have this arrangement with OH (shares with 5 year old) and it works really well.

What a horrible man you’re married to 💐

You are tight if course. I have never hated anything in this world with so much venom as my snoring husband while I was feeding babies. I'd agree with him, get him to confirm that he definitely wants the baby to sleep in the cot then say, "That's wonderful darling, I'm sure we'll all sleep better! Obviously I will have done my part of the childcare by feeding so I'll hand the baby to you and you can work your magic and get them to sleep." and you can snuggle down while he does his bit. Everyone's a winner, you get to fall asleep with no snoring and he gets a baby free bed.