AIBU to ask my grandma to give me her car..

[WhatNext277]

Hi everyone - little bit of a backstory. Me & my DH share a car. He uses it Mon - Fri for work. I live round the corner from my work place so I walk. On my day off and on the weekends I have no car which sometimes makes things tricky but we work around it - as the cost of running a car can be a lot (insurance, tax, mot, fuel, maintenance).

Anyhow - my grandma isn’t well (she’s 86) and before Christmas when I visited her she said to me “I can’t see me getting back behind the wheel again, so if I’m not up to it by the time Christmas comes and goes you may as well have the car to get you back on the road”. She also said this to my mum. Christmas has come and gone, and she hasn’t mentioned it again. She hasn’t got back behind the wheel (she doesn’t intend to now) I’m to worried to ask her. She wouldn’t have forgot what she’s said. The car is just on the drive.

Me and my sister are her only grandchildren so I know there wouldn’t be any disputes between us if she did give it me. I could buy my own car but if she offered...

Do I ask or just leave it?

Just ask! She offered, it's definitely not cheeky. Maybe offer to take her shopping once a week or something in exchange?

Would you sister or mum want it? Maybe offer to buy it so it's 'not just sitting there'?

I would offer to buy it from her. Then if she offers it free you can accept.

It would depend massively on your relationship. If it was my grandma, I’d just ask her. If you want to test the waters, you could ask if she’d lend it to you on the days you need it. You could always say that whenever she needs it, to just let you know.

Ask if you can buy it from her.

Why are you worried to ask?

However, you do say in your OP:
the cost of running a car can be a lot (insurance, tax, mot, fuel, maintenance)
and that's why you don't run a second car - can you afford it? You'll still be liable to pay all the running costs.

Just ask

What do you need it for? I’d rather save the running costs for something more fun than a second car, especially as you can walk to work

My mum or sister wouldn’t want it, they have their own cars and my nans car is just literally a little “run around” worth about £300-£700 ? It’s 2002 5 door fiesta lol! And yes I could afford to run it, I just didnt know if I was wrong reminding her what she said. Especially when she’s quite ill. I mean, we aren’t close, but I visit every other week. I have one day off a week, but she knows I can’t get there as DH has the car on my day off...

Just say you've been thinking about a second car and you know she'd mentioned giving you hers, so you wanted to check if that was still the plan before looking elsewhere?

I might ask if you could borrow it for six months. I think older people tend to find it difficult to finally admit they can no longer drive because of the implications of loss of independence etc. But she might find it easier to get her head around lending you the car and then giving it to you in six month's time.

Ask!

@Greenandpleasanter such a good idea- so considerate and tactful.

Ask her if she would be happy to lend it to you at weekends if you source and fund your own insurance and keep it topped up with fuel.

If your DH uses the car Mon-Fri why do you not have access to it at the weekend?

I'd ask if I could buy it. But you might find that she's had second thoughts and intends to hang on to it, even if she knows she'll never drive again.

My mum kept her car after she stopped driving. She kept it so we'd use it when we drove her around. For some reason, she felt better about us using 'her car' to take her places as opposed to using our own cars. She'd insist we take 'her car' even if we wanted to drive her in ours. I expect it was a matter of (misplaced) pride and that somehow it made her feel less 'dependent' in some way. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Would your mum be able to tactfully mention the subject in a roundabout way on your behalf?

Why cant you use your car on the weekend?

seems alot of extra money to have a car for a day a week

Ask if you can buy it, then she can ignore insurance, tax, maintenance and fuel costs and spend that money on taxis instead.
If she wants to give it to you, insist on paying £10, as a token, but then it is really 'yours'.
BUT part of me wants to tell you to keep walking instead! Better for you, DCs and the planet...

Ask her. Older people are more likely to have forgotten.
Just make sure your grateful and willing to drive her round a bit when needed. Like family.
I mean, don't just take and run. Family favours work both ways.

Slightly different, but my Dad gave me his car on condition I took them shopping (he gave me the petrol money) once a week.
Just ask her. Maybe offer to take her out one day a week to the shops/hairdresser etc if you can?

Yep, just ask her. I'd want to be reminded if I'd offered something like that.

I don't live in the UK, but your public transport system must be appalling if every adult needs a car to get around. I'm 66, only ever owned a car for a year and have managed to get around quite nicely without one. No wonder we have global warming

May be it's her last avenue to potential independence and she doesn't, psychologically, want to close it. I'd tread carefully on that basis. We all say nice things thinking the worst won't happen so I'd be mindful of her feelings and the last vestige of her independence floating away.

I don't live in the UK, but your public transport system must be appalling if every adult needs a car to get around.

You realise the OP is one individual, right? It's not a post written on behalf of entirety of the UK?

And yeah it is appalling