AIBU to ask my grandma to give me her car..

[WhatNext277]

Hi everyone - little bit of a backstory. Me & my DH share a car. He uses it Mon - Fri for work. I live round the corner from my work place so I walk. On my day off and on the weekends I have no car which sometimes makes things tricky but we work around it - as the cost of running a car can be a lot (insurance, tax, mot, fuel, maintenance).

Anyhow - my grandma isn’t well (she’s 86) and before Christmas when I visited her she said to me “I can’t see me getting back behind the wheel again, so if I’m not up to it by the time Christmas comes and goes you may as well have the car to get you back on the road”. She also said this to my mum. Christmas has come and gone, and she hasn’t mentioned it again. She hasn’t got back behind the wheel (she doesn’t intend to now) I’m to worried to ask her. She wouldn’t have forgot what she’s said. The car is just on the drive.

Me and my sister are her only grandchildren so I know there wouldn’t be any disputes between us if she did give it me. I could buy my own car but if she offered...

Do I ask or just leave it?

Why don't you have a car at the weekends?

Just say i've been looking at cars this weekend whats u doing with yours.

I don't live in the UK, but your public transport system must be appalling if every adult needs a car to get around. I'm 66, only ever owned a car for a year and have managed to get around quite nicely without one. No wonder we have global warming

Our public transport system is appalling. There are pockets of excellence in large cities and towns, including London. However it is incredibly expensive. The remainder of the country has a piecemeal approach as it's all provided by different private companies and if a route doesn't make money then they don't run it. Consequently you can have a village - like the one where my parents live - where the nearest bus stop is a mile away, down unlit country roads (national speed limit) with no pavements. Buses run twice a day - out at 10, back at 6 - and not at all on a Sunday.

My parents are in their early 80s and my DM is disabled. They could not cope without a car.

Slightly different, but my dad 'lent' me his car. I did take him shopping appointments etc. However I was on his insurance anyway and a car can't be insured twice so it might not work for you.

do you really need a car.
cant you share with your husband.
could you drive him to station on your day off, he get the train, and you have the car for the day.
seems a waste of money to run another car for only occasional use.
dont think you should ask your grandma; i am nearer her age, and these things can be psychologically hurtful in ways you are unware of and wouldnt wish for.
its not worth risking an elderly person's equilibrium.
they are so much more vulnerable. let it go. its not worth the risk. her poss health unease versus your economic advantage/ convenience.
and if you can afford to buy a car, as you say, and you really want one, then do that. good luck.

Have you offered to take her out anywhere in her car? Maybe she's waiting to see if you offer to help her out before she gives you the car.

Our transport is rubbish unless u live in a city

if you work nights you need a car or know someone who can drop u off-no pt during the night

Doesn’t sit well with me - can’t quite put my finger on it though

It doesn't sit right with me either, especially if she is seriously unwell as you imply.

Can you maybe ask to put yourself on her insurance and borrow it? Mind you then you would be left with the dilemma of who should be liable for maintenance.

To be honest, if it sits there unused it will seize up anyway. I scrapped my 54 plate recently because I wasn't using it enough which effectively killed it. Ask to borrow it to keep it ticking over?

It sort of feels like picking over the bones of a carcass while the animal is still alive (but on its last legs)

Just ask her

Offer to run her around as part of the deal for using the car? e.g. take her shopping once a week, whatever.

It sort of feels like picking over the bones of a carcass while the animal is still alive (but on its last legs)
Don’t talk rubbish.
The ops gran offered her the car.

Can you not offer to take her out sometimes in it? If she feels it still her car and she has lent it to you ,that may lessen the impact of "losing" her independence . If she is 86 she has done well anyway !