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AIBU?

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Original poster

to want some me time?!

32 replies

whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 14:28

I had some family visit on Friday and was a little quiet when they left, because I'd miss them and because I was tired. Both DC are sick and not sleeping too well, so I'm like a zombie.

A while after they'd left, DP took it upon himself to blame me for being quiet. If he spoke to me, I spoke back but we weren't having a full blown conversation. At 5pm Friday, he stormed off upstairs. I did kids bedtime as usual. I went to bed early myself and so DP went downstairs and slept on the sofa.

Saturday morning, the kids woke at 5 so I got up with them, went downstairs and DP went back up to bed. I brought them upstairs at 1.30pm to see him as they were asking. He was expecting me to apologise (for being quiet on friday?). I then had both kids in bathroom as currently toilet training DS... Came out a while later to see that DP had left, took the car etc. He drives, i don't unfortunately. So he was gone (not unusual, he tends to go for a while/night after an argument).

He text at 6.45pm when I was doing bedtime, to tell me not to leave the key in the door (so he could get in.). I didn't reply, but took the key out. Brought the kids down at 6am this morning and again, DP went straight upstairs to bed after sleeping on sofa.

At 1pm today, i suggested he take the kids out in the car so they'll nap and I can have some much deserved time to myself. He replied saying 'going out to watch football soon', the proceeded to shower. I was playing with the kids in the living room when he just left again, not a word. I saw the car leave and I was raging. Still am.

I messaged him saying it must be nice to be able to up and leave whenever he wants, leaving me to do everything and not having time to myself. I told him he was self centred and told him i'll be leaving the key in the door tonight.

My whole weekend has been ruined by him and i've not had a second to myself. i do now because the kids are asleep are fighting it for ages Grin

I didn't it frustrating mainly because i can't just go anywhere if i want. and i know for a fact that when we speak about this, he'll say that I can't treat him like this.

rant over.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 14:30

I find it frustrating*. wish we could edit posts!

OP posts:
Fuckmesideways · 01/03/2020 14:48

So DP is punishing you by checking out of family life?

Doesn’t sound like a partnership to me.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/03/2020 14:54

Tell him not to come home. Please don't put up with this shit any longer.

nanbread · 01/03/2020 15:07

So because you were a bit quiet on Friday (did he even ask if you were ok??) He sulked and ignored the whole family from 5pm Friday for the whole weekend?

He can fuck right off. What a selfish, nasty, controlling, vindictive thing to do

Is this out of character for him? Doesn't sound like it.

I'd bet you'd be happier without him.

LaurieMarlow · 01/03/2020 15:12

What a dick.

Tell him to fuck off.

Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:14

@nanbread yeah he asked if i was ok a few times and i said fine. he'd all defensive and ask why i was quiet

OP posts:
Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:16

he gets upset and annoyed pretty easily and i end up being ignored or he leaves. it was better as of late, but he left again yesterday so back to the old ways again

OP posts:
Pepperoniextracheese · 01/03/2020 15:19

Sounds like he creates arguments out of nothing as an excuse to bugger off and do his own thing. Would life not be easier if he left?

IceColdCat · 01/03/2020 15:20

He sounds pretty awful OP.

Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:21

i'm reluctant to post his whole reply to my text (about leaving the key in the door) but fuck it... he replied with.......

What about you try talking about how you've behaved towards me?
After your family left you were very cold, distant, quiet and generally off with me and towards me.
If I had done something or said something wrong fair enough - but you never even told me why you was being like that. If I had done something I deserve to be told so I know. Not treated unfairly by my partner. That's not on.
You say it's unfair me leaving you all day with the kids - but you're unfair in how you've been to me that day and not telling me why, not talking, not even including me in meals when you're making them etc. You're ignoring me just as much.

I can't be happy with you if that's how you will be towards me. It is not fair to be like that to anyone. You're either with them or you're not.
Afaik I had done nothing wrong that day so why so off with me and for so long without any explanation what so ever? But you still don't want to talk about that am I right?

OP posts:
TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/03/2020 15:22

Did you leave him out of meals?

Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:23

i just told him not to dare moan about how i 'treated' him after how he has behaved this weekend. i told him i was done, and he just replied with 'fuck you'

OP posts:
Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:24

i didn't make him lunch yesterday because he was still in bed (until he left at 2pm). he was gone for dinner but brought himself home pizza, cookies etc.

OP posts:
Krn900 · 01/03/2020 15:27

He is a total arse, you and your kids deserve better than this

Pricklypear12 · 01/03/2020 15:29

Get yourself some driving lessons and get yourself out and about. Have you got any friends/family/neighbours that can take the kids now and then whilst you have time to yourself? Sometimes DPs get a bit uppety when they feel like they're relied upon and their woman is dependent upon them.

Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:30

i told him he can't just check out of family life and shirk his responsibilities but he's already turned his phone off.

OP posts:
Pricklypear12 · 01/03/2020 15:32

Enjoy your kids, take them out, then get some child care in place on a regular basis if you can and go out. Go to cafes/exercise clubs/shopping/salon whatever you fancy and just enjoy being you. Sometimes it's enough to make DP realise you're living your own life and will continue to do so regardless of his behaviour

Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:32

@Pricklypear12 i desperately want to but we can't afford it right now, even for the foreseeable. my family are 3 hours from me and i don't have many friends here. i have them upstairs now with me and the baby gate is closed. they're happy playing so i should be able to have a quick shower and they'll come in if they need me
DP likes knowing that i rely on him to take me out etc. ugh

OP posts:
Pricklypear12 · 01/03/2020 15:34

And start a Baby and Book club in your house and get all the mums round for a chat and a giggle and some snacks with their little ones. DP can be miserable if he chooses

Original poster
whatthehecksausages · 01/03/2020 15:34

i'll have to start getting out some places more on my own, coffee with a friend etc.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 01/03/2020 15:35

It sounds as if you did sole childcare for the whole weekend. i would suggest if he wants to ignore you next weekend too, you should split it so he has the kids one day and you have them the other. If he can't pull his weight without needing to be asked, you'll have to formalise it.

blackcat86 · 01/03/2020 15:38

A babysitting circle can work really well if you have other mums you trust. You offer to have their DC over for a few hours and they reciprocate. That way it's free and also a playdate for the DC. Your DP seems to have no issue finding money for food for himself, petrol for the car and football etc. I would be wondering if he wants out as he's really jumped on you being a bit quiet for a couple of hours and made it all 'whoe is me'.

Pricklypear12 · 01/03/2020 15:39

Yeah get yourself out and about. Could you possibly arrange to go visit your family for a few days or a week or so? Go and stay with them and enjoy family time and get some help with the kids too

recycledbottle · 01/03/2020 15:50

His behaviour is very poor but if you ignored him and refused to say what the issue was on Friday then that is stonewalling which is also bad behaviour. His text seems to go into detail about how upsetting he found your behaviour which you seemed to have ignored. You are both as bad as each other it seems.

GinDrinker00 · 01/03/2020 15:54

I agree with @recycledbottle. You should of just been honest and said you was feeling a little quiet.

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