To not have left him with the DC yet?

[Daisypop89]

Together 6 years. Two DDs, aged 3yo and 6mo. I've never gone away and left DP to look after the children, not even for one night, not even when there was just DD1.
He, however, has been away numerous times, each time for several days up to one week in duration. He is now away again for one week, but this time, it's actually for work (all previous trips were by choice/social). I have never asked for anything in return for holding the fort while hes gone, but from conversations we had before he took this trip, I have the distinct impression that he would have no intention of agreeing to mind the DC for a period of time if I were to go away.
Am I being taken for a mug? Has anyone else never left their DC home with partner, but your partner has and probably wouldn't do the same for you??

YABU - mums just don't get away that much, par for the course
YANBU - I need to take a break and let him manage DC on his own

I rarely go away overnight because I am a home bird but DH would have no issue with me doing so and he regularly takes DS to see family for the weekend while I stay home. I sometimes do day trips to see friends and DH happily has DS and regularly encourages me to stay the night if I want that. During term time I think DH does more parenting than I do as he picks up more of the drop offs and pick ups and bedtimes than me. In the holidays that is reversed as I get the school holidays off and he doesn't.

My husband goes on holiday with his friend for a week every year, they are extreme sports holidays like ice climbing and cycling over the Pyrenees. The resentment built up so much that I only ever had had an odd night here and there away from the children (8 and 5 years old) that it all came to a head last year. He said he would always support and encourage me to go away but there just isn't anyone to go with - they all have children. So I went away with my parents for 10 days and it was BLISS. Planning some more long weekends this year away. Your baby is still very little but I'd definitely get some plans in the pipeline for later in the year!!

There are a few friends who would certainly be up for taking a trip, maybe I'll make it my mission to arrange it! It's only Day 1 of his week away, and this is the first time he's gone away for a longer period like this since we had DD2, so I'm already feeling a bit overwhelmed and lonely! I'm sure I must sound like an utter loser to people whose partners regularly travel, sorry about that

I have a 20 month old. I generally stay in with ds whilst DH out over night more than the other way round but I have been away for 4 nights on one occasion, one on another and will fairly regularly go out for a meal with friends leaving DH to do bed time and the night up until late. Recently ds was having a mega tantrum few days and DH insisted I still go out whilst he was battling bedtime because "you deserve it, I'm his dad we will be ok". Dh is a teacher and he looks after ds on school holidays, he also takes him out without me at the weekends if I need to get stuff done. Generally we do things as a family but DH is very much an equal parent and wouldnt think twice about having ds.

I'd def get some long days away from them first op. Not sure how relaxing it'll be if first time you're away for more than an hour you're gone for 3 days

That's a good point, @SleepingStandingUp, starting small is probably the best way. I just feel like if I can manage them all day every day, then surely he can for longer periods, too. I don't think he would outright refuse to mind them, but he would more likely say something like "why can't we all go together? We all need a change of scenery by now" or words to that effect. Often when I hint that I might want to head off somewhere, he just suggests that we all go together. I'm guessing so he doesn't have to be alone with them.

So be blunt.

I need to pop out later, the kids can stay here with you
Let's all go out
No, I need an hour to myself, like you get all the time.

But we all need a break, to get out the house
Well you take them out then and I'll see you later!

A few hours then a bit longer then an overnight with mates etc. I used to leave feeds made up, change the baby and go out to start with (but he was a few months old and tube fed) and then worked up to working weekends away with my voluntary work. We've got 11 week old twins now, he has them for a few hours on a weekend morning whilst I sleep but he brought my afternoon tea to use this month so he'll be home with them alone.

Book a trip. NOW!! You deserve a break and he needs to learn how to be a father.

why do mums let their fwit partners get away with not being able to look after the babies you are a double act now ladies step up and grow a pair make him do his fair and safe share

Why do people put up with this?

He actually said he wouldn't have his own children or you are assuming that?
Time to book a weekend away at your girl friends and tell him not book anything in to his calendar because he needs to have the girls that weekend. Don't ask. No ifs or buts. If he says no then calmly explain that he unfortunately can no longer go away whenever he likes.

When my DC were small (20+ years ago) neither of us really went away, we didn't have much money to spare but weren't really bothered anyway, it seems to be more of a 'thing' now, but no way would my dh have been going away for jollies while I stayed at home. In your shoes I would get something organized asap, and if he suggests all going together just say no. He has had his fun, it's your turn. As pp have said, he can't 'mind' his own children, he can look after them just as you do.

Yes, I have. As soon as I was no longer breastfeeding.

As a parent, aside from pregnancy and breastfeeding, DH is perfectly capable of being an equal parent.

I do feel many women believe that if things aren't done their way, it's wrong as opposed to different. Does DH do quite such balanced meals? No, but it's not everyday. Does he discipline the way I do? Not exactly but it still follows the principles we decided. Do I do everything the way he would? No, but we accept each other's tweaks.

But, I have given him the time and space to work out how he parents. We are open and honest in our discussions and don't always agree but will come to a compromise.

Omg! You can’t leave your children for more than an hour with him? He sounds completely moronic.

Book yourself a hair appointment and tell him you’ll be a couple of hours minimum. Then go and leave him to cope.

Stop martyring yourself. It’s looking after a couple of young children fgs not planning and executing a military invasion. Yeah kids are exhausting but it’s not rocket science. I’m sure he can work out how to feed and water them.