Photos of children

[Doubledeckers]

First AIBU on here but IRL I have been told by DP and DM that IABU about this. There is a closed Facebook group for one of DD’s activities where information about future sessions and photos of the activities are posted. Some parents have said that they do not want their child’s photo on there. Fine. Children are 7-10 yrs old.
For those where the parents have given consent some of the photos are great and highlight the fun they’re having, some mundane and some really unflattering. The children have no say on what is posted on Facebook and I don’t think it’s fair. Their photo is being shared for the parents to see what a great time the children are having, and I understand that, but I wouldn’t want my photo on Facebook when I’m in a bad mood, looking bedraggled and just generally having no control of what is going on Facebook.
I always ask my DD if I can post a photo of her on Facebook and show what is being posted. The children in this activity don’t have that option. My DP and DM tell me I’m a killjoy and that the parents enjoy seeing the photos of what their children have been doing and I’d be a spoilsport to ask for the children to decide what goes on Facebook. AIBU

I hate unflattering photos too but maybe we all need to learn that photos are more fun when they're not Instagram perfect

Are there really photos of the children just standing there looking moody and Fed up?

Ask the question ‘why are children not entitled to privacy’ ?

I work in social media and learned very early on that if you must become a ‘curator’ of your own media presence. Particularly in light of facial recognition technology (and how it is already used in some countries). While my pic is everywhere, none of my family is ever published.

@Winesalot is spot on completely agree.

I don't have FB or Instagram, my DW does and she is very clear that friends aren't to upload images of our DCs. Everyone is fine with that and we don't get any disgruntled people as we also abide by the same principle, we don't upload any ourselves.

Nanny

Yes, the children stood around while they are given instructions.

Winesalot I want to ask that question. Thanks, as I said in OP my DP doesn’t think I should and I am being OTT.

You can just do what some of the others have done and say no to your child's photos being on the page. Imagine how impractical it would be to ask every child for approval on every photo. You are the adult, you decide on their behalf on this. Yes or no to photos, not "please can I cherry pick?". If you are uncomfortable, say no to photos.

Don’t worry Doubledeckers I am sure that lots of people would say you aren’t as OTT as me.

You can use this as a discussion starter.

www.huffpost.com/entry/parents-overposting-online_l_5cb4dd23e4b082aab08a5c10?utm_campaign=share_email&ncid=other_email_o63gt2jcad4

I have certainly come across recruiters who admit to doing searches if not just for background, for cv integrity. And of course, it only takes something newsworthy to happen (even if it is a horrific tragedy) for searches of images to be done and pics shared in worldwide media.

SnowyPetals

This isn’t about my DD. There were a few photos last week that were awful of some of the other children - I felt sorry for them.

You’re right it could be impractical, hence my question: Extra work for the adults in charge v the children’s consent of the photos.

I think if you want to control how your child looks on SM then you don’t allow others to post pictures.

It’s their parent place to decide.

I think we are putting too much weight on kids these days to look perfect at every given opportunity. Kids are terrified of a bad angle or taking photos with family in case they're not Instagram-friendly and I mean young kids let alone teenagers. I'm sick of people commenting how gorgeous their kids are or how pretty. Who cares. The viewer can decide that. Surely we should be praising attitudes and kindness rtahet than how cute their hair looks at that moment. And then we wonder why we have. A generation of young adults with unrealistic life expectations, getting themselves in strife money wise to be able to have false nails or fake eyelashes.

and breathelol

I don't think you get to dictate to other parents what they should or should not think is permissable.

The setting has a policy in place for those parents who do not wish to have photos taken of their children. Which is sufficient.

What do you expect to happen?

Soapbox

I don’t want to dictate to the other parents. I want the children to be asked.

But you are dictating. You want a change that the other patents haven't even asked for.

You are telling the other parents that what they view as acceptable, in fact isn't and that they should taken out of the equation all together.

Children cannot 'consent' to their photographs being used or not. Only the parent can.

What you are suggesting is essentially a learning opportunity for other people's children which they may or may not want. Now I don't disagree with that element, eg modelling consent for social media, but it needs to be done in your own time.

Have any indication that the other parents are bothered?

I really think there ought to be more bad pictures of everyone online.

If it’s all shiny and perfect everyone suffers.

Soapbox

But you are dictating. You want a change that the other patents haven't even asked for

Good point, I hadn’t considered that. Thank you

I don't disagree with your thoughts on it.

I've got from posting to family on Facebook to deleting everything and asking for consent from my eldest (the woman at the Museum thought I was nuts 😂).

I just think it's a modelling thing for future behaviour iyswim

I think maybe it would be reasonable to ask them to review their policy on photography and ask that they remind parents they can request photos to be taken down at any time for any reason. Someone's getting carried away and might need a reminder that not everyone likes photos of them and theirs being posted so liberally.

I think yabu for judging children as looking awful in some of the photos.
Maybe they or their parents won't look at the photos and feel the same way you did...maybe they don't care how they look to outsiders

We had loads of random photos taken, on film cameras and put on the walls, at brownies, guides and youth clubs.
There were pictures of me looking a bit grumpy, not paying attention and sneezing on the walls of the community centre for over a decade.
Wasn’t ever a problem.

I used to be very careful about what pictures I posted of my DC.
Then came the teenage years, and while I have instilled in them that what they post may one day come and bite them on the backside, and for the most part they are sensible there are a lot of Instagram posts including photos of them and their friends I have no control over.

If you described my child as looking awful in a photo I would loose all respect for you and would struggle to engage with you in any meaningful way onwards

Not sure my kids are asked by photographers at local fetes/events etc if they like the photos that end up in the local paper for thousands to see.

Oh and obviously when I say careful about what pictures I don't mean I only posted filtered perfect photos, I mean considering what they were doing and how it can be interpreted. What they look like in a photo is obviously irrelevant to my concern of having an impact on life/career as they get older. The same considerations I make when posting pictures of myself. This is the thing that needs to be modelled so children understand the impact social media can have on their lives.

I have certainly come across recruiters who admit to doing searches if not just for background, for cv integrity

I'd be surprised to come across many who didn't do that, especially for senior roles. For me it would be a given part of their job rather than something secret that they'd need to admit to.

Anyone who doesn't check their own presence in such a situation is missing a trick.

Maybe I'm shallow but I was looking at some photos on Facebook yesterday and saw one of someone I don't know that had been taken from a very unflattering angle, I felt sorry for her, she wasn't tagged so maybe didn't even know it was online

I think they should ask the children before taking the photo and if parents have given permission for photos to be used then that's fine, with the proviso that parents can have a photo taken down if requested.
Honestly no one looks perfect all the time, it would be completely fake if the photos were only of perfectly groomed children , taken at their best angle with them all smiling , actually that would make me more uneasy as it wouldn't represent real life. kids might not notice or be self aware they don't look perfect until someone very helpfully points it out to them! I've got 4 teenagers I actually think posting imperfect photos is a really good idea and much more healthy than striving to maintain a perfect image all the time.

What is the consequence in later life for having ones grumpy childhood face on the internet?

Nil.

Not posting naked selfies and then applying for a PGCE in primary education five years later is obviously problematic but looking a bit grumpy at scouts when you were 11? not sure anyone in the world will ever care. And if they do the problem isn’t with the grumpy scout.