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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm starting to wonder whether it's me....

40 replies

Alfiesmom15 · 29/02/2020 23:36

Does anyone else just have those days where you wanna scream!?!? I go out my way for everyone and I'm getting nothing in return. I watch my sisters baby for her while she works long hours. That's fine she drops him off with no coat so been stuck in the house all day. Ask her to pick up a top up voucher for our dad and hell give her cash. No she dont need cash so I'll have to do that tomorrow. Asked my mom to drive us to the shops. Shes not feeling great so no.... (shes got the baby car seat so I couldnt use my car; she weren't feeling I'll tonight to pick my dad up and take him to mcdonalds) (even though they've been separated for 15 years they're still good friends while my dads facing divorce and staying with me)Went to cook dinner and at no point during yesterday or today did my partner mention we had no milk so couldnt carry on with the dinner I had planned.. Wouldn't go fetch any. Managed to get baby to sleep by half six so was going to get the milk to finish the meal I was making. He was going out there and then.... thought he wasn't going out till 7... well hes had a sandwich for his dinner so hes going now. Ok then... I have nothing defrosted out the freezer for mine we only have white bread which i cant eat so that's me not having anything. My dad texts at 11pm to say hes at mcdonalds so I ask him to get me some fries and a smoothie... 15 mins pass I'm thinking doesn't take this long.he texts to say too late hes done and popped to my moms. Oh ok then that's that then. I ask him if hes staying out tonight so i can lock door no hell be back at some point so i cant sleep with the front door unlocked its 11.30pm. Asked my partner to take our son for a hair cut.... hes come back with him scalped he literally looks like a convict. My dad asked me to iron his Jean's. The clothes I asked my partner to dry the other day hes literally screwed everything up on the airer so took bloody ages. Dropped my dad off to where he was going. Partner moaned because dad gave me change. (Hes not got to spend it so why hes moaning I dont know). Everyrhig I've asked my partner to do this week hes done half a job so I've had to redo everything... asked him to dry laundry for me so hes hung it all up on the heated airer... didn't realise I hadn't turned the washing matching on so when I went to do the next load couple days later all the stuff still in the drawer so check clothes and they've nor been washed so they stink after heating up dirt. Why not notice the clothes weren't wet when taking then out? So statt that again.... tomorrow wont be any easier....shopping in the morning. Pick baby up again mid day to watch him till about 11pm again. Goinf to collect a car seat for my car which I just bought off Facebook sales... surely I shouldn't be paying for it but because its for my car its mine?!?! Cook a roast. Because heaven forbid I try to make things a little easier for myself I get grief from partners ex because sundays are for roasts... and then roll around to Monday morning a weekend of doing bloody everything its back to work all freaking day. Is it's me really? I keep getting moaned at because I'm miserable and moany.... like seriously I'm not getting nothing in return here. By the time I finished everything I'm getting like 5 hours of sleep a night and if I say anything I just get moaned at for what i do for so and so... your doing to much for him maybe dont do that for her. Its affecting you watching the baby. Buy you choose to watch baby so I'm not helping.

OP posts:
Alfiesmom15 · 29/02/2020 23:37

Wow sorry that's so long I just kept typing 😂

OP posts:
Elieza · 29/02/2020 23:39

I feel better about my life after that lot OP. You must be knackered, I feel for you. Sigh. Flowers

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 29/02/2020 23:40

...maybe just stop?

PickAChew · 29/02/2020 23:40

You need to learn to say no.

Especially to your sister.

ActualHornist · 29/02/2020 23:42

Sounds like you need to say no more often.

BoredOfTheBoard · 29/02/2020 23:44

Yes I'm knackered too reading that. They want roasts, they make them, they want Jean's ironed, theres the iron, crack on
You dont get T tonight cos your partner wouldn't help you, he can feed himself tomorrow. You are not these peoples servant. Fuck the lot of them. Stop being so obliging and look after yourself. If they don't like it, tough

Marcipex · 29/02/2020 23:45

Say no to all the people using you.
Don’t cook or do laundry for people who won’t do anything for you.
Let everyone run their own errands.

Alfiesmom15 · 29/02/2020 23:48

I try saying no they just guilt trip me because theres no one else to have him and she wont be able to work, or I get the I thought you enjoyed having him. Maybe if she turned up with all his things so I could of left the house. Or because shes struggling for money I'm pretty comfortable maybe ask me to buy the car seat not just expect it. I'll help anyone out but it's not too much to ask for some help in return? Or maybe someone could pick me up some fries. They're literally 99p off the save menu. Or go fetch some milk for me its 2 seconds at the end of our road... or postpone leaving so I could go myself. Or the fact I'm not running a bloody hotel so have the courtesy to come back at a reasonable hour

OP posts:
BoredOfTheBoard · 29/02/2020 23:49

They dont feel guilty about treating you like shit

Candyfloss99 · 29/02/2020 23:52

Book a holiday just for you.

Waveysnail · 29/02/2020 23:55

Do work Op? How did you ned up having the baby? Does sis not have a partner?

Vedaisawesome · 01/03/2020 00:02

Learn to say No and mean it. Lay down ground rules and accept No dissent or arguments. Expect respect and you'll get it. Putting up with being treated like shit and you'll get treated that way. You need to change your attitude and expectations because once you do, everyone else will have to change their behaviour too

Redshoeblueshoe · 01/03/2020 00:10

SAY NO
Flowers

Alfiesmom15 · 01/03/2020 00:16

They both work at the same place. Every other weekend they have to work together. I work full time. When she was pregnant the idea was to split the childcare between me. Her partners parents. My moms disabled so she cant do any because she cant lift him. My dad can barely look after himself. But now its come down to it his parents refuse unless its helping her partner out to do something he enjoys.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 01/03/2020 00:17

If she has no childcare, she needs to get onto that, rather than assuming you will do it.

Be busy. Even if you weren't planning to be busy, take yourself to a cafe and be busy there. No need to let on. You're not a childminder.

Gingernaut · 01/03/2020 00:21

Jeans don't need ironing

Alfiesmom15 · 01/03/2020 00:29

Haha I dont iron my Jean's tbf but these were ridiculously crumpled. And yeah I dont mind so much watching him because you help family out but something in return would be nice. I've just text her anyway to say I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Theres nothing in return. Everything's a bit one sided. I've told my dad doors locked so hell have to come back tomorrow. Not running a hotel.
I just dont see what I'm doing wrong here apparently at some point I must of upset my partner hes barely spoke to me all day and just moaned at me for sitting next to him, I haven't even been grumpy till about half size when he refused to get milk for me. How come when you help people you just get treated like a doormat.

OP posts:
GlamGiraffe · 01/03/2020 00:39

The door gets locked at 10.30. Be in or stay somewhere else. Get a huge bolf on the inside theres!a!start.
Try writing down the rules where people can see them. Write down what you are doing. When people see how much you are doing they might actually realise. Especially helpful if you mark tasks related to them each in a corresponding colour. All dad related xhyores\problems red, partner ones blue etc.
Tasks you think can be o.itted leave off the list for next week.say you wont be doing it someone else can if they want to. DONT DO IT.

managedmis · 01/03/2020 00:42

Do something else, op

justilou1 · 01/03/2020 00:44

Tell everyone to fuck off and sort themselves out or call Samaritans because you are your own person, not a crisis line. Keep reminding yourself of this and let them grow up.

AgentPrentiss · 01/03/2020 00:45

You are being taken advantage of, and they will keep doing it as long as you allow them to. Time to start sticking up for yourself, you matter too.

Your sisters baby and childcare problems are not your problems. Her choice to have a baby, her responsibility to pay for child care.

Stop being a doormat.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 01/03/2020 00:51

Your partner is a cunt. Honestly, tell him to shape up or ship out.

WelcomeToGreenvale · 01/03/2020 01:42

Stop watching the baby. Stop ironing your dad's clothes. Can you get to the shops by yourself?

You get grief from your partner's ex? What does she have to do with your life?! Sundays are for whatever you want them to be for.

He's a useless prick too, he's not a baby, he needs to pull his weight. Tell him to grow up.

cstaff · 01/03/2020 03:39

Bloody hell OP. You are being used by every member of your family by the sounds of it. You can be too nice and people just walk all over you. Thr problem here though is that it has got to the stage where it is just expected of you and you get no thanks for it.

You need to learn how to say the word NO again and once they stop taking you for granted they will start to show their appreciation if and when you do do them a favour. NO NO NO

BumbleBeee69 · 01/03/2020 03:50

Allowing all these people to walk over you is damaging your mental wellbeing and you cannot continue on this path OP .... You will suffer ill health soon if you do not make immediate changes to your routine of accepting all their demands on your time... You need to consider the consequences that saying Yes to everything is doing to you mentally physically and emotionally... Who's caring about you OP? Who's looking after your needs? Who's loving you OP?

You are the only one who can fix this.... 🌺