To think DH should be pushing this

[MouseDL]

So DSD is 11 and starting secondary school this year her brother is 6 and DH and his ex have in essence treated them the same- same bedtime, rules and boundaries. I think she now needs to be pushing to be more age appropriate otherwise when she goes to secondary school she is going to be ripped apart as kids are brutal. She still plays with plastic animal toys, dresses up like spider man, sleeps with a blanket and bear that she won’t be without, doesn’t walk to the local shop alone, believes in the tooth fairy and talks in a baby voice!
While I know she has a younger sibling and 2 younger step brothers I don’t think they are doing her favours and they need to set her up for the transition to secondary school and this process needs to start and treating her the same as a 6 year old isn’t fair. A kid at school called her an idiot and she cried for an idiot, so I can only inagine the tears when she mentions the tooth fairy and they rip her to shreds with laughter. DH thinks it’s fine and there is no need to change her behaviour and I am being mean, and i?

I agree with you OP

I was treated the same as my younger brother and secondary school was hard. It took me years to settle in because I was mentally quite a lot younger than my peers. I wasn't actually bullied but I just didn't fit in, I can't imagine how I'd have faired if you'd thrown bullying into the mix

It's not fair on her. She needs to grow up a bit. Things like teddies and blankets are fine, but she can't be believing in the tooth fairy! Shes essentially being treated like a 6 year old. I would try and do one gentle aging over the next 6 months, she doesn't have to stop being a child but she needs to be acting like an 11yr old not a 6 yr old!

I wouldn’t worry too much. Could you decorate her room over the summer into a more grown up room? We did this with dd before she started secondary school. She still plays with dolls etc but she is who she is and she’s proud of it. Her friends are lovely, but don’t play with dolls, but is doesn’t bother her. I think dd believed in the tooth fairy, but she just quietly said ‘I know she’s not real’ and that was it.
Perhaps, don’t worry now, but see hoe she feels after changing schools. Kids do grow up, particularly in these last terms at Primary school.

I can see where u are coming from. They need to slowly start transitioning her now by letting her walk to school, going to cinema with her friends etc. I have child same age and most of his class the parents are starting to do this in prep for secondary. Bedtimes and chores are totally different to his younger siblings too.

I see where you're coming from. The soft toy and blanket is nobody's business but hers but when my kids were y6, my kids and their friends were desperate to be treated older and do stuff like walk to the shops alone, have a house key etc

I agree that it's unfair to be treated the same as a 6yr old. Even at school, y6 will have perks that younger ones don't have like sitting on benches rather than floor at assembly, being monitors etc at many of the things on your list

Does she have lots of friends at school? I'd imagine the average y6

Your husband is a twat.

And you can see that in the way he's 'raised' his daughter;

and the negative effect his sexism has already had on your two sons.

Sounds like getting rid of him would kill many birds with one stone.

I was immature going to senior school. Within weeks my 'friends' had sussed the lie of the land, they took me to one side and told me they wouldn't be hanging around with me anymore because I was immature and still wanted to play ponies and dinosaurs in the playground. It really hurt. Yes, they were terrible friends in some respects. But it was me who spent most of senior school lonely and lost. So I do think some prep would be a good idea, if you can handle it sensitively.

I was very young in attitude at secondary school, I was a loner, the oldest with a brother who was 6 years younger than me, my friends were mostly at least a couple of years younger than me. I had a really rough time at secondary school, was badly bullied, I wasn't at all streetwise. I have recently been diagnosed with Autism & I often think this may have contributed to me being bullied. Try to talk to her & gently point her in the right direction,otherwise she will get ripped to shreds at secondary school.

Are you sure she doesn't know about Santa but is just playing along for the magic with her brother?

No way it hasn't been discussed with her friends.

She definitely doesn’t know about tooth fairy & Santa as she lost a tooth last week and spend the evening making a card and letter for the tooth fairy, very similar situation with Santa with letters before any of the others, re writing letters, making pictures etc.
The secondary school her DM has picked is very big with a lot of children and she has some features that will make her stick out slightly ie very short for example so couple do without anything else.

I think what's worse is that no one around her has built her critical thinking skills.

Does she have knowledge of poverty and world hunger? It's normally the last year of primary (at the latest) that the need for charity is built upon and that's what kills of the belief of Santa etc.

She's really going to embarrass herself and it's cruel to allow it.

I agree with you OP