For not wanting DS's cousin to come and stay

[cooperage]

For context, I am divorced from DS’s father and I moved back to the UK after we split up. I have since remarried. XH has stayed in his home country, and DS visits regularly. Relations between me & XH are still quite strained and we are still in conflict over maintenance.

I have recently had an email from his sister asking if their son, who is 14 like DS, could come and stay with us in the holidays. DS sees his cousin from time to time during his visits to his dad, but until now I hadn't seen or heard from any of his family for 4 years.

AIBU to say no?

Ignore the email... it went to spam...

I don't think they really know where I live. I think they just want him to practise his English. Which they won't really, because DS speaks both languages. And maybe occupy him for a week. They probably also don't know that I work FT.

Sorry, just seen that she's after a free language trip!
Think she's being a classic CF - why should you care if her kid learns English? Ask her if she'd like you to mail her a few language school brochures!

My reply: sorry DH and I are just not comfortable with this, when XH and I are still in conflict. But DS is around from X to Y and would love to see his cousin.

Doubt I'll hear from them again!

Well done :)

Just tell them you cannot have time off from work that week so wouldn't be available to do much with your son's cousin.

The two are 14 so presumably could be left on their own - up to you.

I'd have told her to fuck right off. And then some...

And if the cousin wants to learn English, he can spend time with XH!

I wouldn't if you don't know them. I do have my girls cousins here from Italy sometimes, but the difference is that my ex's brother and SIL have kept in touch with me (ex doesn't bother with our girls) and we've facilitated the relationship between the cousins. The kids also keep in touch via email and FaceTime

To ask out of the blue like that is CF'ery.

Just say no! Tell her you are busy ...

Nice response - I agree, you will not hear from them again

Given your worries about exH knowing too much about your current life, the lack of maintenance and contact, added to the responsibility of looking after the cousin if he decides to wander off or needs lots of entertainment, YANBU to say no at all.
Maybe if its really a question of fostering a relationship with DS and his cousin, exH could do a UK trip and take both of them on for a week?

sorry. Cross posted. I see you've replied. I'm sure you are right.

What did they say to your message?

What a cheek. I’m paid good money to host language students and only do bed and board

How rude of them!

You’re not their free childcare/residential language school!

I’d have just said that I worked full time and it wouldn’t be possible.

UPDATE

Got a shitty reply from the husband, late last night, over a month later!

Not easy to understand as it's written in really bad English but the gist is "Fine, if you want to be closed-minded forget it, i'll open my son's mind without you." And accusing me of making the kids suffer because of problems between adults.

I thought they were generally nice people but, well, I am a bit

He’s just pissed off that his son isn’t getting a free holiday and the parents aren’t getting some kid free time
Just ignore the arseholes

Do you imagine the coronavirus will be gone in summer?

Sounds like somebody had holiday plans and free babysitting ideas... what a git!

You did the right thing op. No need for any contact now they have shown their true colours when things didn’t go their way

Is Dad your ex's brother?
Alike, aren't they?

Well they can't come now anyway! Even by summer I doubt the borders will be open to visitors.

Sorry just seen this and update.
They promised the son a cheap holiday, flat fights only, and a bit of spends.
You were supposed to be a mug and provide food, trips and free education, bet they planed a month , well to make it worth it..
Well done on dodging a bullet