To ask for your ‘arrggghhh why didn’t I say something?!’ moments that still annoy you?

[Booboopdeboop]

I have one that to this day still make me rage when I think about them!

Two years ago I went to the GP for a repeat prescription. All routine but they wanted to check my blood pressure, weight etc before they would issue me with another prescription. My usual GP wasn’t available so I went with whoever was free on my day off.

Different GP (who I had not met before) weighed me and said ‘Your weight is fine but...’ (pause whilst he looked me up and down) ‘... you know, summer IS coming’.

I was early 30s, average size 12, ran about 20 miles a week. The GP was a middle-aged scruff bag with food on his tie and a beer belly. I literally was so gobsmacked I just sat there whilst he wrote out my prescription and handed it to me. How dare he say something so rude and demeaning!? It still boils my piss when I think of it now, but what makes me even more cross is that I didn’t challenge him on it, or complain to the practice manager!

In my job I am used to standing up to people and being assertive, so why words failed me on this occasion I have no idea!

Please share with me your horror stories so I don’t feel so bad about mine!

Some of these stories are horrendous.

I don't have any examples that compare, but I do often think of things I should have said after the fact. The French have a phrase for it: L'esprit de l'escalier (the wisdom of the staircase).

Why are so many midwives bullies?

I was going to say I wish I know when to shut up but reading some of these stories I’m glad I’m gobby.

When I was around 17/18 and having the depo contraception injection I went for my next injection where I had to be weighed. After noting my weight the nurse looked at me in disgust and while pulling my loose top close to my body told me that if I carried on the way I was I wouldn't have a boyfriend soon and wouldn't need to worry about contraception anymore. I was slightly overweight but ironically had nothing on her. Never felt so ashamed and disgusted with myself.

Interesting how so many of these are from health professionals! So is mine...

My mother died from cancer when I was a teenager. She was in the final stages just after Xmas, and nurses and the local GP were coming regularly to our house.

I developed an awful chest infection - I was hacking up tons of green goo, felt horrendous, couldn’t sleep as I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It lasted several days but then I started to feel better. The doctor came later that day, and Dad asked her to look in on me - I told him I was much better, but he still thought it wouldn’t hurt.

She came in and gave me a brief examination. She then declared that there was hardly anything wrong with me - I started to say that it had been a lot worse but I was much better now. She just smirked, and then said ‘I think someone just wants a bit of attention for themselves’ and then left! I was in floods for the rest of the day - I can’t believe she accused me of trying to upstage my dying mother - even if she thought that was the case, to actually say it to a teenage girl whose mother was dying (and actually did die a couple of days later) was just hideous. I wish I had said something to the GP practice - I didn’t even tell my dad. Ironically both my parents thought she was a wonderful doctor...

Another health 'professional' one:
I was in my first job and went one lunchtime to get an HIV test once they'd opened an anonymous clinic (rather than seeing a GP).
I was expecting a few questions about why do you think you need a test, but it took about 15 minutes of the nurse grilling me about multiple rape, the nationalities of the guys, how long before two of them died of Aids, etc, before she finally went "So, a jolly old gang bang then?" and condescended to take some blood.

I spent the weekend waiting for results as drunk as I could and hoped to give her an earful when I got the results on the Monday, to distract from the likely death sentence, but she wasn't there and I was so happy about the negative result I didn't care.

Apparently similar things were happening across the country as the only nurses who could be got at short notice were the ones who couldn't get permanent jobs.

At Ryanair check in desk, they were denying me boarding, first they told me to go and speak to the person at the desk next door, which I did, then after a few minutes I was told to go to another desk, which nobody was queing at.

As soon as I got there and before I could say anything, the Ryanair staff member shouted at me saying "Go away! Don't stand here!". I was so taken aback instead of saying "but your colleague just told me to come here" I just said sorry and went and stood a few metres away from the desk.

Don’t you think as we get older we answer back?

I got a dirty look from the receptionist at a local gym for asking for the exercise class timetable. This was because I had just signed in for a post physiotherapy knee rehabilitation session at the gym paid for by the NHS.

I felt like saying, 'my physiotherapist doesn't have a problem with me exercising. In fact when I told him that I did outdoor circuit training and Couch to 5km he said, 'good.' So perhaps you would like to mind your own business.

When I was pregnant with ds. Checkup appt with GP. My usual doctor wasn't there and her replacement was a man. I was about 14 weeks. Lying on the bed thingy he started to press my stomach. Turned to the nurse and told her it was hard to fee anything because "there's so much fat there"
I was mortified. And so upset. And I didn't have the balls to tell him to fuck off. I wish I had.
I did tell the nurse the next time he was there that I didn't want to see him again.

My DD was pre-term and has a congenital heart condition, which she had open heart surgery to repair when she was 2.5. She was very delayed with her gross motor skills and didn't walk until she was 2.

When she was 15 months old we were out for a walk through a forest, DD in the buggy. A nosy cow (NC) came striding up behind us and started talking to DD.

NC: I bet you'd prefer to be out walking than stuck in there wouldn't you?
Me: She would if she could
NC to DD: oh I thought you'd be walking by now with those long legs you have!
NC to DH and I: What you need to do is get her out, take a hand each and let her walk between you. I work in early years education and children just do not get enough exercise.
NC:
DH and I: 😮

I've replayed that encounter lots of times in my head and I generally swap between saying something about how her consultant knows better than some random woman and just telling her to fuck off. It annoys me so much that she walked off feeling pleased with herself for helping some clueless parents.

Jeremy
That's just dreadful. I'm sorry about your mum.

Some of these are really quite upsetting - appalling.

In Morocco when I was in my early twenties. A guide kept touching me unnecessarily eg. he would say 'the view is best from here' and then physically position me to see the view. He didn't touch any private bits - just grabbing my arms and maybe waist - but it was totally dodgy, disrespectful and made me feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea why I didn't say 'stop touching me'. Even 15 years later when I think about it I feel really angry, because I could tell he was enjoying seeing what he could get away with. I got constant sexist hassle when I was in Morocco, this was just part of the very disrespectful behaviour towards women and to white women in particular.

When I moved into my new house my next door Neighbour said to me "it's nice round here, don't get many coloureds"

I was so shocked I didn't say a word and just scurried inside. Barely exchange "hellos" now

Having a coil fitted, I was 21 and my DC was 6 weeks old.

GP said 'Wow, it's like a cavern in here'

Thanks @stonebrambleboy, much appreciated. It was 20 years ago this January. Still ranks up there with one of the most upsetting things someone has said to me.