To ask what ridiculous things you did with a baby?

[codenameduchess]

This morning i boiled water in a pan on the hob because I didn't want to risk waking the sleeping baby with the kettle... it only occurred to me as I was pouring the water out how ridiculous that was.

He isn't even a PFB 🤦‍♀️

Anyone care to share their own moments of madness, PFB or otherwise?

DH used to swear he could only get DD to sleep by doing full body lunges while holding her he used to get a proper sweat on

Dc1 hated the pram (and a sling) so (being a pfb) I’d take the pram for my shopping and carry them. Did that until they could reliably walk everywhere- my arms must have been like Madonna’s! Should have just let them fuss in the pram ffs

I was invited out to a village hall "Toddle and Tea" session. DD1 was 18 months, when they offered Jaffa cakes, I peeled off the dark chocolate and presented her with just the cake and orange bit. I was concerned about the caffeine in the dark chocolate, so close to nap time.

My usual NCT get togethers were all home woven flapjack affairs!

Now at 17, she only eats very dark chocolate, and would take Jaffa cakes at every opportunity.

Managed to get an emergency drs appointment for then 7 week old DS, cried in the waiting room, cried as soon as I saw the Dr as I was so worried about DS. He had a cold. Back to normal in 4 days.

Absolute idiot.

For the first few weeks of ds's life I had to sleep facing the cot because God forbid it would take an extra 2 seconds for me to reach him if he woke

I swept the carpets for months instead of hoovering after DS3 was born. I was convinced the noise of the hoover would petrify him. I’d had two children before him, never done it with them. I blame severe sleep deprivation

I briefly lost mine in the laundry hamper I was so so tired, and he wouldn’t stop crying but I desperately needed to pee... the hamper (one of the cloth ones on a frame) was very full and right beside the loo so I thought if I laid him on it at least I’d be able to see and speak to him and it would be soft and comfy.... I looked away to wipe (I had a nasty tear so this was a delicate operation) and when I looked back there was just a pair of indignant legs waggling about as he’d somehow managed to wriggle himself headfirst into the thing

Obviously he came to no harm - I can laugh about it now but at the time I spent a long time berating myself for being daft enough to do such a thing

With DS1 I was so desperate for sleep that when I realised my in laws tumble drier (I didn't have one) put him to sleep I would wedge the bottom of his bouncer just underneath it, wait until he fell asleep, and then I would go to sleep sitting on kitchen chair next to him with my head on the counter.

Things I used to do was- not flushing chain unless completely necessary. Changing the timing of when the heat came on in the morning to make it later so that it wouldn't wake them.

@FudgeBrownie2019 I am doing this right now
DC3 only naps in a sling. So I potter about the kitchen doing jobs, and as long as the tumble drier is on for background noise, she’s out like a light!
If there’s no laundry that needs to be dried (very rare occurrence in a house with 3 kids under 5!) I actually drench a tea towel under the tap and bung it in the drier

@Mummyshark2018 we also do that
Our house has really old plumbing, and the toilet flushing is like a bomb going off - the pipes sound like they will burst through the walls!
Once the DCs are in bed upstairs, we go by the “if it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down” rule DH has trained himself not to shit after 7:30pm.

Left markers on the floor to remind me which were the squeaky floorboards. (Though, in my defence, the building is 160 years old with the original wooden flooring down and when it squeaks it is very loud.)

My PFB only napped when pushed in her pram over bumpy ground - tarmac had no effect but stony ground did the trick.

Luckily there was a stony track behind our house, and DH and I spent the first year of her life taking turns to trail up and down this lane in hopes of a few minutes of peace.

@Squirrelpeanutbutter I bet your neighbours loved you

In the last month of pregnancy I was worried about Dc1 being bored and lonely, so used to talk loudly to the bump, and conduct different tapping, patting and stroking manoeuvres (as if trying to contact life in a UFO) to let them know I was there.

I cannot eye roll myself enough.

On the way home from hospital with dd2 I had to sit in the back to hold her head when we went round a corner, DH thought I was mental🤣🤣

I banned listening to the radio, and indeed any back ground music because I didn't want to inhibit DS1s language development (and read a book on language development in babies) DH thought I was slightly insane, but went along with it to keep the peace.

Where we lived at times we had to walk across the runway, when the planes were due a barrier came down to stop the traffic and pedestrians. The first time we did this I worried that the noise of a VC10 landin gess than 100m away and braking hard would wake her but she never stirred, phew. When it had landed and taxied to the terminal a small bell rang and the barrier went up, the bell woke her up!

Love the baby in the laundry hamper!
DS would only sleep on me. During a particularly long nap I managed, out of sheer desperation, to go for a wee, wipe, do up my jeans and wash my hands. All with a sleeping baby on my shoulder.
During a particularly mental day of cluster feeding I ended up ordering pizza because I couldn’t put him down for long enough to make myself something. I remember answering the door with him on my shoulder and then sitting on the floor, with my back against the sofa, slowly demolishing an entire large pizza whilst he fed.

Either me or my husband sat with the baby during every drive in case she needed us.
Second baby had no such luxury.

Set an alarm throughout the night because baby would sleep through and I was terrified of SIDS. SO I had a sleeping baby but would wake myself up throughout the night to poke the baby. Madness.

Also - I had two alarm monitors. Snuza and angelcare.

Sheer paranoia.

If pfb ds was feeding (and 6months + eating) visitors had to stand quietly in the hallway so he wasn't distracted.

@TheSandgroper we did that and it wasn't because of space! I'd do it now if I had my kids today.
This is slightly different to other posts but when I was a teenager au pairing for the summer in France the dad would take me, him and baby (about 18 months) in between us on a motorbike on a dirt road up the side of a mountain to their house for kid's nap while his wife chilled on the beach with her friends. No helmets for any of us. No one thought anything of it.

I've seriously considered boiling water rather than putting the kettle on. DS's bedroom is above the kitchen and he's a light sleeper. My kettle sounds like a space shuttle.

I've also considered taking veg into the living room on the other side of the house so the loud chopping won't wake him.

Dog can't go out for a wee while he's asleep, if he does it has to be out front on the front garden.

No toilet flushing once he's in bed.

I sometimes pick a random place about an hour away and go for a leisurely long nap inducing drive, sometimes with a stop off at McDonald's drive thru on the way. The only problem is when you start to need a wee.

Naps are my golden time, can you tell?

I also take him to a supermarket and push him round in the trolley, making sure we go to a manned till with our one chocolate bar so he can smile at the check out lady. I pick ones who look the friendliest and we join their queue.

My son would only fall asleep clutching my finger. I bought a Halloween rubber hand, stuck it up my sleeve and let him drift of clutching that. Then I would take it out of my sleeve and my son would still be asleep clutching the rubber zombie hand!