To be hurt at being excluded?

[beastfromtheeasty]

I have posted a while back but little bit of a update.
Anyway I was friends with my friend for over 10 years.
We had a night out last April and she introduced me to two girls ,we got on well and started texting.
They introduced me to their group of friends and started inviting me on nights out,holidays.
Me and one girl in particular got on great and started texting every day and meeting up for coffee,cinema etc.
My friend was not happy that I was introduced to the group and started slagging me off to the girls in the hope they would stop liking me.
I tried to understand why my friend was doing this but it made no sense.
My friend stopped speaking to me and told lies to the girls about me.
They all left the group chat and opened a new one and I was not included anymore.
The girl I became close too,still text daily and have lots of conversations.
We don't speak about any of it.
She told me they are all away tomorrow for the weekend and all the things they have booked.
Obviously I'm not invited to any of it.
I'm hurt tbh that my long time friend did this and now my new friend didn't have my back either...yet she still speaks daily.
She doesn't acknowledge any of it.

Are you 15?
They’re obviously not your friends and they now don’t like you...so you’ve not been invited.
The first “friend” is a pure jealous bitch.
The second “friend” is just telling you about her weekend plans...although in a manner which will make you envious.
Block them all and move along.

Oh and why did you never ask the first friend why she was doing what she was doing?
Why did you just allow it to happen?
(Says me who wouldn’t say boo to a goose)

I asked first friend and she pretty much said in a snarky tone that they are her friends and she didn't want me involved with them and she would do her best to make sure I was removed.

The other girl is actually texting me now.
She could have had my back but she chose not too.

None of them are friends. I'd just pretend they don't exist and move on.

You don't want to go away with them, they're not your friends!

I know it's hard. I've been in a very similar situation except it was a much smaller group of friends. One was particularly nasty, we had words ( after I'd put up with it for years) and slowly she has pushed me out of the group. Initially it stung like a bitch, seeing them doing stuff together that I would have been invited to. Really stung.

Slowly I realised that why am I bothered? Why would I want to be friends with someone like that? I'm still very good friends with one and thankfully she doesn't tell me what they're upto so I'm non the wiser - I've now unfriended the one I fell out with so I don't see her FB updates.

It is tough walking away, really knocked my confidence at the beginning but now I feel quite proud of myself!

Yeah tbh the only one I actually liked is the girl I still text.
Maybe she's stuck between a rock and a hard place.
My longtime friend has said that if she invites me anywhere she won't go and obviously she's been friends with her the longest and she's friends with everyone in the group.
My longtime friend knew what she was playing at.

Yes she knew fine.
Block & move on.

Would you still keep texting the other girl?
Even tho she hasn't had my back etc

Maybe the girl texting you now just doesn’t want to get involved and get caught up in drama

I would not stay friends with your long term friend that’s for sure!

Obviously that first friend is a dick and not a friend.

But: They introduced me to their group of friends
If they’ve been a group of friends since a particular time (eg uni) then I feel that it is ok for them to spend time together as that group.

You have been Wendy-ed.

Was your long time friend invited on your meet ups with the new group? If not maybe she feels you Wendied her?

No I wouldn’t keep texting the other girl. Not because she didn’t “have your back” but because this won’t need well. There will forever be conflict and life’s too short. The other girl will never be able to mix you with the group and you will always have a problem with that.

I would stay friendly with the texting friend. She may have stuck up for you , you don't know.

She likes you. Be friends with her outside the group.

The long term friend probably didn't think you'd get involved in her group from a one off time out. Her nose may have been put out of joint in some weird territorial thing that humans sometimes feel.

I'd try to say to yourself that you gained a good friend from it so that's good.

I think I'd meet up with new friend and have an honest chat about it all. What do you want to happen? Is it closure you're looking for?

and now my new friend didn't have my back either...yet she still speaks daily.
She doesn't acknowledge any of it.

OP - & I mean this kindly - your problems with your old friend are not the responsibility of your new friend. Why are you expecting her to 'acknowledge' all the old nonsense? It's not her nonsense, & quite rightly she wants no part of it. She simply wants to maintain the friendship with you, without all the old baggage. Stop expecting her to take on your hurts as a personal mission to you.

Your new friend is allowed to remain neutral, & decide who she wishes to remain friendly with.

If you expect your new friend to pick 'sides' you will be putting unfair pressure on her, & may lose her.

As to your old friend - why would you want to stay friends with someone who has behaved so badly, or with people who have decided to only hear her version of events (pack of lies)?

Take a step back, appreciate your new friend for who she is, remember that you do not own her & should not try to control her other friendships ... & go & make some new, better friends.
I would start with people who are less interested in drama, posturing, & tattling tales to each other.

I would also be upset by this situation and no I'm not 15 either. But I have learnt over recent years that friends, even really good ones, rarely respect friendship as much as I do, and I feel much better now that I'm not emotionally invested in these kind of relationships.

I understand that the problems are not with my new friend but what was stopping her inviting me as her friend?
Why should my old friend get to call all the shots ?

@TitianaTitsling yeah she was always involved.
She just didn't want me there.
She started saying "if she goes I'm not going "

Ah to be 13 again

Your new friend can’t invite you. How odd is that....”oh by the way bunch-oh-pals, I’m bringing along that girl that none of you like”....aye, that would work well!

You’re not wanted, that’s why you’re not invited. Harsh, but true.

I had this happen and it’s horrible. I was in a group of friends who with one I had a falling out. They all had parties and although I was originally invited. In the end I wasn’t

Karma came though and the one lady who caused it to be bad for me. Then had all the other ladies fall out with her. She made it that way.

@Clangus00 I got on well with everyone,it was only when my old friend decided I was no looking welcome...when I stopped getting invited

*longer