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Original poster

To be hurt at being excluded?

57 replies

beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 09:10

I have posted a while back but little bit of a update.
Anyway I was friends with my friend for over 10 years.
We had a night out last April and she introduced me to two girls ,we got on well and started texting.
They introduced me to their group of friends and started inviting me on nights out,holidays.
Me and one girl in particular got on great and started texting every day and meeting up for coffee,cinema etc.
My friend was not happy that I was introduced to the group and started slagging me off to the girls in the hope they would stop liking me.
I tried to understand why my friend was doing this but it made no sense.
My friend stopped speaking to me and told lies to the girls about me.
They all left the group chat and opened a new one and I was not included anymore.
The girl I became close too,still text daily and have lots of conversations.
We don't speak about any of it.
She told me they are all away tomorrow for the weekend and all the things they have booked.
Obviously I'm not invited to any of it.
I'm hurt tbh that my long time friend did this and now my new friend didn't have my back either...yet she still speaks daily.
She doesn't acknowledge any of it.

OP posts:
Yesmate · 28/02/2020 14:16

Why would you want to go away with a group of people who don’t like you, have been horrible to you and dropped you as soon as old friend told them to?

Thehop · 28/02/2020 14:16

They all sound awful. You’re better off not part of their pathetic immature group.

Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 14:20

@Yesmate I actually don't think I do now.
I'm just hurt by it I think.
I guess if they had liked me they wouldn't do that.
I do genuinely like my new friend so it's a shame she's still all for my old friend when she knows she's sneaky .

OP posts:
Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 14:37

Also we went away in December (8 of us) on a 3 night break and had a good time (but friend 1 said me and new friend chatting all the time spoilt it )
We were all meant to go away in September and my old friend said (before we fell out ) that she had told the group to pick between us both who they wanted to go.

OP posts:
Nowayorhighway · 28/02/2020 14:38

This sounds like a playground drama, I’d steer clear of all of them.

dayswithaY · 28/02/2020 14:48

Do you ever see your new friend socially or is it just texting? If you don't actually meet up with her then it's not really a friendship, she clearly doesn't want to alienate the group by being seen out with you, but she's too nice to actually cut you off.

Your original friend probably tells a different story to you. She introduced you to her fun group of pals and you then swooped in and starting going out with them, leaving her out in the cold. Now she's made a power move and pushed you out.

I think you need to cut your losses and move on. This situation is too toxic to fix.

Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 14:53

@dayswithaY me and new friend do go out,cinema,drinks etc but not since old friend decided to fall out with me.
New friend didn't speak for a month then apologised.

OP posts:
recycledbottle · 28/02/2020 15:28

This can happen. Your old friend introduced you with the intention that you would be "her friend" who was out on nights out with "her other friends". She wanted to control the whole dynamic and increase her friend numbers. I have seen it happen where you get too ingrained in the group and then they don't like this as they are not in the center of it all. Your new friend may like you but not as much as she likes being within the larger group. These things happen. Try pick friends who are of stronger character not envious/insecure/jealous (old friend) or lacking in confidence/sits on sidelines/needs approval of others (new friend).

okiedokieme · 28/02/2020 15:30

Are you 14? I assume not then these aren't worthy of friendship, none of them. Get proper friends who are grown ups!

DimplesMcGee · 28/02/2020 15:36

TBH it sounds like your original friend thought you were Wendying her, so she pre-emptively made sure it couldn’t happen by getting you chucked out of the group.

AlternativePerspective · 28/02/2020 15:37

I’d like to hear this from the old friend’s perspective. There are usually two sides to every story.

All this talk of “old friend said that if I went she wouldn’t go,” how did you hear about that? And thinking the other one should have your back? Why? Just because you think they’re wrong doesn’t mean she has to, and she will have heard both sides and may just not want to be involved.

Friendships do change over time and that can be hurtful, but IME it’s rare for someone to just suddenly turn and turn a whole group against one person, start issuing ultimatums etc if there isn’t a reason.

At the end of the day you’re not friends any more. But, and I know that people will say here that she’s the only one in the wrong etc, it’s likely something you have done to upset them, even if it was subconsciously.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 15:42

Would you still keep texting the other girl?
Even tho she hasn't had my back etc

life is too short! If it makes you feel hurt because that gives you a window on what the group is doing, what's the point?

Move on, make other friends.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 15:43

it’s rare for someone to just suddenly turn and turn a whole group against one person, start issuing ultimatums etc if there isn’t a reason.

at 14, if the "new girl" starts being more popular than the one who introduced her, that's enough reasons Grin

Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 15:44

@AlternativePerspective she told me she gave her old friends the ultimatum.
She said she liked to keep her friendships separate and didn't want me friends with her group of other friends.
No arguments etc she just didn't want me involved.
All of them bar one work at the same place,so they are work friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 15:45

*other friends not old

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 28/02/2020 15:45

@ JustInCaseCakeHappens Grin

AlternativePerspective · 28/02/2020 15:47

But OP, they went along with her ultimatum, so they probably didn’t like you anyway and were just tolerating you being there because you were her friend.

Only children in the playground would take notice of an ultimatum like that. So perhaps she just told you she’d given them an ultimatum because she didn’t want to tell you that actually it was they who didn’t want you there.

Either way you all need to grow up.

Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 15:53

@AlternativePerspective my old friend has me blocked now on everything.
I did nothing wrong.
It was the other girls in the group chat who were including me not her.
She did her best not too.
She didn't want me on the last trip.
Then sulked the whole time when I was laughing with the other girls.

OP posts:
Cloudyapples · 28/02/2020 15:56

Honestly op I’d say nothing because if your old friend is as bad as you say then they might fall out with her eventually anyway And things could change

Original poster
beastfromtheeasty · 28/02/2020 15:59

@Cloudyapples she really is,she's lost so many friends over the years from her bullying tactics

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 28/02/2020 16:10

she really is,she's lost so many friends over the years from her bullying tactics ah now it becomes clear.

You actually knew what she was like because you’ve seen her be like it to others, but because you were her friend, you thought that you wouldn’t be treated like that, right?

Except if she was like that with others then being like it to you was inevitable.

So why did you stay friends with someone who you knew to be a bully and unpleasant? Was it ok when she bullied others because it wasn’t you?

You said upthread that you couldn’t understand why she’d done what she did, but you know exactly why she did it, because that’s the kind of person you already knew she was.

If you choose to be friends with unpleasant people then you have to realise that at some point they will do to you what you’ve seen them do to countless others.

Beautiful3 · 28/02/2020 16:11

AVOID them all and move on.

Kirkman · 28/02/2020 16:15

You post about this all the time.

You are all shitty friends. The new friend, who you have romantic interest is taking the piss out of you. Her friends come first. Not you. She will always side with them.

You wanted to try and remain friends with your old friend ONLY to get closer to the new 'friend'. Which appears to have caused problems.

Why would the new friend, invite you away witha bunch of people who dont want you there? You arent her girlfriend.

Every thread, you ar going to block new friend and move on. A few weeks later you are back. Same issue again and again.

AlternativePerspective · 28/02/2020 16:16

Ah. It’s that one? She wants a relationship with the new friend who doesn’t want a relationship with her and so on? I remember now? .

Pentium85 · 28/02/2020 16:21

OP, you post about this a lot.
Do you have any other friends around you locally as it seems you keep being drawn back to this same friends who quite frankly, don’t like you, for whatever reason.
I massively advise you either hang out with your other friends, or start attending some clubs etc to make new friends.

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