Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this osteopath friendly or Pervy?

84 replies

Nochangeplease · 27/02/2020 23:36

It’s an osteopath that I was referred to by the gp. He is an older man if it matters, maybe 50-60. Obviously it’s necessary to take my top off which is not something I’m completely comfortable with (even with doctors ect) so I’m not sure if being in this uneasy and vulnerable state is skewing my judgement.
The first time I saw him I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable with the conversation a few time’s. Can’t remember details now but over the sessions there have been comments like “I bet you say that to all the boys” as a joke after something I’d said. He often talks of his daughter (17) and wife, which then makes me think he’s just a normal guy.
There was a strange conversation about bras last
Time. We was talking about causes of back pain and he went on to the subject
Of bras, told me that lots of female patients complain about bras and went on to describe a strangely done up bra that a previous patient had on. Said it was cross crossed And he had never seen anything like and she had said she got it in Ann summers and he was surprised as he thought they only sold “saucy knickers and such”. Mentioned his wife was big chested and his daughter looked to be going the same way (in reference to back pain)
He then carries on with normal chit chat but my gut feeling is this is not really appropriate conversation?
But then again, he’s in a position of trust, doing his job and it’s probably entirely innocent and I just feel a bit weird. Aibu?

OP posts:
PaperFlowers4 · 28/02/2020 09:11

I actually think a lot of sleazy men do this thing where they skirt the very fine line between appropriate and inappropriate chat so women are left guessing themselves and wonder if they are just being paranoid

PaperFlowers4 · 28/02/2020 09:14

Hit post too soon -

As a healthcare provider this man should err on the side of caution and make sure nothing he says could be misconstrued or taken out of context. I think OP should trust your instincts on this one and move on

Scrunchy95 · 28/02/2020 09:15

Why do you need to take your top off? I’ve used Osteopaths quite a bit over the years and never needed to disrobe.

welliesarefuntowear · 28/02/2020 09:22

I actually think a lot of sleazy men do this thing where they skirt the very fine line between appropriate and inappropriate chat so women are left guessing themselves and wonder if they are just being paranoid

I absolutely agree. Years ago I saw a GP who thought it appropriate to fondle my breasts when I'd gone to him as I was having a miscarriage. This left me feeling as though it was a necessary part of 5he examination. This shit still happens, my experience was about 20 years ago.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 28/02/2020 09:33

It might not be outrageously creepy, but that doesn’t matter. I think as an osteopath you are in such close contact with patients and often touching them in quite private places, so you have to be squeaky clean. There’s so much trust there and they really really have to make sure the patient is comfortable and that there isn’t a trace of inappropriateness. The ‘I bet you say that to all the boys’ comment alone feels very off in that context, even if it might not be a big deal in another setting.

And as others have said, it doesn’t matter what we all think. If you aren’t comfortable then don’t ignore that feeling. Speak up. Ask for a different osteopath and don’t let worries about hurting his feelings override your very useful and sensible instincts.

There was a good episode of the Guilty Feminist about Instinct, and she said that all the times in her life where something bad had happened to her, she felt like her instincts had been telling her something was off but she ignored them for fear of being rude/difficult/awkward. That isn’t to say it’s therefore women’s fault if something bad does happen, but those feelings are there for a reason and women have spent far too long pushing them down to keep other people happy!

Happygirl79 · 28/02/2020 09:43

He should know better than talk like that to a patient
I would request a change of practitioner
Creepy

spongejack · 28/02/2020 09:47

You're not comfortable and I can see why, go elsewhere.

spongejack · 28/02/2020 09:51

@welliesarefuntowear JFC that's awful!

AlunWynsKnee · 28/02/2020 09:53

If you aren't comfortable then he is not right for you.
Years ago we took dc to an osteopath who seemed friendly enough but I was on edge with him and DH said he was too. He was later suspended for inappropriate treatment on women.

SpottyShoes123 · 28/02/2020 10:04

Hi. I’ve seen a chiropractor in similar situations. He definitely had conversations with me about bras, size of breasts and handbags; these all impact hugely on the spine. However the conversations felt very fact finding, medical and informative at no stage did I feel uncomfortable. I would have been mortified as a teenager if my dad was speaking about me in that way; the fact that he’s referencing specific people is unusual (and creepy) and something my chiropractor would not have done
Trust your gut. Could you bring someone into the room with you or ask for someone else.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/02/2020 10:07

He is making you uncomfortable. Change practitioners and ask for a chaperone

woodn · 28/02/2020 11:06

@messolini9 dad isn't an osteopath so not really relevant. But if it did come up with someone then I'd have no issue.

I just don't see it as weird, I think he just sounds like he was making conversation. Something I'd probably say to be honest. No need to be a prude.

My dad isn't sleazy, he can just talk about the female body without sexualising it, unlike you.

WTF99 · 28/02/2020 11:12

Not ok.
It's entirely possible for a hcp to discuss back issues without having to reference either his daughter's chest or Ann Summers.
I'd find someone else. Or at the very least take a woman friend to sit in the session with you.

Languishingfemale · 28/02/2020 11:15

Excellent post messolini9 .
So many women telling another woman to ignore her instincts is such a bad look Sad

DDiva · 28/02/2020 11:20

If your not comfortable you should change.

However talking about back pain due to bras is completely standard. The first comment steps over the line a bit and talking about his family is not that professional but he may even be talking about them hoping to put you at ease.

GoldenCrunchMunch · 28/02/2020 15:57

You aren't over reacting. Think of it this way, if you complain and he is just an innocent chatty guy then he'll be embarassed and upset that he accidentally made you feel uncomfortable and immediately change his ways

Sunflowersok · 28/02/2020 16:03

I think we have our intuition built in us for a reason don’t we? Is something seems off to you it probably is!

Saying that being in a position of trust... some hospital worker got arrested for sucking a patients toes recently. Says it all doesn’t it!

AppleBang · 28/02/2020 16:22

Can we maybe stop referring to some bloke of 50 as ' old, pervy and of another generation?' I mean, WTF? You talk as if he's 90! Using age as an insult is just that

That said, if you feel uncomfortable then switch

Dora26 · 28/02/2020 16:31

Switch. Have been to quite a few osteopaths over the years in both Britain and Ireland, male and female and never had to remove more than shoes and possibly belt. NEVER had a weird conversation like yours OP - don’t go back

Original poster
Nochangeplease · 28/02/2020 18:55

Can we maybe stop referring to some bloke of 50 as ' old, pervy and of another generation?' I mean, WTF? You talk as if he's 90!

It felt kind of relevant. He is another generation to me. He is of my parents generation. I feel that younger professionals have been trained under very different guidelines around safeguarding and misconduct ect.

To reiterate, my issues are nothing to do with bras. It is mostly neck pain caused by a trapped nerve. There was no need for the subject of bras. It was literally out of nowhere and then telling me about a clients Ann summers bra.

I’m now slightly freaked out by people saying they’ve never taken a top off. He says things like “oh I’m all about preserving dignity” and asks me if I want a towel to cover with. Which I do.

I don’t know. Maybe I should wear a strappy vest top next time. There’d be no need to take that off. Beciase it’s leave the same top area exposed as a bra does and he only works on that area. No lower back.

OP posts:
GiveEmHellKid · 28/02/2020 19:09

I had a very odd experience with an osteopath. Also had to take my top off and once he unclipped my bra without warning. Had me do all sorts of weird things that I was never quite sure were legitimate or not. It was that blurred line where I didn’t feel comfortable but couldn’t say he was doing wrong.

I’m in the south east.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 28/02/2020 22:22

I’ve taken my top off for the osteopath before, so he could examine my spine curvature and do some massage type stuff on my shoulders which really helped. I kept my bra on though!

RandomMess · 28/02/2020 22:26

Just ewwwwwww and I've 2 older Male osteopaths and have had to have some quite personal treatment due to long standing pelvis issues.

womaninblue · 28/02/2020 22:37

Complain to the professional body that he's registered with. He sounds as if he needs to be brought up to date with what's acceptable. Best case scenario is that he's become too relaxed around his clients. Worst case scenario is that he's getting off on talking bras. Not acceptable in a professional context unless he's giving practical advice on the best kind of bra to prevent your back/ shoulder pain.

Thelnebriati · 28/02/2020 22:45

I actually think a lot of sleazy men do this thing where they skirt the very fine line between appropriate and inappropriate chat so women are left guessing themselves and wonder if they are just being paranoid
I wish I could 'like' posts on Mumsnet because this is spot on.

If you go again, insist on a female chaperone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread