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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to facilitate collection of a cat

68 replies

Catlover196 · 27/02/2020 16:50

Hello, I volunteer for a charity where I foster cats until they are adopted. The benefits of this for the charity is the cat stays with me for free rather than they pay by day for a cattery, and the cat enjoys a loving home rather than being in a cattery.

I’ve currently got a little cat who has required some serious health issues investigating. Apparently during this time someone became interested in adopting him but I was not told. I went away for a weekend so placed the cat in the cattery and the prospective adopter visited and reserved him during this weekend.

Yesterday he had the all clear from his test results so I was given the number of the prospective adopter to make contact so that they could come to my house and collect him. I made contact today advising I was free any day next week from Monday onwards.

The man then phoned me and unleashed a barrage of anger saying if he couldn’t collect him tonight he wasn’t going to have him at all and that he has been messed around for three weeks. I stated he hasn’t been messed around - the cat was undergoing tests!

I ended up having to hang up on him due to the angry arguing that I did not want to participate in.

I informed the charity saying I had concerns and wouldn’t let this man in my house. They asked if they could collect him Saturday which is not convenient for me due to a family commitment. They then asked if I could drive him 20minutes to the vet on Monday at a specific time that would require me to leave work early.

I normally drive him everywhere and don’t have an issue but am I just being unreasonable not wanting to facilitate anything to do with this meeting?

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 27/02/2020 16:52

I think you should be helpful with regards to getting the car back to the charity. But at a time when it suits you.

pontefractals · 27/02/2020 16:52

If he's kicking off verbally at someone he's never spoken to before, is he really a good home for this poor cat?
I don't think you're unreasonable at all and I definitely wouldn't have an aggressive stranger in my house, given the choice!

FredaFrogspawn · 27/02/2020 16:52

Cat!

Pipandmum · 27/02/2020 16:52

I would say no but you could go at X time. You are a volunteer. It should be at your convenience not anyone else's.

mencken · 27/02/2020 16:53

no. Tell the charity that this man has threatened you and as a volunteer they have a duty to protect you.

if you don't get a satisfactory answer, find another charity and tell the charity commission about this one.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2020 16:53

Doesn't sound like he's a suitable adoptee.
What checks do they make?

FredaFrogspawn · 27/02/2020 16:54

They aren’t expecting you to have this man in your home. Not taking cat to vet isn’t fair. Two separate issues here.

TheMemoryLingers · 27/02/2020 16:55

I wouldn't want to release a cat to someone like that.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/02/2020 16:56

I’d want to get the cat adopted as soon as possible so I would drop the cat off at a vet for the adopter to pick up later. That seems a fair compromise for not allowing him to your home to me.
And honestly many people have zero social skills but are also lovely with cats. So his being rude and angry with you doesn’t mean he’ll be a bad pet owner.

Original poster
Catlover196 · 27/02/2020 16:57

I guess what I want is someone from the charity to collect him rather than me now having to go out of my way for this man. They offered to do this Saturday but I have already pre-arranged family commitments, hence why I suggested any time from Monday onwards. Now they want me to drop him at the vets, leaving early from work and driving 20 minutes our of my way, where the prospective adopter will collect him.

The charity are proceeding with this adoption despite my concerns.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catlover196 · 27/02/2020 16:58

My concerns that he would be a bad pet owner were that he viewed medical tests as “messing him around”.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 27/02/2020 16:58

Mencken,
I would not advise lying to the charity alleging the man threatened the OP and she needs protection. That will end up involving the police and making false allegations is seriously fucked up unreasonable.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/02/2020 17:01

Are you 100% sure that he knew the cat was undergoing medical tests before he accused the charity of messing him around? Might have been a miscommunication.

Original poster
Catlover196 · 27/02/2020 17:02

100% sure as I reiterated the point in response to his comment and he was well aware. He had to be made aware also before agreeing to adoption as there could be issues later down the line.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 27/02/2020 17:02

What mencken said, also tell them that the cat would be afraid of someone shouting and behaving aggressively.

GarlicSoup · 27/02/2020 17:17

Bloody hell the cat shouldn’t be allowed to go to this man Angry hope you can keep the cat safe with you OP. Well done for the work you do Flowers.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 27/02/2020 17:21

That is disgusting behaviour - both the man and the charity to allow the adoption to go ahead. I am going to be really worried for the poor cat now Sad

When I fostered I was clearly told my word was the final yay or nay to any prospective owners, even if it was just a gut feeling. This would have been a massive red flag no way jose!

I feel quite distressed for both you OP and the cat now.

halcyondays · 27/02/2020 17:25

He doesn’t sound like a suitable person to adopt a cat. I thought animal charities were usual quite careful now about finding suitable people.

TorkTorkBam · 27/02/2020 17:28

Yes, make someone from the charity come and collect the cat from you.

Alsohuman · 27/02/2020 17:33

Surely you could take the cat to the vet on Monday at a time convenient to you and his new slave could collect him at a time convenient to him? It’s not your issue whether he’s a suitable adopter or not, if the charity’s satisfied, it’s their responsibility.

pussycatinboots · 27/02/2020 17:42

Honestly.
I'd keep the cat myself before I'd let that wanker have him!
He sounds bloody awful. Can you imagine how he might kick off if the poor cat had an accident?
I'd tell the charity of your concerns again.

Original poster
Catlover196 · 27/02/2020 19:21

Thanks for your thoughts. Really torn how to proceed.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 27/02/2020 19:42

I’d keep the cat too, wtf are they thinking?.

madcatladyforever · 27/02/2020 19:44

I would not allow this man to have the cat at all. He sounds crackers.

TheCakeCrusader · 27/02/2020 20:15

Just tell the charity that dropping off the cat at the vets on Monday doesn’t work for you.

Also, ask about any safeguarding policy the charity might have and state again that you do have concerns over the potential adoptee.

How did the charity respond when you told them about the abusive phone call?

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