Husband grumping with blocked ear

[NearlyGranny]

He gets blocked ears with earwax about once every year or so. The local surgery say they've stopped doing it. Perhaps it's cuts, they didn't say.

It's been over a week of grumpiness and listening having to hear him complain about how he's paid for this with his NI. He's spent money on a kit that didn't work and this morning he's huffed off the the local MIU where he expects to get it done. Earlier in the week, I had a pretty gruelling appointment at the County hospital and he was umming and ahing about whether he would walk across to A&E to get them to see to it while he waited for me. I did manage talk him out of that.

All the while he could have gone to Boots and paid £35 and be happily hearing again instead of trying to pick fights with me. He's even gone into town to complain to our MP about it, which is only a few doors away from Boots. I tried to help by googling where he could get it done, which he could easily have done himself, but all he did was moan at me for bringing my phone into to the bedroom.

Is it unreasonable to expect him to have sorted this promptly himself by now? He's not short of money and he's not been pleadant company at all for ten days now. I'd have every sympathy if it were something incurable, but I'm growing weary of tiptoeing around him, though I haven't snapped at him - yet!

He sounds pretty hard work OP. I’m interested that he made your ‘pretty gruelling’ hospital appt about him.

Is he generally a bit self-absorbed?

Hero complex, that would be a yes! 🙄

Oh good grief! I have one ear that gets completely blocked by wax and I have to go to the ENT every four months to be cleaned out but never would I go to A&E for that

You have my sympathy, I hope he has redeeming features, and that you have good friends and an independent life.

It’s miserable being a bit deaf, but as you say he could sort it out pretty quickly. Don’t let him get you down, and I hope your own health issue gets resolved.

When you say ‘kit’ is that the Otovent?

He has too much time on his hands, by the sound of it.

Earplugs or headphones for you .

It's the Otovent, yes. He:s still grumping but I am indeed independent and surrounded by good friends with whom I've been out tonight. The delights of Emma at the local cinema. 😊

Ear syringing has been proven to do more harm than good in the long run - this is (albeit cost effective) evidence based medicine. In the private sector your husband can pay for whatever service he likes, on the NHS it should always be evidence based.
Sorry, guess you know that already

Sounds hippy dippy but I swear by Hopi ear candles. You can get them really cheaply from Amazon.

Tell him to lie in a hot bath with his ear under water for a bit, he might get lucky.

It is very unpleasant when your ear blocks like this and sudden loss of hearing, if that's what he had, is supposed to be treated as a medical emergency. I get that the NHS has other priorities but my hearing went in one ear during a meeting I was chairing a while back and it was really disorientating and confusing. My doctor's surgery syringed it and my ear was red and painful at that stage.I'm just not sure that I'd have been happy popping into somewhere on the main Street to get it syringed without any medical advice.

Microsuction has always worked best for me, whereas syringing just makes it worse. If he can't get an NHS referral, private clinics charge around £60 if that's an option for you.

That sounds like self neglect! Stuff the advice re elbows and ear canals...Clean them out daily with cotton buds. After a shower when the filth and wax is softer.

And yes...I run with scissors too.

Hang on a sec?! If GP used to Provide this service but now don't, then surely GP or GP receptionist should be recommending where he should go?

I think they don’t do it any more as it causes more problems than not doing it. The question really is what did they suggest instead? Has he been down the olive oil drops daily route?

He could find a private ear clinic or even Specsavers and probably get a same day apt for around £40 per ear. I have to do this about once a year for both ears. It is very debilitating so I sort it quickly. Microsuction rather than syringing.

@JavaQ 🤣.

I get this and yes the GP no longer syringes. Get drops from Boots or use olive oil. Takes a few days but does the trick. Can't see what reason he has to be grumpy frankly.

Buy an ear syringe off amazon and olive oil and syringe the: for him, there videos on you tube!

Get him to get this done through ent. Ask his dr to refer him. It's still free.

Sounds hippy dippy but I swear by Hopi ear candles. You can get them really cheaply from Amazon.

There is zero evidence to say ear candles do anything other than present a fire risk. It’s a complete placebo effect.

Then he should use Otex every few months so his ears don't get blocked.

@PleaseSeeMeNow How can it be a placebo when you can see the wax that's been drawn out?

Friends have recommended microsuction, too, and a local-ish practitioner. I am putting the contact details on the kitchen chalkboard as everything I say - and don't say - is still being pounced on!

Blocked ear is vile and makes you and those around you feel miserable. I get it every few years.

It will not go away by itself so it needs sorting.

I'm aware I'm a pain while I've got it.
So no - you are NOT being unreasonable.

If you want him to change his behaviour, telling him to won't work. He needs to think and feel differently first. Some assertiveness techniques may help!

Start with 'I understand that … ' and empathise with his symptoms and its effects.

Effects include:
Loss of hearing = Communication much more difficult for both of you
It hurts - pressure on the eardrum can be very painful
It feels like a dull heavy weight pulling your head over = your balance can be affected
Tinnitus, fizzing, rumbling, buzzing, hissing noises can drive you mad and stop you sleeping, which makes you feel worse and behave worse around others

Some people suffer these permanently of course, because of different health conditions - but with blocked ear, all these problems are temporary IF he gets it sorted out. It will not go away by itself.

Then 'however…' with the effects this and his mood is having on you both.

Him failing to get it sorted is affecting both his quality of life and yours and is also affecting your relationship.

And finally 'therefore … ' with what he needs to do next to get better.

DIY - Boots ear drops do help with softening but really better as prevention than cure. I found the DIY kit no use at all, probably because I was terrified of causing damage.

I managed to get an appointment with my GP nurse who uses an electric water syringing machine (not the giant steampunk brass syringe they used to use by hand any more). No problem whatsoever getting her to do it, so it's not yet abandoned as a treatment.

Boots Hearingcare and Specsavers do offer it if he cannot get it done at your surgery.

If he gets it sorted he will be in a better state of mind and health to campaign and complain once he feels better and can concentrate.

Sticking to a calm controlled broken record approach will help you keep your sanity as you deal with a frightened bloke whose world is closing in because this tiny insignificant thing, a plug of removable earwax, is not being dealt with.

So you know - the effect is usually instantaneous and fantastic. But sometimes even though the nurse can see it's all gone, if there's cleansing water trapped in there it can be several days before it feels clear. That will go by itself.