EX husband and holidays

[shouldisay]

Ok quick one, EX husband has decided he is taking kids on holiday in April. There are two reasons why I'm not happy but not sure legally what I can do. He sees the kids usually EOW, I don't have a residency order.

Reason 1...oldest daughter is due to start her NAT 5 exams the week after she gets back, she will be away the last week of the Easter holidays and willl miss one week of term. An important week given it's the week before exams start.

Reason 2....they are planning on going to Tenerife , not the same place as the coronavirus cases but still.

I have told him about the exams and stuff and so has my daughter but he says it's pretty much non negotiable and she can study while she is on holiday. I'm not being unreasonable in putting my foot down and saying no am I? And can I say no given he has parental rights also?

Has he asked the school for permission to take her out?
Will he pay both fines?
I think you should contact the school yourself and inform them that you are not in agreement with your dd being taken out of school.

That's the thing, he will be asking for permission but even if they don't allow, he will still do it. It's highly unlikely there will be a fine imposed. It's not generally done up here. Probably just get a slapped wrist.

I think your DD can refuse to go. And I can't see any judge making her go at such a crucial time.
I would suggest you get some legal advice.

he says it's pretty much non negotiable

Well, assuming you have parental responsibility, you can refuse to consent.

I would see a lawyer as I'm not sure how this would work in practice - when I take my DC abroad without exH's consent, I always imagine that he'd just make one call to Border Force and we'd be detained, but I'm sure it's not as simple as that in practice!

I think I would let her go and take her books as your ex has said she can study while she is there. Your DD can have some enjoyment and some time studying.

The Coronavirus subject will depend on what the situation is at that time, which is quite a way off.

Do your DD and other DC want to go? I'd be trying to enable what they want, if they're old enough to express a preference. Get his request to take them and commitment to handling any and all resulting flack, letters, fines etc without involving you, and alert the scool(s) to what's being proposed and that you don't approve.

That's about all you can do without triggering a major issue that could impact badly on the children.

Good luck!

There isn’t a chance my child would miss the week of school before his exams Not just because of the education but also our school is doing a practice the week before so everyone knows where they will sit, how it will all work etc. It would be a bad week to miss. I would refuse to let him take the children. Just don’t send them that weekend and then he can’t take them? X

Two youngest want to go, they are in primary so not really an issue...oldest DD the one who has exams doesn't want to go, she knows she needs to pass these to get her qualifications for Uni and would rather be at school. I've told her she doesn't have to go but of course he is laying on the guilt and she feels terrible. I think I'm just going to tel him that she isn't going. She doesn't want to, that should be enough for him.

the one who has exams doesn't want to go, she knows she needs to pass these to get her qualifications for Uni and would rather be at school. I've told her she doesn't have to go but of course he is laying on the guilt and she feels terrible

Some cracking parenting right there.

I would give the school a heads up that he's likely to ask for leave and that you have already said no as it's a terrible idea. And keep reassuring DD that she doesn't have to go and that she's making the right decision.

Absolutely ridiculous. During the two weeks of Easter holidays most schools offer revision classes. Plenty of other places offering study camps. Afterwards teachers will be in full on revision mode before exam leave.
I know I will be paying a fortune for privately run nat5 intensive courses over the two week break for my son. And missing a week of school wouldn’t ever be an option. Who currently holds your daughter’s passport?

How does your daughter feel about this situation?

I can’t believe a father would “guilt trip” his daughter during what is already a pretty stressful time. If she doesn’t want to go then end of discussions. He cannot make her go x

Who’s got the passports? I’d go to citizens advice about getting an order stopping him. If you refused to give him the children would he just take them out of school?

You have every right to refuse this, it is the legal right of anyone with PR. I would say they can go for the week in the school hols but not the term time week, her exams are more important than any holiday.

hmmm. I think if the eldest doesn't want to go she absolutely shouldn't have to. There should be no guilt tripping either! If he's so upset about her not going he should have checked the date with her first.

Presumably she's 17/18 if this is something to do with Uni? (Sorry no idea what NAT 5 is!) she's old enough to make her own decisions here.

I would let the 2 youngest go but obv thats a very different situation in that they want to, and that they are primary age.

I wouldn't let your eldest go no matter how much your ex strips. Realistically how much studying would she get done on holiday. Why can't he take them away after her exams?

*strops

Nat 5’s are a Scottish exam. There’s no fines up here.

Are Nat 5s the Scottish equivalent to GCSEs?

No way would I allow him to take your eldest. Reassure her she'll be staying at home with you to revise, take her for a couple of nice trips out while the younger two are away.

He'll have to expect there could be last minute travel issues regarding coronavirus.

Speak to a solicitor about getting court order preventing this. I'm a family lawyer based in England, but I'm know there's something similar you can apply for - it's just the terminology is different.

Who currently has the passports?

Whats if she’s quarantined on the way back? She’ll miss all her exams

Unfortunately yes he guilt trips, the usual script, it's too late to change, we just want to give you a holiday because you never get with your mum...all that shit. Drives me mad to be honest. And no he can't take them after exams because that doesn't fit in with his plans. He has always done what he wants without any thought of the impact of others.

She is nearly 16, not uni age yet but still needs to pass these in order to free up her timetable to do her highers next year. She is plenty old enough to decide for herself if she wants to go or not.

She started off thinking that it would be a great idea, studying by the pool in the sun, me and her step father tried to explain realistically what would happen and how important it was to be in school and we let her digest that info. On reflection she has realised she needs to be in school so I'm no longer the joy sucking mum.

And he still has their passports from the last holiday he was going to take them away on about 4 months ago That didn't materialise despite them all being excited to go, I was kind of expecting this to be the same to be honest but apparently not.

It is incredibly shit parenting to think that going away before N5s is a good idea. Even if he was taking them for one week during Easter break that would be bad enough, but schools here put on Easter study camps too. She needs to be at home the whole time and concentrating on exams.

She doesn’t need to go. She can instruct her own solicitor if needs be and she would get legal aid to do this. Advise your ex of this and tell him to lay off the guilt trip and let her stay at home and be prepared for her exams.