EX husband and holidays

[shouldisay]

Ok quick one, EX husband has decided he is taking kids on holiday in April. There are two reasons why I'm not happy but not sure legally what I can do. He sees the kids usually EOW, I don't have a residency order.

Reason 1...oldest daughter is due to start her NAT 5 exams the week after she gets back, she will be away the last week of the Easter holidays and willl miss one week of term. An important week given it's the week before exams start.

Reason 2....they are planning on going to Tenerife , not the same place as the coronavirus cases but still.

I have told him about the exams and stuff and so has my daughter but he says it's pretty much non negotiable and she can study while she is on holiday. I'm not being unreasonable in putting my foot down and saying no am I? And can I say no given he has parental rights also?

I did Scottish exams - studying through that Easter holiday day was crucial for my results. If DD doesn’t want to go in order to concentrate on her exams, then her ‘D’F shouldn’t guilt her into going. That’s rubbish parenting.
Do you think you can give her the courage and support to stand up to him?

I would get a prohibited step order.

The exams is the primary concern, most emphasis there (a letter from the school would be helpful).

Tenerife is a legitimate concern, but won't necessarily get the prohibited steps if there isn't a travel advisory in place (and he could simply change the location) and the Judge thinks coronavirus isn't a concern. I would include it as a secondary concern with relevant official government advice included as evidence, including any travel advisory if/when that's issued.

You can make the application yourself. Cost £215 iirc.

Your ex is a bellend. My condolences. 💐

Really in your shoes let them go.
And book somewhere for you to have a break also
Wipe the smug face off him to think he is providing childcare while YOU Swan off...
Even a night away will do!!

@FarTooMuchWashing of course. She has already said to her father she needs to be at hone and I've told her not to worry I will also be telling him. She absolutely doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. I guess I just needed to know I wasn't being totally unreasonable. He has a way of making you think you're the bad guy.

His fault for not agreeing dates with you in advance. You need to make it clear you don't consent to DD going because of the important public exam, and that she doesn't want to go for that reason.

3 options:

• rearrange to take all DCs on an agreed date which does not interfere with schooling,
• take them all for 1 week instead of 2 (if DD is happy with that)
• take the other two for the dates he's booked.

You may not be happy with option 2 - what if there is an outbreak while she's there, she'll be put in quarantine and won't be able to sit the exam. You may likewise not be happy for the other two to go. If he applies, the court will look at the coronavirus risks, the fact he didn't consult you, the arbitrary interference with schooling, the fact DD doesn't want to go, whether he is able to cancel or not (eg will he just lose a small deposit, or the whole lot?).

If you won't agree his only option is court proceedings. He may well be unlikely to get this before the court in time anyway.

Stupid man for booking without consulting you.

I am with the go get a court order and get a residency order whilst you are there for the younger ones as I have a feling he is going to start being a PITA about this if you "defy" him and he will see it as you despite it being ridiculous to take her for the holidays never mind the school week

@shouldisay good to hear. You are definitely not unreasonable. If I were your DD I wouldn’t want to go and miss study time and school.

Wow op YANBU, imagine pressuring a child to deliberately miss out on important revision!

He couldn’t have booked October or the actual school Easter hols? Eejit .

She sounds very conscientious though op and surely as her dad he can see that she’s upset and worried about missing revision and school time to catch up with anything she wants to ask or revise with teachers? Your ex sounds a prize tool op, my son does exams next year we will book a holiday for June so missing may exams completely, something for him to look forward to. I hope you can sort this amicably

Well see he thought he had booked the actual Easter holidays. But he didn't factor in that we live in different local authorities. The LA I live in goes by the agricultural calendar and so have differing holidays than the LA he lives in.

By not disagreeing to the holiday surely you will also be liable to the fine?

I would write to the school and advice you are not agreeable to this holiday in term time

I’d firstly seek legal advice on how to protect yourself

Surely NRP should be taking child away during school holidays unless exceptional circumstances just like any other parent

If he wanted the cheap prices, and thought it was fine to take kids out of school, why didn’t he book just after the exams? And make the little ones miss school but the elder would have finished? If he’s that determined?

You’ve had some great advice her re prohibited steps order. Interesting idea that your dd could get her own solicitor!

His problem. He should have checked with you. If he's booked 2 weeks he was clearly expecting the entirety of the Easter holiday, which is not necessarily reasonable. Expensive mistake which he will not repeat!

I don't think you should bother applying for a prohibited steps order. I practice in England/Wales so don't know the law in Scotland, but here if he doesn't have a residence order he can't take them without your permission. If he wants to take them, it's for him to apply. He is unlikely to do so because he is in the wrong. You taking the bull by the horns and applying to stop him may seem like a good idea, but it may be an unnecessary waste of money. The courts don't like micromanaging people's lives and will expect the two of you to try to resolve the impasse. DD is not of an age where he will be able to force her to go, so I don't think you making an application is necessary.

As for a residence order - the usual order in England/Wales these days is for both parents to have a residence order, to avoid one parent being made the primary parent (even where the DCs spend more time with that parent). So again, I'm not sure I'd recommend applying for one of those either. A residence order gives you the right to take DCs on holiday without consent for up to 28 days. Again, not sure how different it is in Scotland.

Why can't he wait until after her exams? Take the younger ones (but maybe not Tenerife - and make sure he has comprehensive travel insurance) and then take her somewhere once her exams finish?

oh he's already booked? Did he ask her first? What an idiot. Why do people do this? Not just ex-partners but if you are booking a holiday CHECK THE DATES FIRST!

To try and put a more positive slant on things, can you suggest that he takes DD away for weekend after the exams - a proper grown-up weekend away without the younger ones.

I wouldn't think she should go in a normal year, but there is the extra problem this year with the coronavirus - some schools have been telling kids to stay at home if they've come back from an affected area - which in her case would presumably mean missing the exams altogether. The specific area may not be affected at the moment, but things could change, even during the course of the holiday.

If it's two weeks. Could dd go for first week then fly home herself.

If he wants to take the younger ones, it might be worth negotiating what happens if it becomes an area of concern with regard to coronavirus. Given that people returning from some areas are being asked to self-quarantine, is he going to be willing to keep the children for that period, should it be necessary?

He wants a babysitter.

And I'm also guessing he can never be wrong.