Contact after first date

[MillsOLD]

Recently started online dating and met someone for a first date on Saturday. Lovely guy, we initially met for coffee in the morning but actually ended up spending the whole day out together as we got on really well. When the date came to an end that evening(!), he said he’d love to see me again and suggested taking me for lunch on Friday. The date was agreed but no timings or location planned. By the time I’d got home he’d sent a message thanking me for a lovely date, to which I replied that I’d also had a really nice time. Since then I haven’t heard anything from him and I’m a bit surprised.

I’m just wondering what is considered ‘normal’ in terms of contact between the first and second date? P.S. I’m 45 and following a divorce, I’m dating again for the first time in 20 years... please be kind

Text him then

Sent too early.
Text him then. He might be wondering the same thing. Or not. Only way to find out

I think it’s fine to send a message, it’s been 3 days now.

I’d send a text, just saying did he have any ideas for Friday. If he doesn’t reply you have your answer. But hopefully he will.

All the men I know are rubbish at texting! They just tend to text if there’s a practical need. Why not text him and say you’re looking forward to a Friday and are wondering if he’s got any thoughts about a good place to meet?

Thanks everyone. I don’t know if I’m worrying unnecessarily but I’d have certainly expected to hear from him now. At the same time, I don’t want to appear too clingy by initiating a text!

Just text him

You sent the last text. Don't text him again, it's his turn and he knows it. He's probably testing you.

You sent the last text. Don't text him again, it's his turn and he knows it

I’m not sure this is really how it works? Her date initiated a text to say he’d had a lovely time, OP replied saying the same. The conversation was naturally then at an end. Not sure why it’s then considered his ‘turn’ to initiate the next text necessarily?

Hmm, I’d be expecting to have heard from him by now. Don’t see why it’s down to you to initiate contact

You're still getting to know eachother. As you've agreed to a new date, I wouldn't expect much contact till close to the date.

Maybe tomorrow send a message saying that you need to make firm plans for Friday and will he let you know what his plans for the date are.

If he'd messaged again on Sunday that might have been too soon, where he'd have come across as clingy / desperate. It's now getting to a nice time for a few messages before the date. PP's suggestion of "Any thoughts yet on what to do on Friday?" is nice. You could also suggest a place / idea yourself if you have anything in mind. Be wary of people who think there should be "turns", real life isn't like that and you probably want a nice man rather than an overly experienced serial dater.

For goodness sake.

Text him.

If he thinks that's too clingy then you won't be spoiling anything because that would be a ridiculous thing to think and he'd be very strange so not someone you'd want to date anyway.

If he isn't interested anyway he'll either reply saying no thanks or he'll ignore you, so you'll know where you stand.

If he replies with a nice message to organise a second date then great.

There's no downside to texting him if you actually want to know where you stand.

Maybe tomorrow send a message saying that you need to make firm plans for Friday and will he let you know what his plans for the date are.

HIS plans? Why wait for him to decide? I'd text him tomorrow: "Really looking forward to Friday. Suggest we meet at 12.30 at ....... Does this work for you?"

Be more assertive and text him with a solid plan for Friday. If it works for him then great, if not it’s no skin off your back really.

HIS plans? Why wait for him to decide?

The OP mentioned that her date had offered to take her out for lunch, therefore surely the expectation is that he is the one making the arrangements and should be communicating them?

If you don’t have a time or a place you don’t have a date. Either message him directly and ask or just live your life as though this agreement to a second date never happened, because unless it’s solidified it basically never did.

BTW that’s not “man up and ask him” because if he was that bothered he’d do it himself...

You spent a whole day with him.

Just text him.

If he enjoyed your company that much he won't be interested in stupid waiting games.

OP, in my experience, if they want you, they pursue you.. so I wouldn’t bother texting

How was contact before the date?

I would find it a little odd to have radio silence nearly a week after after a day long date to be honest.

Maybe he doesn't want to spend the week with you both sending inane texts backwards and forwards! I don't blame him.

I would text tomorrow though to ask where he was thinking of meeting on Friday.

Text him now something casual like "are you still free for lunch on Friday?". Hopefully he replies this evening and you'll sort something. Give us an update.

I'm 41 and not a big texter. I wouldn't think anything of it until Wednesday. Come Wednesday evening I would then text and ask if Friday is still on and when and where.

@keepingbees their first date was on Saturday, so it’s only been 3 days?