Contact after first date

[MillsOLD]

Recently started online dating and met someone for a first date on Saturday. Lovely guy, we initially met for coffee in the morning but actually ended up spending the whole day out together as we got on really well. When the date came to an end that evening(!), he said he’d love to see me again and suggested taking me for lunch on Friday. The date was agreed but no timings or location planned. By the time I’d got home he’d sent a message thanking me for a lovely date, to which I replied that I’d also had a really nice time. Since then I haven’t heard anything from him and I’m a bit surprised.

I’m just wondering what is considered ‘normal’ in terms of contact between the first and second date? P.S. I’m 45 and following a divorce, I’m dating again for the first time in 20 years... please be kind

@ClarKkb... maybe he just needs a little push though. Or he may be worried about picking the right venue. Whatever, there's no need in this day and age for a woman to sit, wait and worry.

there's no need in this day and age for a woman to sit, wait and worry.

Amen to that!

The OP mentioned that her date had offered to take her out for lunch, therefore surely the expectation is that he is the one making the arrangements and should be communicating them?

Exactly. And I would be telling him that if he didn't confirm plans, I had alternatives. I wouldn't be leaving Friday open waiting for him till the last minute.

"Hey! Just planning my weekend - you still free on Friday?"

Easy!

@CbothsideslikeChanel you're right, I was thinking of Saturday to their Friday date. Ignore me I have a migraine!

Dating should be fun @Lweji, but also looking for somebody who's actually compatible; if they both start off playing mind games there's little point really.

So OP, what did you do?!

Erm... it's not mind games. The very opposite.
It's being very clear that to date me you need to be clear about plans. No last minute shit, expecting me to be available.

It’s still early, it’s only Tuesday!

Would agree with @ShesCurly's text idea - but tomorrow.

As per some of the other posts, it’s only Tuesday. I’d see if you hear by tomorrow and if not, I’d initiate a text

Text him and say you're looking forward to seeing him on Friday if he's still free.

I wouldn't say "if you're still free" - er, HE invited HER on a date, why should she sound like she's dancing around hoping that he might deign to actually take her on one!

I'd be making my own plans for the weekend - he's the one who should be hoping she's still free.

Wait until tonight or tomorrow and ask what plans he has in mind for Friday or suggest your own.

@michaelbaubles

I would just text and ask if hes still up for meeting on Friday, if he says yes suggest a time and place to meet.

No. He invited the OP for lunch on Friday. It's on his court to arrange something. He either does that, and on time, or he doesn't.

What's his normal texting pattern like?

I wouldn't text. We all know what the going quiet thing means don't we? You sent the last text, wait for him to respond. And when I say 'wait' I don't mean sit around mooning

Lweji - exactly! And if he doesn't do that, it's because he's not that bothered. Don't chase a guy who's not into you. If he wants to see you he will find a way to make it happen - it's not that bloody hard to text back with a place and time is it?

I’d just text too,
Hey I’m planning my weekend, are we still on for lunch on Friday?
If you don’t hear back to know your answer.
Life’s too short to play the who’s turn is it to text game.

It's not a game! It's just common sense. He suggested the date, and hasn't followed through. Either he: has forgotten (so OP is pretty forgettable to him, so he's not that into her) or can't be bothered (ditto) or is playing some game of his own (and you're right, nobody has time for that). I suppose there's some small chance that he's suffered some terrible emergency, in which case he can message her to explain!

It is certainly not usual for someone who is interested in further dates to go completely silent. People always bang on about men not liking to text or being glued to their phone but he managed to text before the date didn't he? Knew what was expected and the social norm then?

I don't think I'd even agree to a Friday lunch date now! I'd make my own plans and do something that requires no worry at all.

I think if he was at all shy and didn't go on many dates, I'd text and ask whether he was still up for meeting on Friday. If he was very confident and went on a lot of dates, I'd leave it and see what he did.

He may not want to look pushy!
Just text - we are all grown up and there are no "rules"!

He may not want to look pushy!

He suggests a date. He texts to say he had a nice time. OP agrees.

The utterly normal, not-weird-at-all thing is to follow up to confirm the time and place of the date. Not pushy. Never could be construed as pushy. In any other social or work situation the completely normal course of events. If he doesn't understand that I'd say he isn't really prepared for adult life at all, so not a good choice of person to date...

Yes, I'd expect some sort of confirmation of plans by today the latest.

Or he's not interested.

Or he's one of those people who expects others to be on call. - I wouldn't be interested then.

Personally, when asked for lunch on a date, I'd probably say something along the lines of "let me know by X when and where".