Upset about hormonal contraception and GP

[Aloneonprecipice]

Hi everyone.

First timer here and the reason being that I am really upset. So it's going to be long.

I am 38 and I realized that my entire life has been dictated by hormonal contraception and pregnancies.
I have 4 lovely kids (14 to 5 yrs), my life lines, but in-between their births is a mess of hormones. I have fought tooth and nail with their effects and to live a normal life. They gave me headaches and moods from hell, my skin full of melasma and I always ballooned 10kg+. I tried all of them to no help. And help it all I have mild depresson which kicks in hard with contraception.

My husband don't use condoms to the degree of hating them. Our first was a condom baby.

Now I have been on non-hormonal copper coil for 3+ years. Things were ok. I got anaemic with heavy periods and had headaches. But better than hormones. After 2 years of ok my periods got longer and yet longer. Now they are 12 days long, horrible pmt, extremely bad ovulation pain and constancy period ache all month long, and constant pressure down below and back side.

Hate it all more and more cause GP says it's not copper coil but change to dreaded mirena coil and my life will be flowers and fairies. She basically said that take pain killers for ovulation and iron for anaemia and get on with life. I wrangled out a ultrasound referral from here which is due next week.

I am just so tired of this all and rather scared of my new symptoms.

Thank u all. I just wanted a rant.

I was exactly the same as you, nothing suited me including the copper coil. Which I tried twice.

My husband ended up having a vasectomy.

Don’t let them bully you if you want it out make them take it out. Tell them you are trying for a baby if they are awkward. That’s what I did for an easy life!

Would your husband consider a vasectomy?

Sounds like your DH needs to have the snip, then you can come off contraception.

It's not a requirement for you to be the person dealing with this...

I'm sorry... the choice of contraceptives is really crap.

If I'm honest, I'd be taking a long hard look at my husband now, though. You've done your bit... he can cope with condoms, or he can take over contraception and get a vasectomy, it's his choice, but to expect you to keep coping with all the side effects because he hates condoms? Nah.

In an ideal world, there'd be lots of contraception choices on offer that would suit everyone, but there's not.

Your husband has seen how much you’ve suffered over the years and his hatred of condoms is greater than his concern for you? I wouldn’t be impressed by that. After having my baby I decided I didn’t want to go back on the pill and nothing on Earth world convince me to have a coil so we use condoms and DH is going to get a vasectomy.

My dh had vasectomy for those reasons you have stated.

Your husband needs to get a vasectomy. You've gone through enough, his turn now. Unless you want more children, there is literally no point at all in you continuing to suffer like that..

All of this suffering so your husband can get his end away without a condom. It's horrifying.

You shouldn’t be upset at your GP you should be upset at your husband.

All men hate condoms. ALL of them. But they wear them because condoms are still the most reliable form of contraception with the least amount of side effects.

You need to sit your husband down and give him 3 options.

Condoms
Vasectomy
No more penetrative sex

Your husband has a choice between wearing a condom or a vasectomy.

Why are you more angry with the gp than the husband who refuses to be involved in the very real consequences of his decisions?

I cannot get on with any type of pill etc. I'd have constant bleeding/spotting every day with them. Mood swings, bad skin or weight gain, bloating. It was dreadful. In the end I came off the pill and DH used condoms for 5 years. I don't care if he'd rather not. No woman should have to pump hormones into her body just so sex feels better for a man. My DH didn't care at all. The condoms were never a problem for us.

After a while, I had problems again anyway though, as my natural cycle is irregular, and without hormonal contraception, my periods became heavy and painful. After having children, I decided to get the mirena. I'd been told to get it for years but like you, I was resistant. I bled (mildly) every day for months. I had frequent mid-cycle bleeding up until at least 6 months later, but then it settled.

I've been on mirena for over 3 years now. I have no camps or bloating. I have no mood swings, skin problems or weight gain. I have much lighter periods. They tend to last a few days longer, but I tend to have one or two light periods in a row, where it looks almost like spotting, and then one normal period, minus any camps like I used to get.

Your husband should definitely consider a vasectomy, but if you still have problems when using no hormonal contraception at all, the mirena might be worth a try.

I went private for scans, tests, the works. They just came back with, "nothing wrong, just hormones". It's so frustrating, as it feels like there is nothing to be done and that doctors don't care, but the mirena, whilst not perfect, does help me massively.

YANBU

The lack of options is awful, as is a lot of GPs attitudes to this. I've had awful experiences in terms of hormones with various types of pill, copper coil and the injection. Now have awful adult acne which is hormonal.

I'm 29 with a 6mo so don't want DP to get the snip yet, but feel like NHS was OTT trying to get me onto yet another contraceptive straight away after birth when hormones were already all over the place! Yet when I bring up the issues I've had and explain why I'm reluctant, it's a sort of shrug and get on with it attitude.

Partly because they know there aren't really any other options and partly because so many women put up with it I think.

I feel for you, but sorry I can't offer any useful advice

Just stop, come off any type of hormonal contraception. Your husband may hate condoms, but what you’re going through is far bigger than simply not liking something. It’s his turn to deal with contraception, you’ve done enough.

I've got three kids under five. Prior to that I was on hormonal contraceptives for nearly 20 years.

I've told DH no more. I've done my bit for our family planning and it's over to him. He can choose condoms or a vasectomy. He's getting the snip!

I feel your pain though, there are no really good options for women.

I seriously love you all.

Thank you all for your support. It's really eye opening when u see so many women have problems on contraception.

You are right. I think me and my husband need a good talk. He hates condoms but I m sure he will flip on visectomy idea.
Lol, that will be interesting.

I have scan Monday for my other symptoms. Sudden appearance of awful bloody ovulation and constant period pain and pressure down below like I m 9 month preggers. I am getting a bit nervous about it. Cause it can't be just copper coil suddenly acting up.

U r right. They kept offering me new types of contraception at the hospital when I just gave birth. It makes u feel like u r trapped and that's how it is. No other way.

I think it’s about time your DH took some responsibility about contraception.

Why would he ‘flip’ over a vasectomy? You’ve spent years being pregnant and suffering from hormone changes, tell him it’s about time he did something too. It’s not all on you.

My DH is fine with the vasectomy idea, but fir yours really, it is much less risky than four pregnancies! Given the number of kids you have I would be surprised if he thinks he would want any more down the line, so it seems the best option.

Yes there are potential side effects but these are rare and there were potential problems for you in pregnancy and on contraception, so he's not taking any greater risk than you.

Weirdly after my third baby nobody discussed contraception with me at all. They must have thought I'd never want to have sex again...

Vasectomy or no sex then! Why should you have to suffer?

Why does he hate condoms? If it's too tight/ tears then it means he needs to try a bigger size, if it 'feels like a plastic bag' then he needs a slimmer condom (a shorter one too if he's small in length).
A properly fitted condom should be comfortable, there are plenty out there for him to try.

Mister magpie... Lolz. Thanks I needed that.

Again thank you all, people. U r all wonderful.

My husband had a vasectomy in his mid-20s because I was having such a terrible time with hormonal contraception. It took over a year for the effects to subside and for me to feel ‘normal’ again.

Tell your DH he doesn’t have to have a vasectomy but if he doesn’t, his only other options are condoms or no sex!! Be firm!

I had a terrible time on the pilll, combine and POP. Think constant thrush, crazy mood swings, depression, no sex drive.

Swore I'd never go on hormonal contraception again. Never. Not happening. Ever.

Then peri-menopause kicked in. Random periods, flooding, pain. Lots of pain.

I ended up with the mirena. No problems so far. Touch wood.

Things can change. What didn't suit you in the past might be ok now.

Or get your DH to get a vasectomy. Tell him it's his turn.

I went through all the available pill forms of contraception and they all had side effects that, while not horrendous, made my daily life hard. I was bloated, headachy and often had low moods. On the last one I bled for two weeks at a time.

After my DD I was offered more contraption at my six week check. And told that I should have the injection or a coil as the pill didn't work for me. I might want another baby so the injection is out as it can affect fertility. And I don't want a coil.

I returned home and told my DH that we were using condoms. He didn't even blink. And offered to get a vasectomy once we had finished our family.

If he had had any other response then I seriously think it would have affected how look at him. And sex would have been off the cards permanently.