8 year old asking about sex

[MagicKingdomDizzy]

Last night out of the blue my 8 year old son asked me what sex was. It turned out he heard the word at school. I was surprised and on the spot, so I just sort of fudged a really vague answer about it being something that people do when they love eachother.

I discussed it with my husband when he got home, and he was of the opinion that we should probably have 'The Talk' with him and explain factually what sex is. I'm torn really, as he still seems quite young for this kind of information.

I don't actually remember my parents having that kind of talk with me, I just found out about it through magazines, movies and school sex ed.

Please can I ask how you went about having this conversation with your child and if 8 is too young? Any resources I can look at for guidance?

I’ve always answered questions about the body, periods, sex, swear words etc honestly. Knowledge is power.

My eldest DD asked very specific questions about where babies come from, when she was four. I was pregnant with DC3 at the time. I answered all her questions honestly. There are a good series of books on this subject by Robie Harris, which I read with all my children.

Would you seriously rather he learned online not from you?

8 is not too young. I'd be surprised if he hadn't already heard odd stuff in the playground so you need to tell him the truth.
We were lent a video from the school (that they were going to show the class) so we were able to answer any questions that came up afterwards. I think that was when dd was 7. She already knew bits and pieces of it from random questions she had asked so it wasn't totally new to her but the best policy is knowledge.

Just tell him if he's asking.

I bought my son a book about changing bodies and sex - it covered both girls and boys as I want him to know about and be comfortable with periods and how girls bodies change too. We started reading it together but now it lives in his room and he comes to me with any questions.

If anything, I would say 8 is a bit late - most kids I know have asked about it when they have had younger siblings or spent time around someone pregnant. I don't really understand the argument against telling him - if he's asking then surely you answer?

That sounds like the age my dcs were when they started asking questions. DH and I have always been pretty open with our dcs in an age appropriate way, as I'd much rather they have correct information from us, rather than getting it online or from friends.
I was shocked when my 12 year old DD said that one of her friends very seriously still thinks the stork brings babies!

Mummy Laid an Egg is a funny picture book that covers the basics well.

My kids asked where babies come from at about 4. The stork and the special cuddle didn't cut it. At 8 your DS needs factual age appropriate information- give it to him.

Where I come from (Netherlands) he would have had it taught to him properly, at school. The UK has a lot of catching up to do.

Just go with the biology of it all

Kids normally just accept facts. No need to go into "sexy" details.

I had a chat with my dd at 8 simply as she had heard some bizarre rumours and I thought the truth would be much better for her. We had a look through a couple of books together, it was a very easy conversation. In the year since she has come back to me with a few follow ups but basically once she had the facts she didn't seem that interested any more. I like that she feels able to check the facts with me, there are some weird rumours in school for how things happen!

Thanks for all your replies. I would definitely prefer he hear it from me!

A book is a good idea, will look at some of the recommendations on here.

He's my first child so I've not had to do this before, and my parents didn't have any discussions with me, so I don't have any guidance from that perspective, as they were quite conservative and not really open to talking about these things.

'Sex is how babies are made' give explanation.

At 8 your DS needs factual age appropriate information- give it to him.

That is what she is asking for help with.

Please can I ask how you went about having this conversation with your child and if 8 is too young? Any resources I can look at for guidance?

So .....? What did YOU do?

You could start with sex is how mums and dads make babies and answer any follow up questions as factually as possible.
Your when people love each other is good, although it could be confusing if you didn't specify adult couples.
I don't think you need to have The Talk in the sense of giving more information than he requires.
Try to answer questions as they come along.
How did he respond to your explanation?

Forgot to add.
It may be helpful to have a book that you get out when he asks further questions.
I'd go in a bookshop and choose the one I'd be more comfortable with.

He was OK, but to be honest my explanation was quite rubbish and confused as I was a bit caught off guard!

I really just want to be clear with him, factual, but not TOO factual as in I would prefer not to go into the actual mechanics of it all.

I think the key is to answer questions. You don't need to go into long and involved discussions but I do think it's very important to answer honestly and factually. Sitting them down for "the talk" puts way too much pressure on.

After I'd already answered a few questions about this from DS, I attended a talk at his school where the head highlighted that often parents get stressed but kids actually just want the basic answer. So they ask how babies are made and you're thinking it's this huge thing about love, and sex and relationships but actually, if they're 6 they probably just need to know that mummy has an egg and daddy has something called sperm and he puts it inside mummy and that fertilises the egg. And then over time you get to the more detailed stuff.

This is very much what's happened with DS. I'm not 100% sure where we're up to now as it comes up organically at various times, but I think we've got to the point where he understands that the sperm comes from Daddy's penis and he puts it in mummy in the same place the baby comes out and that for grown ups, it feels nice.

library.nspcc.org.uk/HeritageScripts/Hapi.dll/retrieve2?SetID=D7889474-CB30-45AA-99F0-DB2C944E2DE6&DataSetName=LIVEDATA

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/talking-about-difficult-topics/

Thanks this is all v helpful. Probably something I should have prepared myself for a little while ago!

At least I'll handle it better with my second!

8 is old enough to understand well - I’d just give the facts. Sex - something all animals do to make babies - and so do humans, ladies have eggs in their tummy(or ovary/womb) , man has the seed called the sperm. I started simple with DD who is now 8, (From age 4 or 5 ish).
She has a book about puberty , which we have read some of, she keeps in her room.

To be honest you're going to have to go into the "actual mechanics of it". That's what he's asking.
There's no point fudging around special hugs, loving each other, mummies and daddies showing each other how much they love each other etc - that's confusing enough, especially when they start considering other kids who don't have a parent around or who never knew a parent or with regards to my kids - the first question they followed up with was "Auntie Sue and Uncle Ben don't have kids so they don't have sex?"

Treat it like you're explaining how anything works - a washing machine, a car, the brain - simply and honestly and with a stiff drink afterwards .
I was scundered telling my three (roughly from the age of 7) but it needs to be done, I told them the mechanics of it, had a book to hand that they could flick through and ask any questions and then once every few months I'd ask "are we all ok with any sex questions, anything pop up in conversation lately at school, all good?" And so far it's been easy enough to talk. Mine are now 14, 12 and 8.

If anyone has any books they found helpful please list them here, thanks.