8 year old asking about sex

[MagicKingdomDizzy]

Last night out of the blue my 8 year old son asked me what sex was. It turned out he heard the word at school. I was surprised and on the spot, so I just sort of fudged a really vague answer about it being something that people do when they love eachother.

I discussed it with my husband when he got home, and he was of the opinion that we should probably have 'The Talk' with him and explain factually what sex is. I'm torn really, as he still seems quite young for this kind of information.

I don't actually remember my parents having that kind of talk with me, I just found out about it through magazines, movies and school sex ed.

Please can I ask how you went about having this conversation with your child and if 8 is too young? Any resources I can look at for guidance?

I suggest an usbourne book of the body which explains it. We have a lift the flap version.

Ohhh god, my eldest is 7 and he was asking how do "girls" give birth last night (eek) he knew about "doctors cutting tummy open to get the baby out". I also felt that I had to explain the other way... he was all "Arghhh out of their HOLES?!" I was like Oh DS... don't call it that! I then changed the subject. I just don't think he needs to know about that kind of thing yet. He doesn't know how the baby gets there.

I know sex education isn't until Year 6/7 is it? That's got to be for a reason. He's 4 years off that!

usbourne book of the body

Mine has this actually and I'll be handing him it the next time he starts questioning it.

50implantsandaDyson

Thank you, you're right. And seeing it as explaining about the brain, heart etc is a good idea. The wine is going in the fridge for later

If you want a funny book, look at "Mummy laid an egg". You may look at it and decide it would make a great present for an adult though!

I would prefer not to go into the actual mechanics of it all

Errrr you need to go into the mechanics of it all. That's the point.

My nine and seven year olds have asked and I’ve been honest.

I just told them it’s how babies are made. A man puts his penis in a lady’s vagina and his seeds swim up there. If they meet and egg then a baby is made. I also told them you can just have sex for fun it you want to but it should (In my opinion) be with somebody you trust and are in love with. Obviously they were pretty horrified but there have been many supplementary questions which I’ve answered honestly.

I told them I was trusting them to be very sensible with the information as some parents won’t have told their children yet. Tbh though there had already been some discussion at school, hence their questions.

I don’t find it massively comfortable talking about it but it has to be done and I want them to be able to ask questions.

At least you didn't visit the NHM's human body section with a 4-5 year old and turned a corner to find a huge mural depicting the mechanics of intercourse.
DS didn't even notice it, though.

In other Germany sex education starts in second or third year of school (so age 7 or 8) and although parents are informed it is not optional and every child has to participate in the lesson. Really a child has the right to know this stuff, why wouldn't you just answer any questions he has?

Take the mystery away; it’s just a junior biology lesson. Books are great for this, so choosing one you’re comfortable reading with him is a great idea.

KS2 curriculum includes biology and some reproductive facts. Therefore your child will be receiving some information from teaching staff at some stage. I told my 8 year about the basics of puberty and where babies are coming from about 12 months ago. We watched a tasteful video of a lady giving birth, and talked about body changes. This was triggered by the fact I think she will have an early puberty and didn't want her to worry. Kids are pretty matter of fact about this stuff, and if done in simple terms with a bit of humour then it is good for them to know the truth. They will hear all sorts from kids at school, especially those with older siblings, or exposed to inappropriate stuff at home like mature TV content.

I found 2 books on Amazon very useful, don't know how to do links sorry but they are called "amazing you" and "Let's Talk: About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families & Friends (Lets Talk)". My oldest is also 8 and we read these books recently.

Around that age I found a definition of it in the childrens dictionary at school. Something along the lines of a womans egg being fertilised by a mans seed. I asked my mum and got a bit more detail.

No harm done. Just stick to the basics.

Stop and ask yourself - why is it a big deal if he knows what the mechanics are?
It’s no big deal at all.
Why would you leave a child uninformed, and possibly confused?
Reproduction is interesting. If he asked you why ice melts, you’d be all excited about his curiosity about the world and excited to talk physics. So he excited to talk biology.
There’s no need for hang ups.

I know sex education isn't until Year 6/7 is it? That's got to be for a reason. He's 4 years off that!*

Sex education is normally y5/6 because some parents don't teach their kids but in my experience most know already. Schools don't wait until then because that's the best age to learn.

In your sons case you should have told him the correct name for "the hole" before wrapping up the conversation.

I bought this because I was concerned about dc picking up playground myths about sex.

There's a version for girls too

I know sex education isn't until Year 6/7 is it? That's got to be for a reason.

Year 5 for sex ed! And the reason it's that late is I suspect because a vocal minority of parents object to it being taught any earlier is case it ruins their dc's innocence.

We have the same one as @strawberrylipgloss - we’ve got the boy and girl versions. Both dc became interested in reading them around age nine.

We discussed how babies are made a lot earlier, though - I think probably four or five.

I honestly think you need to get past the reluctance to discuss “the mechanics”. There’s nothing inappropriate about it. A major reason people end up confused and vulnerable to dodgy “information” is that nobody gives them the basics in a clear simple way.

Sorry strawberry I didn’t really mean to fully tag you! (I know some people hate being tagged)

OP thanks for posting this. I've got to have the talk with my 9yr dd soon. Lots of great advice.

Thanks for all the good advice on here!
That book looks good strawberrylipgloss

I don't think I've ever sat my children down and lectured them, we just talk about things as they come up. Watching Bohemian Rhapsody led to quite an in-depth discussion about the mechanics of gay sex and why HIV was so prolific in the gay community in the 80s, why it was called GRID, etc. They just ask stuff and I answer. My son knows all about periods and how they affect my daughter and I, the importance of chocolate, etc. Any future girlfriends will probably thank me.

They're 13 and 9 if that helps.

www.amazon.co.uk/Lets-Talk-About-Where-Babies/dp/1406357863?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

This one was good. DS2 and I looked at it together first but I left it somewhere he could find it so he could read it when he wanted.

I would tell him honestly, answer his questions but don't elaborate on things unless he actually asks. He'll soon be hearing warped versions at school anyway he may as well hear the facts at home first.

I would ask him what he knows / thinks and what question is on his mind . Truthfully answer his questions . You don't need to bombard him with everything from A to Z .
There is a story of a child coming home from school and asking the question of where they come from. The parent sits down and tells them everything from conception to birth . The child listens then tells the parent his friend told them they come from Wales ! 😂 😂