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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should stay?

66 replies

Calic0 · 25/02/2020 06:47

DH and I both work for the same organisation. Both the same grade. Both earn the same. Both have the same flexibilities.

This morning we wake up to a boiler that is dripping water and smelling strongly of burning rubber. Said boiler packed up altogether yesterday but DH fixed it using a video he found on You Tube. This morning suggests there is more of a problem than he initially thought and needs immediate attention.

I am due to attend a training course today, 2 hrs away by train, all travel and training booked. DH is currently coordinating an ongoing recruitment event and is the SPOC for all candidates, interviewers etc. for interviews taking place today.

It’s a crappy day for either of us to have to take off (hence furious pyjama clad row at 6am!) But given that DH has work phone and computer with him, I don’t see any reason why he can’t “co-ordinate” from home (and, indeed, he couldn’t come up with anything he needs to do which requires him to be onsite if asked). However, although there would be a cost involved to missing the training course, I have to admit that while it will be useful, it is not absolutely vital.

So who, in this instance, should stay?

OP posts:
Marriedwithchildren5 · 25/02/2020 07:45

Yeah I doubt it was disrespectful for you. You both have a good work ethic. Dh and I would be arguing who got to stay home!!

Original poster
Calic0 · 25/02/2020 07:47

@Frenchw1fe @Disfordarkchocolate I do not disagree with either of you and that is a conversation to have when everything is sorted out.

Glad to see I’m not the only one who is unsure as to what a recruitment emergency might constitute! But I will say again, I think it is laudable that he takes his responsibilities to the candidates turning up for interview seriously. I just don’t think his physical presence is necessarily vital.

OP posts:
Original poster
Calic0 · 25/02/2020 07:49

@JoshArcherStoleMyTractor no, he is not actually conducting the interviews and I quite agree with you. There would never be any question of cancelling them.

OP posts:
AriadnesFilament · 25/02/2020 07:49

Him.

  1. he bodged a ‘fix’ on a boiler so needs to be on hand to explain what he did so the engineer can roll their eyes at him in person and tell him he’s lucky he didn’t kill you both in your sleep

  2. he has the facilities to do what he needs to do from home; your training course won’t come to you

  3. there is no financial cost to your organisation of him staying home; your company loses money on costs already paid if you don’t go

  4. whilst he is SPOC, I am sure that someone could - if absolutely necessary - be drafted in last minute to cover onsite if he was available on the end of a phone to cover anything that person needed help with; they’re not going to find someone at mega short notice to schlep off on a training course (I’m not getting into the whole SPOC = SPOF thing)

OlaEliza · 25/02/2020 07:49

Turn the boiler off, suffer a bit for one day/night and get someone in tomorrow if it’s a better day?

This

iklboo · 25/02/2020 07:52

Turn the boiler off, suffer a bit for one day/night and get someone in tomorrow if it’s a better day?

Bodge fixed gas boilers can still be dangerous even if switched off. It's a reason they tell you to use properly qualified and registered engineers. There's still potential for leaks etc.

SoupDragon · 25/02/2020 07:53

I can see both sides but I think you were right to go.

CwtchesCuddles · 25/02/2020 07:54

I'm gobsmacked that he was stupid enough to touch the boiler in the first place!!! He should definitely stay home to sort it out.

Frouby · 25/02/2020 07:59

Well if someone is there now he can hopefully either fix or make it safe then he can go in and tend to any recruitment emergencies on site can't he?

Original poster
Calic0 · 25/02/2020 08:00

Update: first guy couldn’t fix the issue but has got everything turned off and no longer leaking so it is safe for DH to leave the house. A boiler “specialist” arranged for tomorrow and DH is heading in to work. Now we need to start negotiations as to who stays off tomorrow! (I suspect it will be seen as my “turn”...)

Thanks for everyone’s comments and will definitely be saying to DH that in future we do not play with boilers.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 25/02/2020 08:01

It's not your turn. Why did he book a visit for a day you are away?

TheTeenageYears · 25/02/2020 08:05

He should stay because unless he is a registered gas safe/corgi engineer he’s broken the law in tampering with the boiler so should have to deal with any fall out required.

Coolcucumber2020 · 25/02/2020 08:09

I couldn’t get past
DH fixed the boiler on YouTube.

What?!

They are highly dangerous gas appliances!

Summerhillsquare · 25/02/2020 08:12

Don't buckle now OP - speaking from experience you risk setting a precedent.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 25/02/2020 08:15

Well I would say he stays because, let's face it, there a good chance he made the problem worse by footering with it.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/02/2020 08:16

Who is usually expected to stay home in emergencies? Is there a pattern here?

Original poster
Calic0 · 25/02/2020 08:17

@Coolcucumber2020 I am not going to pretend I know what I am talking about. But apparently it was clear from the dashboard what the problem was (lack of pressure) and apparently the fix to that is simple. Not going to argue, particularly given what we woke up to, that we were both foolish in the extreme.

@Summerhillsquare see, we are now discussing over text how we can “tag team” tomorrow and arrange for one or other of us to be home at different times to accommodate our different commitments. This is why I was so surprised at his attitude this morning because usually I think we work pretty well as a partnership whereas earlier...I just got a whiff of Alpha Male and didn’t like it. Hence asking the question on here as to who should stay in the circumstances.

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 25/02/2020 08:19

Why shouldn't it be your turn to stay tomorrow though? Are you still on your training course? If not, I'd say it is your turn seeing as he did it today.

frazzledasarock · 25/02/2020 08:20

Is it possible he felt embarrassed about having made the boiler worse and didn’t want to tell a professional he had been tinkering with it? Therefore his desperation to attend theoretical recruiting emergencies instead?

In our house DP would be dealing with this, his mess, so he’d be on hand to explain what he did.

Otherwise it would be whoever was able to work from home that day.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 25/02/2020 08:22

Re: fixing the boiler - There's nothing wrong with this providing he didn't overstep what a diyer should be doing. Knowing how to thaw out a frozen condensation pipe (for example) is a simple diy fix that would save a lot of people call-out fees in winter if they knew what to do.

Opening up the boiler and tinkering inside.... not so much.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 25/02/2020 08:22

You didn't say if your course was a one or two day course? There will obviously be additional costs to your company if you have to repeat the course because he thinks it's 'your turn' to stay home. That isn't even a reason then.
If you're on a one day course, then perhaps it would be your 'turn' to stay home but I would make it VERY clear to the DH in this case that
1 - unless he is a fully qualified trained gas engineer, he is NEVER EVER to attempt to fix the boiler again. Carbon Monoxide is a killer and you can't see it, smell it or taste it so to our senses, it isn't there that's why its called the silent killer. He could have killed you both. That is not overstating it. It's just stating it.
2 - 'Discussions' of this ilk don't happen again. You should not be made to feel guilty about going to work or on to a training course. Based on the type of work you each do, one is clearly more flexible than the other in adapting to these types of emergencies and it should be discussed rationally and if he comes up with some "HR Recruitment Emergency" do come back here and let us know what that might look like in his head

SoupDragon · 25/02/2020 08:23

They are highly dangerous gas appliances!

To be fair, there are things you can do without messing with anything to do with the gas or the electricity.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 25/02/2020 08:27

Kind of depends what he did to fix the boiler doesn't it? To the pp who said he must agree to never tinker with it again, that's a bit silly. Our pilot goes out on occasion - we relight it. I've known people whose boilers lose pressure and there's something that they have been told to do to correct it. Some things clearly can be done by diyers. Would you really be happy spending hundreds of pounds in call out charges plus labour just for the engineer to.push a button?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 25/02/2020 08:28

apparently it was clear from the dashboard what the problem was (lack of pressure) and apparently the fix to that is simple

Repressurising a boiler using the filling loop is something people can do for themselves perfectly safely. You normally need to do it after bleeding radiators, and it's a basic diy task. When my boiler was fitter, the fitter showed me how to do it when needed.

Again, if he actually opened up the boiler and tinkered inside he's an idiot, but some of the reactions on here are ridiculous. Do you really call people out every time a basic diy job comes up?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 25/02/2020 08:29

when my boiler was fitted^