Was this a total overreaction?

[Sundancer77]

This morning we were at the beach with our Dd, 19 months. Dp was in the sea and dd was sat with me on the sand. Gorgeous day, people walking by with dogs etc and saying hello. A couple of ladies walk past and stop to chat to Dd, it happens a lot as she’s obviously little and most people generally like babies/toddlers. She then puts her hand out and tells her to ‘Come on’ and to walk down to the sea with her. My natural reaction was to quickly say no and grab her, is that normal? The lady then started saying it’s ok she wasn’t going to steal her etc and they laughed..I then felt like a bit of a dick.
To put in into context a bit more, we live in another country and being British, I’ve noticed I’m not as easygoing in this respect. I just felt a bit like a miserable, uptight, mistrusting person afterwards..but still wouldn’t have let her go! Aibu?

If you wanted your child at the sea you’d take your child to the see. Nutters.

Sea! Ffs

I understand why you wouldn’t want your child going with a stranger like that, I wouldn’t either BUT it’s not unusual in some countries for people to interact with babies and children more than use Brits consider normal
We spend a lot of time in Spain and we rarely got through a meal without one of the dc being taken off by a waitress when they were little, especially blonde dd.
We were always vigilant but it was perfectly normal for them to be taken to choose an ice cream or something

You are a victim of British tight mentality of mistrust. People wish well to your child, people can hug children for an innocent reason, people can play with your children. You are overreacting, but so are many people in the UK

What a crock of shit 😂

Who is a stranger to decide if a child unknown to them should be in a certain place or doing a certain thing.
I'm sure mum is capable of working out if their child fancies a paddle.

Sorry not Sophie Hook, but Maddie. Sophie was in our town. Sophie was at the paddling pool that day I went, people handed over their cinefilms, photos, the pool was surrounded by peados the police said when they checked the films.

What pool @justasking111

Very used to lots of interaction with our child where we are and it’s nice, only today a lady with a dog chatting to us and talking to Dd and touching her hand/cheek-all fine.
This just felt a little different 🤷‍♀️ She almost bulldozed in, rarely acknowledged me and stuck her hand out to Dd and said ‘Let’s go to the sea’ I just found it odd, inappropriate and basically crossing a boundary. I wouldn’t say I was sharp with her, but I reacted very quickly and quite firmly, instinct told me to.

Craig y Don pool. We all went there that summer it was so hot. Last year a mum spotted a man in a car parked there. The next day he was there again for four hours. She tackled him about it and he drove off but not before she got registration and reported to police.

Keep your eyes peeled.

I think it's important for your daughter to learn not to wander off with strangers - their feelings are secondary to her safety.

Not the same, probably, but there were 2 reports in the town where I live over the summer of a woman trying to take girls away - she literally wrenched the daughter out of one woman's arms - a complete stranger. Some people said she was pissed, others said she had sort of mental illness. No one had a go at the mothers for being uptight though!

Cultural and since most people who are likely to read this forum are British you are getting culturally biased replies. If you didn’t feel comfortable of course you were right to refuse, but you can’t also be surprised that the women found you odd. In Mediterranean cultures it is much more common for strangers to talk to and play with children. I’ve had waitresses take baby DS so I could eat and walk off in another room to show him off to everyone, an elderly man we pass on a weekly basis stops us to talk to us and holds DS’s hand, etc.

Totally agree with Booboostwo.

In other counties children are entitled to friendly interactions of their own with other people, not be vewed as some boring extensions of their mothers, like people do in the UK. I am shocked by reactions on this thread - how really tight, how mistrusting. British " have" everything, they "possess" everything . They "have" teeth, they "have" children, the verb "have" is the main one in the language and does reflect mentality. Other nations do not "have " their children, they raise them, and the child, however small, belongs to the world and can have fun and warmth from a stranger. British women even get scared when someone just looks at their toddler with a smile! Such mentality is very noticeable to anyone who is familiar with other cultures, and it comes across as very unpleasant, actually, and the kids lose out.

To the OP- I would say - just relax and open up to kindness of other people, and think - would you yourself mind to offer some warmth to someone else's child? You wouldn't! Would you steal their child? No way! So wouldn't other people ! They are no lower in their moral than you consider yourself to be - they are normal friendly people. Criminals are very rare.

YADNBU

Danai, that's a frankly ridiculous point you make about the verb "to have". European languages use it much more. French - j'ai faim, j'ai peur for English "I am hungry", "I am scared". Spanish "tengo" etc. If your going to criticise a nation for the psychology of our grammar, at least get your facts straight.

@Bezalelle exactly what I was going to say. @danaiztaygana that's a very strange thing to say. Romance languages use 'to have' so much more than English.

I have no problem with strangers warmly talking to ny children. But not taking them away or even suggesting taking them away from me. I have fairly high trust levels but my daughters are much too precious to me to risk being out of my sight with strangers.

At the end of the day, each parent will do as they like. Ladies, nobody needs your children, seriously. Nobody wants to take them. This is the only county in the world where children have to queue at A&E behind adults, where a child can be pushed out of a carriage in London underground, where there is no rule to give up seats for children on trains, where people put their kids to bed at 6 pm to have some life, where restauraunts do not accept kids under 14, as if they are second rate citizens, where kids are often arrogant and full of self-entitlement... Where teachers are not allowed to touch a child to teach him/her...

Howdidido, "have you done", "have you got" is English grammar, as far as I remember. What exactly other language has "have" at the heart if its grammar? However, this is irrelevant for the OP, I would like to just reassure the OP that she can relax and have no worry.

I live abroad and my babies have been carried off into many a restaurant kitchen or behind a shop counter. I definitely judge each situation on its own merits and have also said no many times, especially if it's dangerous, out of sight or clear the child doesn't want to!

I think your reaction was totally fair as a Brit, you're allowed to have your own cultural norms and expectations just as they are.

For me, I am now used to it and used to carefully considering my response but if you aren't used to it then it catches you off guard.

An older lady once started talking to me and my ds2 at a playground when he was about 5. After a few minutes she suddenly attempted to pick him up (he's small for his age and probably looked a year or two younger to her). You bet I shouted no and told her to put him down. I don't live in the UK either and, while people are a bit more lax on this sort of thing here, I don't know any parent who would be OK with this.

FTR - in the restaurant kitchen-type situation, that would be a situation where you were already in conversation/interaction and if I had been asked first, that would be entirely OK. But suddenly being approached by someone literally just walking by and then an initiation of the child being taken away somewhere which bypasses the parent - absolutely not on.

If course you wouldn’t let your child be taken away by any one else. Even if this incident was innocent it’s a not a good idea to let your child think this is appropriate.
And while we’re on the subject, why is it ok for strangers to touch kids any way.

the most important point above is that the main reason that this woman was wrong and yanbu is that your child needs to know that it is never ok to go off with a stranger, ever.

same deal for why it is wrong for kind well meaning people to give sweets to children they don't know. just because this individual is harmless does not mean that the stranger will be harmless the next time the child is in this situation.

little kids don't have the judgement to cope with the nuance between kind harmless stranger and creepy dangerous stranger.

'it is never ok to go off with a stranger, ever. '

Or, indeed, with anyone, whether you know them or not, if you haven't checked with a parent first. Even if the person claims to have checked with your parent.

It sounds like your reaction was prompted by that specific woman and the way she treated you. I would trust your instincts unless you have a pattern of them being badly calibrated previously. I bet those women didn’t give it a second thought once they’d moved on, so don’t overanalyse it now. You could use this experience as a nudge to start noticing whether your instincts are on high alert all the time, which isn’t healthy, or whether this was a one off and you’d picked up on something subconsciously that made you react so strongly in this circumstance.