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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a total overreaction?

84 replies

Sundancer77 · 24/02/2020 22:08

This morning we were at the beach with our Dd, 19 months. Dp was in the sea and dd was sat with me on the sand. Gorgeous day, people walking by with dogs etc and saying hello. A couple of ladies walk past and stop to chat to Dd, it happens a lot as she’s obviously little and most people generally like babies/toddlers. She then puts her hand out and tells her to ‘Come on’ and to walk down to the sea with her. My natural reaction was to quickly say no and grab her, is that normal? The lady then started saying it’s ok she wasn’t going to steal her etc and they laughed..I then felt like a bit of a dick.
To put in into context a bit more, we live in another country and being British, I’ve noticed I’m not as easygoing in this respect. I just felt a bit like a miserable, uptight, mistrusting person afterwards..but still wouldn’t have let her go! Aibu?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 24/02/2020 23:04

You are a victim of British tight mentality of mistrust. People wish well to your child, people can hug children for an innocent reason, people can play with your children. You are overreacting, but so are many people in the UK.

So you think the OP should just let strangers take her child away from her? I cannot imagine that anyone would agree! That’s seriously stupid.

My wee cousin was constantly touched because of his white hair whilst on holiday in Greece. His mum didn’t mind, but there’s no way she’d let strangers take him away from her.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 24/02/2020 23:06

I did actually feel like that in a way, Danaiztaygana, hence the post, it still isn’t something my gut would allow me to do. But their response made me feel pretty sad if it was totally innocent, which is most likely was.

OP posts:
moreginrequired · 24/02/2020 23:06

having been in a few other foreign countries in africa and europe, I do think the village mentality is something that we miss out on in the UK and it makes me a little sad in a way...

i am sure they meant no harm, sometimes people think they are being kind and letting you have a minute to yourself but i understand it could be off putting.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2020 23:08

I can't imagine someone thinking that it's fine to tell a stranger's child to 'come with me', even if it's only 20 feet away. I won't touch another person's child, I think it's rude. I wouldn't walk up to you and stroke your hair, pinch your cheeks or give you a squeeze so why would I think it's OK to do it to your child? I also won't offer a child anything. If I have something and the child is looking longingly, I'll offer it to the parent to give to the child.

Excited101 · 24/02/2020 23:24

I think you overreacted a bit and were rude, why wouldn’t you just say ‘shall we go together?’ Then you could have just had a nice chat with the ladies.

Bowerbird5 · 24/02/2020 23:29

Probably because OP was taken aback suddenly.

OP YANBU

Would you let someone take your handbag? No.
Your child is much more valuable than that. Priceless!

Hopefully it might make them think in hindsight.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 24/02/2020 23:31

YANBU

My youngest was very fair and blonde and we were travelling in India when he was 8 weeks old. The airport check in lady gestured for me to pass him to her, I though she was checking that I hadn't smuggled anything in his blankets etc but she called a colleague who then took photos of her with him, he then got passed all around for photo's with a frustrated queue behind us. he got passed quite far away and I was irrationally a bit panic - it took quite a while to get him back!

CSIblonde · 24/02/2020 23:33

The woman had a lack of boundaries. You don't assume the child of a stranger will be yours to do as you like with, etc even if you have good intentions. I'd just smile, hold her out of reach & say she's not good with strangers. It's fine to smile & say with babies & toddlers aren't they gorgeous etc but that's all.

Bluewater1 · 24/02/2020 23:36

I think that's a very weird thing for that lady to do. Really odd. YANBU

MashedSpud · 24/02/2020 23:38

Yanbu.

No bloody way would I have let her go and the woman is a headcase for trying to take her.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 24/02/2020 23:55

No chance.
I don't care if that makes me an "uptight Brit."
They more than likely mean well, but why would you take that risk?
Also great message to your child, letting them wander off with strangers! (Not)

saraclara · 24/02/2020 23:58

It was fine not to want them to take her. But it sounds as though you were unnecessarily sharp with them.

GabsAlot · 24/02/2020 23:58

just a weird thing to do whereever you are you dont know them from adam why would they think its ok

PixieDustt · 25/02/2020 00:00

Come on OP you think YABU for not letting a stranger walk/run off with your child?
Of course YANBU. I'd kill kick a bitch who tried to entice my DS away from me.
In my area (UK) the SAME woman has tried to take several kids in shopping centres etc she doesn't give a shit about cameras she's also with a man but the police haven't done anything about it YET Hmm.

saraclara · 25/02/2020 00:00

I wish people wouldn't start calling these women headcases and such. OP has made it clear that this is a different culture where people are more attentive and relaxed in their interaction with children.

supersop60 · 25/02/2020 00:00

So she didn't even ask "would it be ok if.....?"
Weird and rude, and no, your DD shouldn't think it's ok to go off with a stranger.

SnoozyLou · 25/02/2020 00:02

It probably was innocent but YANBU. And I'd imagine a pretty high proportion of locals would act in the same way - I don't think it's necessarily a British thing. More protective instinct.

saraclara · 25/02/2020 00:02

I'd kill kick a bitch who tried to entice my DS away from me.

Jesus. These women offered a walk with the kid IN FRONT OF ITS MUM. That's hardly enticing them away.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 25/02/2020 00:02

But it sounds as though you were unnecessarily sharp with them

Maybe it just came out sharp? We don't know how we'd react in that situation - I'm the least confrontational person ever but I can see myself arm grabbing and bluntly saying "no" out of not knowing what to say and sheer put on the spot/taken aback!

Grandmi · 25/02/2020 00:05

I think it’s really sad that so many parents are so suspicious of good intentions....am thinking that you overreacted!! I really think that parents need to be more realistic about people generally !!!

SnoozyLou · 25/02/2020 00:05

But it sounds as though you were unnecessarily sharp with them

Oh well, never mind. Probably don't go up to strangers trying to lead their children away is the moral of that story.

I remember taking our son out as a baby and a woman in the shop kept touching him. It made me so uncomfortable. But to try to lead them anywhere - I'm not sure that goes down well in any language.

NotTerfNorCis · 25/02/2020 00:08

What she did was rude. You don't just grab a stranger's toddler and walk off with it.

choli · 25/02/2020 11:02

Yes, you overreacted.

justasking111 · 25/02/2020 13:31

Was in Portugal in same resort just before Sophie Hook went missing. Then drip by drip we discovered the peado rings that trawl Europe resorts looking for likely kids. I know they are here where I live, a map the police released once showed me that. We have more under North Wales Police than in Manchester. So yes they can all sod off. It is not just men you know.

Nowayorhighway · 25/02/2020 13:35

YANBU at all, weird behaviour from them.

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