I am resentful in helping my husband’s scouts activities

[Confuse2012]

My husband is a group scouts leader and he looks after the beavers, cubs and scouts. He is super dedicated and passionate about it and the children enjoy it too. However, I have never been passionate about it all, I help him with the admins, cooking for camps, help out with the occasion events but I have told him I do it because of my love for him and the children, nothing else. He just asked me to help out with a latest event (sleepover) because they are a leader short. He said the reason is because I forgot to give him a one of the child’s form before they organised the leaders. I said no as l really do not enjoy doing the sleepover and we had a row ( not the first time about the scout stuff) I said why is it ok that none of the other leaders partners help out and they are all fine with it but he makes me feel like a utter scum for not helping him! He’s really pissed off with me but I feel that I need to stand up to myself and not feel guilty by not help him? Am I being unreasonable though?

So you have happy helped out doing the admin and now that you won't also happily do other stuff for him he is insulting you! No, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Tell him he can get to fuck if he ever asks you to do anything scout related again. He has a really shitty attitude. Would he speak to the many parents who don't help at all like that? I doubt it.

Sounds like a result to me, op. Sometimes it takes a proper row to actually get out the truth of what you think, so maybe you two needed this.

sign up for that Speaking to Badgers in Japanese course I've been thinking about doing. And you know Janice asked me to join her bee-keeping book club, I think I'll do that too. Thanks babe. So glad to drop that admin. Right, I'm going to have a glass of wine while I choose an electric ukelele online."

Love this torktorkbam!

Well that’s gratitude for you. Don’t entertain him backtracking. Enjoy YOUR life. And working, house, kids is plenty.

Do you have the relevant DBS check etc to help him. Personally I wouldn't assist!

I'm sorry to hear that this has caused an argument OP. As a lowly Section Assistant (beavers) of 18 years I can fully appreciate the work that the GSL and all leaders do. Your husband really does need to get more adults on board though. We've found that DBS checks are going through really quickly nowadays so an appeal to parents might be an idea even if it's coming up quite soon. Although sleepovers & camps may be yours (and many others!) worst nightmares they can be a fun introduction to scouting and may even bring in some new Occasional Helpers or Section Assistants. Our group is very large and has plenty of leaders - 6 adult leaders & 3 young leaders in our colony alone but we often bring in new parents when needed for trips etc and many have gone on to help in cubs & scouts.

Sounds like you go above and beyond already

^ this

I reckon you will be "unsacked" pretty soon😂

Hopefully he will realise he's been a dick quickly.

Take a massive step back and totally disengage so he knows your not in to it. If your always helping out - he will always continue to expect you to

@TorkTorkBam pmsl! 🤣🦡🪕

Never, never in a million years! And you don't need a hobby, unless you choose to. If you were lying on the sofa with a bottle of gin and the TV control, or a mug of tea and the crossword, it would still be your prerogative to be 'too busy.'

I kind of get his point of few. It can be very hard to get volunteers and if you have helped before it,s not too nreasonable to think you will again especially if you are the admin. But YANBU to say no. Carry on the admin for now as this will just cause unesccery anger between you. But perhaps say at next AGM you will step down ?.

No. I completely disagree that you have to get "hobbies" to resolve this. You don't need any more of a reason nor an excuse other than you don't want to.

If you want to sit on MN all night while he's away that's your prerogative.

I want to learn to talk to badgers in Japanese immediately!

So your admin skills were good enough when you were doing as you were told?

I’d be delighted to have been fired from that. When he comes crawling back to get you to do the admin I’d tell him that you wouldn’t want to inflict your sub par admin skills on him again. Best he does it himself or finds someone who is up to the task as you’re clearly falling short of the mark.

As others have said, have you had DBS checks done also? If not, I don't think the parents would be keep for a sleepover with someone without checks!
Our of interested, if you have kids and are running the household, what do you do with your kids when you are doing all these scouting things?

I do brownies and occasionally get DH to help out (he's better at stuff like lighting fires). He does so as a favour for me and it's never expected and doesn't eat significantly into his free time. That's what you do as a married couple - help each other out. What your DH is asking sounds like it's a significant amount of time and inconvenience and has gone from being a favour to something expected of you. He's very unreasonable.

Evening everyone, some of you have asked if I have had DBS checked and yes I have. I also have completed the GDPR courses and training on using OSM and compass so I am one of the few helpers that can do the admin stuff such as sending out emails, database etc. I work three days a week and drive the children to their activities three days a week and in my spare time, I cook and clean! He slept in the spare room last night and we had a huge row this morning which escalated to him saying me being a bitch all the time and l said he doesn’t treat me well etc😔 who knows, maybe the reason he’s so passionate and spend so much doing the scout thing is because he doesn’t want to be around me! Anyway, that’s another topic!!

YANBU at all. I do Rainbows and Guides, I also used to do Beavers, Cubs and Scouts, in the 12 years DH and I have been together the only help he has given is occasionally picking stuff up while doing the shopping and looking after the DC while I'm on camp. Most leaders I know don't expect their partners to get involved.

Could he ask a leader from a different section in his group? Or does your DH's district/county have a leaders facebook group? When units in my county are stuck for help at an event they usually borrow leaders from another unit.

So, a huge sulk and loads of verbal abuse because you haven't jumped when he asked you to?

Gosh, he's quite the bastard when he doesn't get his own way, isn't he?

His reaction is so concerning. I am starting to wonder if he likes the power of being a leader. I am so sorry he is treating you this way. Are you feeling strong and able to not apologise?

Oh gosh, sorry it's blown up further. I was going to make a jokey comment about enjoy your redundancy.

I hope you can manage to have a calm chat about it some time soon .

I'm a scout leader and my husband does nothing with scouts, he may go pick the kids up from camp etc but he hasn't helped out since we first started dating.
Out of all the leaders in our group non of the spouses are involved.

Ah, right, he's a dickhead.

Too stressed/depressed to do the cooking and cleaning. Keeps you busy doing his hobby so you have no life.

Do you always have to be careful of his mood?