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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive dad in car park

73 replies

Basilandparsleyandmint · 24/02/2020 16:52

I don’t think I am but let me know what I should have done ....
Met my DS 13 in a local swimming pool car park earlier to take him home after school. Parked up and stood outside car so he could see me. He was walking towards me past a parked car and an empty space. A car shot into the empty space just as he was about to step past it but thankfully my DS caught it out of the corner of his eye and stopped in time.
The car driver was going around a corner quite fast as shot into the Space and my DS thankfully caught him coming and hopped back quickly.I held my breath as the driver shot into the space. My DS wasn’t hurt.
As I walked towards my DS the male driver got out and I said to him in a calm and controlled voice that he ought to be more careful as he was going too fast in car park and that had he realised my son was there. I honestly spoke calmly and in no way aggressively.
The abuse I got back was beyond disgusting he told me to F off / c..t / all manner of aggressive statements - all in front of his wife and two primary aged children. I continued into the swimming reception to pay for some lessons where he kept turning back for more abuse and accused me of staring at him - it was really upsetting.
I just keep thinking if he is like this in public what must he be like at home.

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 24/02/2020 17:51

Nothing actually happened that the police can act on - praise your son for being aware of surroundings and quick reaction - tell him the man is an arse and forget it.

PumpkinP · 24/02/2020 17:54

The police are not gonna do anything about a man shouting at you in the car park. It was horrible but just forget about it

EverythingChanges321 · 24/02/2020 17:54

His poor wife and children. I hope she gets the courage to leave him.

After being hit by a car being driven too fast, I found the police were incredibly helpful and the driver is being prosecuted for careless driving. So on that basis, I think you should report him because a shouty twat like that is probably already on their radar anyway.

Tara336 · 24/02/2020 17:55

Some men are awful bullies, I was abused in a car park last month by a man as I was waiting by our car, I had done nothing at all but he had got in a mood because a woman was taking ages to reverse into a space which meant we couldn’t move or park our car. He started sounding his horn and shouting, DP parked up I jumped out and I was waiting for him to come back with the ticket and guy just started abusing me for no reason! When I said why on Earth are you shouting at me? His male passenger started on me as well! When I said my partner will be back in a second maybe you’d like to shout at him? Bully man drove off sharpish! They are cowards!! Report him and I hope your ok

Unsureconfused46 · 24/02/2020 18:02

Feel bad for his wife and kids and also for you OP and your son. Vile man clearly has issues that's for sure!!!

UYScuti · 24/02/2020 18:12

he will feel deeply humiliated at being called to account by a subordinate (ie you, a woman) in front of other subordinates (his wife and children)
the other subordinates will no doubt be punished when they get home, the 'wound' created by this humiliation will require that he punishes them to even the score and make him feel better, these are the machinations of the bestial mind:(

Cheeryandmerry · 24/02/2020 18:12

I’ve been there. I didn’t even say anything but was told I was “looking at him in a hostile way” (suspect it was more fear and panic as I pulled my child out of the path of the car speeding towards me). Apparently that justifies foul abusive language Sad?

Sadly there are just people like that out there. This guy’s wife was close to tears begging him to stop and saying sorry to me. Poor woman.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 24/02/2020 18:15

I think you should report him because a shouty twat like that is probably already on their radar anyway.

Nice waste of police time!

chocolateisavegetable · 24/02/2020 18:28

Do you know what school the children are at (e.g. were they wearing uniform?). If so, I would report it to their school as a safeguarding issue. I think others are right that the police won't do anything, but social services ought to know what kind of Dad these poor kids have.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 24/02/2020 18:29

I agree it’s a total waste of police time for this incident as my DS wasn’t hurt and I just took a mouthful of abuse but again wasn’t physically hurt and can away.
Thank you all 🙂

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 24/02/2020 18:32

Report it to the school? Mn is nuts sometimes Confused

Bluetrews25 · 24/02/2020 18:33

It was a near miss.
Can the police actually DO anything?
I'm much more worried about him taking it out on the wife and DCs, which is a real possibility.
Drivers like that will never say that they were wrong and apologise.
At best, you wasted your breath. At worst, that poor woman will get yelled at or worse tonight.

PumpkinP · 24/02/2020 18:33

SS would not do anything about this btw! Crazy suggestion. A dad shouted at a random woman in a car park, call SS Hmm

DadDadDad · 24/02/2020 18:33

Reminds me of the time a neighbour was reversing off their drive and nearly hit my niece - they were cross with us for banging on their car.

Not everyone seems to get that in a car park the default should be driving very slowly and giving the car in front lots of space - it doesn't seem to occur to some people that I might want to reverse into a space so having you up my bumper is not really helping!

BagelandEggs · 24/02/2020 18:35

I would still report it. I called the police about a bloke driving incredibly dangerously overtaking people at high speed and they called back and said he'd just done a burglary so it was helpful for them to be able to place him at that time. These things all add up to a bigger picture which may help protect his wife and kids if nothing else. Sorry this happened to you and hope you're both ok.

Thefaceofboe · 24/02/2020 18:38

Ahhh sorry OP I was just reading and accidentally clicked YABU but YANBU!! sounds a complete arsehole

CallmeAngelina · 24/02/2020 18:40

Were his children in school uniform, by any chance?

We got wind of the father of one of our pupils having kicked off big-time in a local supermarket and it helped to build a picture of what the children were possibly facing at home (other things in the picture also causing concern).

chocolateisavegetable · 24/02/2020 18:48

PumpkinP I guarantee you haven't had as much safeguarding training as I have. SS wouldn't do anything about the specific incident, but it could be very useful if they are already building a picture of what is going on in those children's lives.

atomicblonde30 · 24/02/2020 18:51

Disagree with PP saying not to report, I reported a man who was aggressively screaming in his female wife/friends face and wouldn’t let her get in the car calling her all the names under the son. This went down outside my DD nursery I took the reg and they told me went round for a word with him and welfare check on the woman presumably the children that were in the back of the car. I don’t know the outcome as I didn’t ask but they took action. I reported online and got a crime ref number so didn’t drag police officers out for a statement.

Enchiladas · 24/02/2020 18:51

Yuck what an oaf

PumpkinP · 24/02/2020 18:52

The op doesn’t know the guys name, the children’s names, so she’s going to call the school and describe them? How will they school know for sure who she is talking about? Suggesting calling the school because he shouted at her is just bonkers tbh. And I know for a fact SS would not be interested in a referral of a man shouting at a stranger. Like they don’t have better things to investigate, they are already stretched as it. He could have had an extremely stressful day and it was totally out of character. My defending him, it was horrible as I said but ss is a complete over reaction.

PumpkinP · 24/02/2020 18:53

Not defending* not my

Nofunkingworriesmate · 24/02/2020 18:53

The police can do nothing as he hasn’t really committed a crime and they don’t have resources for trivial matters but I would give his reg number and a description of your concerns to all the local primary schools with a picture if you can get one and social services ( they don’t have resources fir this either) but at least you’ve done something, that poor woman and kids

atomicblonde30 · 24/02/2020 18:56

I’m a SW @Pumpkinp whilst you’re correct in thinking we probably wouldn’t and couldn’t do much it’s possible there may be other concerns already on record about him and his family. This would aid in robust evidence collection and maybe the thing SS in his trust would need to become more involved shall we say.

Of course they may not be on our radar at all and it could be nothing and completely not normal for him to which you’re correct nothing would or could be done.

skodadoda · 24/02/2020 18:56

‘Section 5 makes it an offence to use “threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour” or to display “any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting” within the hearing or sight of a person “likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress ... police can do something about such behaviour.

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