To feel weird about FIL and lip kissing

[werehavingafarmdance]

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable and appreciate it's very hypocritical of me, but I can't explain why it bothers me so much and would love some opinions on the matter.

FIL always kisses dc on the lips when saying hello/goodbye. Big, sloppy lip kisses. DH and I often kiss dc on the lips, not every time but often.

I don't think it's because it's him rather than my own Dad or Mum. If they did I'd feel the same and would ask them kindly not to. My parents are cheek kissers.

FIL recently took huge offence when I removed a full wine glass he was letting our 1 year old dc2 play with and bite the edge of the glass. I received a real telling off from PIL about how he would never let him drink it and was only playing but I was ignored when I asked him not to in case the thin glass broke in his mouth.

AIBU to feel this way? Always feel the need to wipe their faces afterwards

Meant to add the part about taking huge offence with the wine glass makes me very apprehensive about asking him to stick to kissing cheeks in future.

I think it's quite telling that your family are cheek kissers. How old are your dc? Do they have a problem with it?

I'm more of a cheek kisser but don't have an issue with lips and think it's quite sweet.

I wouldn't like it. I don't like anyone other than DH kissing baby tbh because of all the germs.

YANBU to me that just feels yuck. My (young) dc's often want to give me and dh kisses on the lips and we don't refuse but our go to is kissing them on the cheek/forehead. I think I would feel pretty uncomfortable with anyone else kissing them on the lips even a grandparent or close relative, it's just a bit yucky (especially sloppy kisses) and crosses a line IMO.

Also ywnbu about the wine glass either. Dangerous for a 1yo to be playing with any sort of glass especially biting it and no need for a baby to be anywhere near a glass of wine.

Lip kissing is weird with children, full stop. I realise many think otherwise, but you'll never convince me it's not. It's too intimate and associated with romance.

Dcs are 1 & 3 and aren't bothered by it. Just me at the moment!

This is a big boundary in need of drawing firmly. Just say no to it, and explain that you are not comfortable with it, and it is not something you want to encourage in the family. I hope he respects your wishes in fugture, but if not he will have to have more arms-length contact with your dc.

The wine glass thing actually did happen to my cousin aged 6 .... astonishingly she wasn’t cut anywhere! So yes, glass is a big issue.

The lip kissing ... nothing wrong in that. It’s just kissing for goodness sake.

I would have an issue with that too.

Two separate issues.

I can’t understand people who kisss their children or grandchildren on the lips, for me it’s too intimate and more romantic, I have kissed and still do kiss my daughter a huge amount, she’s 22 now, but lip kissing makes me feel weird, especially because those who do it, stop doing it when their kids grow up, like they know somewhere deep down it’s not right and when the kids have a say they’d say no.

It’s fine to be bothered by it, I would be too. Up to you if you say something, but please be aware there will come a time where your own kids will feel the same about you kissing their lips.

Ew I would be horrified if my FIL tried to kiss me on the lips. Ot my own father for that matter. Gross.

Also what kind of person allows a baby to bite on a glass? Idiot.

*Or

yeah I wouldn't like this either, lips feels a bit personal!?

there will come a time where your own kids will feel the same about you kissing their lips.

I was wondering about this too Bluntness. I don't personally feel it's weird or in any way shape or form romantic, but I wonder if I should stick to cheek and face kissing from now on in fear of embarrassing them or confusing them.

Thinking about it the message I'm giving them is confusing...

We can kiss mummy and daddy on the lips but no one else.

Yuk re the kissing but that's me too.

The cheek of them concerning the glass.
A stupid thing for him to do and then think they can lecture you about it.

They sound like right Bully's...where is their son in all of this?

DS is 2 and absolutely insists on lip kisses with everyone! He won't leave nursery without kisses and cuddles with his Keyworker and other nursery staff. He kisses both sets of Grandparents on the lips (I don't think I've ever kissed my parents on the lips, nor has DH!) DFIL makes light of it and says we're boys so don't kiss each other but DS doesn't care! He's just a very affectionate little boy....we are trying to gently encourage high 5's and first bumps!

How does your DH feel about his dad kissing the DCs on the lips?

If you have him on side, could you maybe approach it that you want to start teaching your older child about bodily autonomy and so want all family members, including yourselves, to kiss only on the cheek/forehead from now on? Perhaps even throw in there that the DCs will never be forced to kiss other people if they show any signs of discomfort or not wanting to do it. Obviously your DH would have to approach him with this so that you're not seen as the 'bad DIL'.

Lip kissing is for romantic kisses, not your children.

It's probably a cultural thing. And quite disrespectful of your FiL to do it when it's clear you don't like it. His attitude towards the wine glass incident shows that he doesn't respect you.

Your DH needs to tell him that he is to be more respectful and stop doing it.

I kiss my DD on the lips 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's perfectly normal for a parent to do, but I understand feeling like you don't want someone else to. My worry wouldn't be impropriety (if I thought there was any hint of that, my DD wouldn't be around the person in the first place) but more stuff like cold sores and germs.

• Thinking about it the message I'm giving them is confusing...

We can kiss mummy and daddy on the lips but no one else.*

That's not a confusing message, though. It's the message we teach our kids about other stuff, such as seeing them naked, etc. Children are absolutely able to learn that certain behaviours are for certain people and situations (for example, following grandma's rules when you're at grandma's house).

Inappropriate, weird, and yucks. Why would you allow it?

Ugh, no, just no.

YANBU! Don't feel bad about the glass, I actually did bite into a glass as a small child, not good

You're perfectly entitled to say no lip kissing. Apart from (IMO) it just being unnecessary and too intimate, it's unhygienic. Just no.

My FIL kissed me on the lips once and he now gets the side of my head/hair at best on arrival just in case he tries it again

Agree completely with Deslynn, you don't need a reason why it's different for you as parent, the entire relationship is different for obvious reasons