not micro managing my son's GCSE work/revision

[tactum]

DS (Y11) has a history of doing the bare minimum all through school, really really bright boy - got all 7s and 6s in mocks with very little work.
Today according to him, is the day he gets his act together and is saying he'll do 2 hours work a night, mainly just doing notes at the moment. My issue is, he is saying the only way this will work is if I take responsibility for taking his phone off him during 2 separate hour long slots in the evening. He says its the only thing hes asking of me and why can't I do it for him? My argument is that he should just set an alarm on his phone for the 2 sessions and then just bring it to me. He says this won't work. I know if I say lets try it, he'll make sure it fails and he forgets.
I just don't accept that an intelligent lad is basically trying to make it my responsibility to make sure he works. If I'm not here then what will he do?
Aaargh any advice/tips? He gets so mad when I say it's not practical and we end up arguing.

Oops, sorry didn't really want there to be a vote so don't feel you have to!

Locked box with timer? Parental app that locks phone?

I didn't manage my DD's revision but if they had asked me to take their phones away for 2 hour long slots then I would have. Your DS is asking for your help in this, it would hardly be difficult to do it and show your support.

Why don't you want to do this? Seems quite a basic ask and he has done well to identify that it will support him.

This is one thing he needs from you. He is prepared to do the rest of it. Why wouldn’t you?

You could agree to do it for a trial basis on the condition that if he tries to argue or negotiate (when you ask him to hand over his phone) you'll withdraw your services?

And so many parents here would swap with you in a heartbeat.

(I don’t mean their kids! I mean the amount you need to do to help your DS with this.)

I'm all in favour of him doing it, it's the fact that he's making it my responsibility, ie if I dont remember or am not around it won't happen and it'll be my fault. He can't take the responsibility himself by simply putting a timer on his phone.

I would just do it. I’d take his phone, the tv remotes and any other technology and go out for a few hours.

He wants you to physically go and take his phone off him? It's your responsibility to do that?

He can't just bring the phone to you?

Is he trying to engineer arguments or somehow make you 'to blame' if he doesn't revise enough?

Nope, I would not agree to this.

Look after the phone for 2 hours - yes, but it's his responsibility to choose which 2 hours he wants to revise and to hand his phone over.

You can help him when you are around without taking responsibility for the times you are not. It's not an either / or situation so best not to get tied up arguing about that.

He's just asking for help as he knows himself well enough to realise he needs it.

As a parent, I would argue you are somewhat responsible for your teens revising as well. As far as I'm aware it's part of the job specification...

I totally get what you mean about him passing over responsibility to you over something that he should be taking responsibility for himself....... But, I just don't think GCSE revision is the right place to have this fight with him.
Instill that responsibility over some other subject, not over something so important for his future.

Thank you wickedly - you get exactly what my point is. He will blame me and make it my fault, and he can be a very argumentative and lazy person!

Just do it when you’re there and make it very clear to him that it’s a favour, not your responsibility. Not a massive deal, surely.

Compromise. Agree to do it for two weeks. Do it at a fixed time each day. After two weeks get him to set an alarm at the same time you've been taking it off him and see if he'll comply. At least you'll have got him into the habit of 4-5pm and 7-8pm (for example) are phone free hours.

You have a very odd idea of micromanagement.

Your son has taken the mature step of identifying as weakness that is in the way of an important process (studying for exams) and come up with a reasonable solution. It should not cause you much work. Why would you not 🤔

Seriously, why turn this into a thing. he's realistic enough to admit he's not disciplined with his phone so just do as he asks and take his phone away, it's no hardship is it.

Why don't you want to do this? He isn't asking for much!

YANBU.
My dd is refusing all help and support when at home, so I'm just letting her get on with it. I know she's putting in the effort, but it won't get her anywhere because she won't listen and does it her own way that doesn't work.
I've given up tbh, they are her GCSE's, and it might teach her a lesson in accepting help.
You can lead a horse to water .....

Jeez, OP, you should read some threads about how much posters elsewhere are putting into 'their' DC's revision and homework. FWIW, I'm pretty hands-off myself, but I would do this for him as a favour, though not as an obligation. So if you forget, or are engaged elsewhere, it's on him if he can't use a little self-discipline.

What happens if you go to get his phone, and he says "nah, I'm not feeling like it yet, come back in half an hour"?

Is he proposing regular set times?

titchy I might do that, seems like a good idea. I do sort of see what everyone else is saying, on the face of it it seems like no big deal, but I have 2 evenings a week I am out and so do I cancel everything for the next 3 months to be in the house every evening??

Compromise, tell him to put it somewhere, dining table, kitchen work top, etc. Then it's like you are supporting him, but he has to put it there, it's his responsibility.