To be shocked at this level of aggression?

[Glitterzzz]

Hi guys. I dropped my son to nursery this morning as usual and pulled out of a junction onto the road. It was raining and hard visibility but I did check each way.

I pull out to hear a few seconds later a beep sound from the driver behind. I immediately realise my mistake and think fair enough I deserve that maybe I didn’t check enough? He was not anywhere near crashing into me given the few seconds and then the beep and then I looked in my rear view mirror.

We proceed to drive along the road where I pull in on the left as was going to the post office. He gives me the finger and revs his van behind me. I come to a stop and he drives up the side car to car and opens his passenger window. I also open my window half way.

He screams at me I nearly caused an accident. I said look I made a mistake but why are you being so aggressive ? He immediately starts screaming names at me your a fucking prick , your a stupid bitch, and so on. I lost my cool and said well your a fucking dickhead then. At this point he goes to put his van in park and grapples at his seatbelt as if he was going to come out of his veichle.

I mentally noted that my doors were locked, and I don’t know if he saw I had a camera in my car but he didn’t exit the veichle. He then continues to scream abuse and ends it with telling me ‘ your a FUCKING WHORE ‘ that’s what you are a fucking whore then drives off... I checked the van for a company name but none. Didn’t get his plate number but was really shaken over this.

On reflection I shouldn’t have even put my window down. But I said straight away I made a mistake .. where do we draw the line of thinking it’s okay to be this aggressive and verbally insulting someone ? Plenty of times I’ve not been happy with another driver but don’t even beep unless it’s serious ..

I have a dash cam could probs get his reg off that. But is this even a crime ? I hate to think how he speaks to females in his own life. It was when I shot back a verbal insult ( after many from him) that I could see his shock and that’s and he was gesturing that he was going to get out the car... still a bit shaken now !

From your description of pulling out and there being a "few seconds" I wouldn't automatically assume you WERE at fault. He may have been speeding or not paying attention.

30mph is 44ft/sec which is 132 if you allow three seconds and stopping distance is 75ft.
It happens a lot round my way as the end of our street is just off a roundabout. You pull out when clear and some speeding asshole accelerates aggressively off the roundabout and sits on your bumper.

He sounds like a right charmer!
Some people just have no control over their aggression. I'd feel sorry for him, he has to live like that for the whole of his life!

Had something similar (but not as extreme) happen to me before. It's really horrible and shakes you up for a long time after. Even thinking back on it now makes me feel sick and it was years ago! It's a form of assault, imo. Your reaction is normal OP, take care of yourself

If you had been a large fit/muscular man no way would have risked a verbal attack because of the chances of it escalating into a physical attack where he got his ass handed to him

Have to disagree there. Most of the road rage incidents I’ve seen on tv and in the news have been two men having a pop at each other.

That is awful. The last small accident I saw just after it happened was a stocky man kicking the car and shouting abuse at an older man. It was awful, so much rage, it reminded me that aggressive nutters are everyone and best to not engage if you can.

If you had been a large fit/muscular man no way would have risked a verbal attack because of the chances of it escalating into a physical attack where he got his ass handed to him
he did it because he knew he could get away with it, because he knew you wouldn't retaliate

you got that completely wrong

The OP was lucky to be female and the other driver male, it's entirely possible a man would have just been hit by the irate driver.

There are also enough cases of women physically assaulting other women in road rages incident to know that it's not all about female victim and male abusers...

To be honest it was the ‘ fucking whore ‘ your just a fucking whore ‘ comment that got to me the most. This came after I told him that he was a fucking dick head ( after he had already abused me multiple times ) the sheer look of shock went through his face and then came that insult . I do believe he was shocked to be mouthed back by a female ... but in future I won’t ever wind the window down again...

This has happened to me twice over minor driving errors, the first one happened because I was lost and forgot to indicate when I switched lanes, didn’t even cut anyone up, apparently that meant it was acceptable to aggressively follow me, beep at me repeatedly and scream insults out their window, I’ve come to the conclusion some people are insane, everyone makes little mistakes sometimes when driving, it doesn’t justify someone following you and screaming insults at you.

If I did that every time someone pulled out on me or didn’t indicate I’d be doing it pretty much every day, these kinds of people are unhinged.

It sounds like he's not used to females hitting back at him. Respect to you for not taking it and meekly apologising to him repeatedly like he's some sort of Lord. -which is what I probably would've done-

I hope he doesn't have an OH back home that he treats this way

Something similar happened to my mum, it must be at least 20 years ago and she was around 80. The guy got out of his car and came up to hers, he opened her car door,(pre automatic locking) looked at her, swore, slammed the door shut, turned to walk away, turned back, re-opened the car door, looked at her again, shouted, 'I can't hit an old fucking woman,' slammed the door and stormed off back to his own car.
Being fair, she was a crap driver but there is no excuse for aggression like that shown to her or you.

I can understand you wanting to answer back rather than being a well behaved little woman who sits and silently accepts aggression. He was the one in the wrong not you.

you can say sorry you just put your hand up in answer to the question about sorry.

Too much agression today and no courtesy.

Why is it nobody ever wants to slow down or let anyone out. We all need to be let out sometimes.

To the OP you didnt need to engage or swear to him.

I would contact the police if you have footage. Road rage often escalates - the next woman this guy gets angry at may well be beaten up.

I’ve had this kind of aggression aimed at me by drivers before, both as a driver and a pedestrian. It’s awful, isn’t it. People with anger problems should not be allowed to drive. Absolute lunatics.

Really feel for you. Years ago I accidentally cut up another driver when joining a motorway. He pursued me for over 20 miles in spite of constant attempts to lose him - speeding up, slowing down, lane changing. When I left the motorway he followed me, stopped next to me at the red lights at the top of the sliproad, gesticulating and shouting. It was only when he saw me pick up my phone and dial 999 that he buggered off.

The woman who answered the call was lovely but I was in a terrible state. There are some complete fucking nutters on the road.

Eugh what a disgusting person!
Sorry you had to deal with all that, hope you are ok now. I had similar happen once and it shook me up a bit as he was chasing me down the road in his car and going crazy at me. Some people really need anger management!

My DH is a police officer and I know he would take a complaint about this HOWEVER I also know he would say that because you swore back at him, he couldn't argue that the abuse was one way. I know you just responded to his vile language but he'd say the other person could equally make a complaint about what you said.
I know it's awkward but that's how people are these days, he probably wouldn't admit how he was and just say you were also swearing. I know you have camera footage but that would also show you swearing sadly.

Unfortunately there's plenty of these type of people around, I always dread to think any children see or overhear it as what does it teach them!

Some drivers are awful you wonder how they get through the day without a coronary. Red faced angry idiots. I don't blame you for feeling shaken up it's a horrible feeling being on the end of that kind of aggression.

This is horrible OP and I'm not surprised you were shaken by it. I've encountered some aggressive arseholes in my time but one time I was at a mini roundabout turning left, I had checked right, started to pull out and a motorcycle appeared at speed from nowhere, so I braked hard. He gestured that I should carry on, so I did and he followed me. I was going home but decided to go the local Tesco instead where there would be lots of people about. He followed me into the car park, and I thought "here goes, I'm going to get a mouthful of abuse". I got out of the car and he was so apologetic. He said he was completely at fault, was travelling far too fast and just wanted to apologise. Very nice of him but I don't think men appreciate how scary it is for a woman to be followed by a potentially angry/aggressive man!

There are really aggressive people out there. It’s a shock as we don’t usually have this in our lives, but that man is like this a lot I imagine. My Ex would be like this, perhaps not quite so bad, and he’s definitely got an ‘anger problem’ which is just another way of saying he’s a selfish asshole really.

What may have shocked you is your shouting back. Knowing that we can feel anger ourselves can be equally as shocking. Then realizing that this may have escalated is another thing.

Once rang 999 after being behind a driver who made an error of judgement - wrong lane, no biggie - car behind him tailgated him along a dual carriage way to a roundabout, we all turned right forced his car onto the path, parked being him and got a big wrench out the boot!! Started hitting the car! Madness!!

He's an arsehole; plenty of drivers make mistakes on the odd occasion. This weekend I was behind a car who was indicating to come off at an exit then swerved back in to stay on the road at the last minute; the driver put their hazards on to apologise as soon as they realised. No big deal; I braked and we all survived and next time they'll look twice. However, I've seen plenty of drivers who would have gone fucking bananas over that because they're just rage machines bubbling under the nice surface and feel that anyone who makes a mistake on a road is doing so out of disrespect.

Anyone who needs to escalate to that level is nothing short of an arsehole.

OP, hope you’re OK now. My dh had an incident where he pulled out, guy coming along the road far too fast caught up with him very quickly and took exception to his presence. Tried twice to stop him by overtaking and stopping right in front of him (dh just pulled round and carried on). Guy continued to follow him until dh reached his destination then he got out of the car, hit dh’s wing mirror (no damage) and yelled at him for a couple of minutes before driving off. Dh uploaded dash cam footage to police website and they sent the guy on an awareness course. So it might be worth looking at your footage and seeing if he was going too fast etc. Even if he wasn’t and you did make a mistake that’s still no excuse for that level of aggression.

Absolutely no excuse for his behaviour and I would have/have done the same.
Sometimes people need to know you are not going to take it and why should you? He is gutless, trying to intimidate you but in reality bet he’s pathetic. His issue not yours, if you have the number plate then report to police on non-emergency line.

Someone near me was killed in a road rage incident. He pulled out of a side road causing a driver on the main road to brake hard. The bloke on the main road drove into this man's car, then got a jack out of his boot and beat the man over the head with it. Really shocking.

The man who wrote off my dd's car got out and screamed and shouted at her. She was absolutely terrified. The only reason he couldn't get the doors open was because the car was so badly damaged. The police weren't interested. The collision was completely his fault.

There is something seriously wrong with these people.

Something similar happened me about 4 years ago. It was terrifying, as it happened on an isolated country road - the other driver angrily overtook me, did an emergency stop to block the road in front of me, and jumped out of his car and ran over to mine, screaming abuse. It was horrible, and upsetting for my young son as well.