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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DH asleep on the sofa again!

77 replies

BasilFaulty · 23/02/2020 18:02

We've got a rare free weekend. Today we've been for a roast at MILS and done a bit of shopping, nothing strenuous. We came back about 3 hours ago, he put the rugby on, and I got on with some chores. No dramas.

I went in about two hours ago and he is FAST ASLEEP ON THE SOFA LIKE A TODDLER AAGGGHHHH. I said 'DH, are you asleep now then?' and he said 'I'm just relaxing' and fell back asleep again.
That was over two hours ago and he has now started snoring.Angry

He has no health issues. He works FT, as do I. (Actually more hours than him)

He does this every free weekend we have. I really wanted him to help with getting the house sorted this weekend. I'm lonely and bored Sad
He now won't be able to sleep tonight and will then complain tomorrow that he's tired.

AIBU to be getting a bit pissed off at this now? WIBU to just bugger off and leave him to sleep away our weekend?

OP posts:
pipnchops · 23/02/2020 19:02

As someone who loves to sleep and would love the opportunity to have a Sunday afternoon nap I think YABU. As long as you haven't got DCs you are left to deal with on your own. Just do something for yourself while he sleeps, whether that's a nap or read a book or watch a film. Ahhh as someone who has young children this sounds like a blissful Sunday afternoon!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 23/02/2020 19:03

You said you're bored and lonely so why didn't you say "let's get these chores done then we can do x together"?

He may have thought "ah well it's our only time together and she'd rather do chores than spend time with me" but neither of you have communicated.

pipnchops · 23/02/2020 19:04

Have you enough money to hire a cleaner? Then neither of you have to do housework. Or divide up household chores between you if this isn't possible, it's not right you should be doing it all while he sleeps.

Fruityb · 23/02/2020 19:04

My husband used to do this before we had our son and occasionally still tries to when cuddling up with ds of a weekend afternoon. But it’s far less regular now.

However he could sleep all afternoon on a Saturday and after a couple of weekends spent bored shitless and stuck in the house I used to just go out as soon as he did it. I swear I could have burned the blanket he used to wrap up in!! So I used to write a note saying where I was and go. I’d often get a text saying “I’d have come with you” and after a few of these he stopped doing it! Sundays I didn’t mind so much but saturdays would boil my piss!

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 23/02/2020 19:05

Welcome to my world, OP! Mine falls asleep at the drop of a hat, even in the bath! I have now given up and just get on with my own thing. But you are right, having been asleep during the afternoon and early evening means he gets up around 5 in the morning and bloody wakes me up, every single day!!!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/02/2020 19:05

If anyone told me I couldn't have a nap because they wanted me to do chores I tell them to fuck right off 😁

Fallsballs · 23/02/2020 19:08

How come you can’t nap op ?! I’m shocked, I dearly love a nap and much prefer them to a lie in which I find difficult due to too long being woken up by children.

Candyfloss99 · 23/02/2020 19:08

If you have a weekend to yourselves you should be out enjoying yourselves not doing chores. No wonder he's fallen asleep.

HollowTalk · 23/02/2020 19:11

But why should the OP be the only one doing chores? Why should he sleep when she's running around doing everything, when she works longer hours in a very stressful job? There's no point saying 'go out' if there are jobs to be done.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 23/02/2020 19:18

Mr Kalinka does this. And then doesn’t sleep well at night. It boils my piss. To be fair he does pull his weight in the house.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 23/02/2020 19:21

If you're doing house work, ask him to help and say "can you take the bins out, put washing in.." etc. He's not a mind reader. If he is watching rugby, then fine, relax as well. Then do housework later together.
At my house, me and DH both relax at the same time and chores at the same time, so it's fair.

Ragwort · 23/02/2020 19:24

I think it's rather needy to say you are 'lonely and bored' just because your DH is having an afternoon nap. Haven't you got any interests of your own? I don't expect my DH to entertain me and neither do I want to entertain him. My DH spent most of the day in the pub with his mates watching the rugby, I did some of my volunteering commitments and then spent the afternoon catching up on tv Grin. Bliss, we are both happy, doing what we want to do. And only essential chores need to be done surely?

thenightsky · 23/02/2020 19:25

My DH is like this too. I've lost count of the tv series we've had to abandon due to his inability to stay awake beyond 20 mins.

Realisation dawned when DD and her DP were sharing all the pics taken over Xmas festivities. He was asleep in every one! Sad

Stepmoose · 23/02/2020 19:32

I kind of understand what you mean but I am guilty of falling asleep in the evening on the couch (exhausted due to 3 young dc and night feeding). DH used to always make comments and it really bugged me having to force myself to stay awake when I was tired and being told when I could and couldn't sleep as a grown adult! Infact being expected to work to someone else schedule in any way. As long as he does help you and spend time with you at other times then I think let him be!

Chinks123 · 23/02/2020 19:32

He’s a lazy sod @PrincessHoneysuckle, I watched it too then had to be up with the baby at 7.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/02/2020 19:32

I actually lay on top of my bed yesterday afternoon for a Nanna nap for 2 hours.

LaBelleSauvage123 · 23/02/2020 19:36

I’d actually prefer this to nodding off and snoring through a TV programme or film. It gives me the absolute rage.

Jojo2wyatr · 23/02/2020 19:38

Have you tried hoovering right next to the sofa? I mean, a really thorough deep hoovering and while you're at it, I think the sofa could use a good hoovering alsoGrin

Original poster
BasilFaulty · 23/02/2020 19:45

@jojo Maybe I'll have to use the nozzle.....

OP posts:
womaninblue · 23/02/2020 20:03

There's more to life than cleaning and chores. Are they vital chores that have to be done each week or are they chores you've noticed and haven't talked about to him? He's not a mind reader. It sounds as if you've had plans in your head that you've not communicated to him.

I'm concerned that you feel abandoned and lonely after a couple of hours. Read a book, watch a film on the ipad, have a long bath or if you get a kick out of cleaning and having everything perfect then get on with the cleaning. You sound immature and needy and a bit whingey, to be honest.

Gogolego · 23/02/2020 20:25

Yabu its compulsory to have a nap on a Sunday after a big roast

Northernparent68 · 23/02/2020 20:46

Interesting thread, a man who complained his wife was having a snooze and he felt abandoned would be torn apart. Why do the chores have to be done on your timetable ? And if you do nt have children how long does it take ?

adaline · 23/02/2020 20:58

Why are you spending a rare weekend together doing chores anyway?

ContessaferJones · 23/02/2020 21:03

Make a list of chores that need to be done weekly. Initial the ones you're going to do, and tell him the rest are his share. Do not do anything on his list. See what happens.

BarbedBloom · 23/02/2020 21:04

I would just say in the morning what chores need doing that day and then once they are sorted you can both do as you wish. Or when he wakes, tell him what needs doing. I do think it is a bit much to say you are lonely and bored because someone is sleeping for a couple of hours though - you should have your own interests too.

We always did it as one weekend day we would do stuff together and one would be a morning of doing a few household bits and then an afternoon relaxing. Have had to change this a bit now as DH has to work Sunday now, but it generally works well for us.

I do have to have an afternoon nap some days though due to the fatigue of my chronic condition and DH often comes and lies with me and either naps or reads. It is lovely

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