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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Getting a cleaner or let dp moan into eternity

29 replies

Lunafortheloveogod · 23/02/2020 17:51

We’re due dc2 very soon, I’ll have two under 1. Before I hit the completely beached whale side of pregnancy I managed to keep the house mostly clean with dp doing dinner dishes n weekend cleaning type stuff.. anything I ask for a hand with and general stuff off his own back.

Obviously now I get knackered quicker so I don’t do as much, not dirty just clutter can live longer and the hoover won’t die if it’s not switched on type of changes. He moans a bit but he’s always been one for nothing on surfaces etc.. and mil likes to nip his ear.

My parents can’t manage to take both kids to baby sit regularly, health wise and simply they don’t get much time off work for them. I wouldn’t ask them to either. But they’ve offered as we don’t need a baby gift to pay for a cleaner to come once a week n help run round the place so I don’t need to stress while the new babies a typical won’t go down newborn and ds is being well ds. I thought it was a great offer, I’d coordinate it for a day I was in if that worked best or I’d go to a baby group for the few hours to give her peace.

Now we’re talking kitchen, bathroom, living room, hoovering kind of clean not gutting every room just to keep the house running till I’m on my feet.

DP is horrified obviously.. why would we need one! They’d go through our stuff! They steal! My
mother never had one and she had us two (bigger age gap).. blah blah blah.

Dm and me have two ideas.. cleaner comes when he’s at work and he’ll never know.
Or
I wait till he’s moaning his face off, ideally infront of MIL, and state dp’s offered to get us a cleaner.. so he can physically see how ridiculous he’s being.

It’s the same cleaner they use so she doesn’t steal or raid through everything.

Should I let him moan?
Or should I get a secret cleaner?
Or should I get the cleaner and a patio?

Why are men such awkward beasts.

OP posts:
FET2020 · 23/02/2020 17:52

Get a cleaner. We don’t argue now we have a cleaner it’s money well spent.

Jimjamjong · 23/02/2020 17:54

He can clean if he doesn't want a cleaner.

user1493413286 · 23/02/2020 17:56

Get a cleaner; I got one while pregnant with my second and she is a god send. It’s a bit insulting to say they’d steal but if it makes him more comfortable then be there when she comes

John470322 · 23/02/2020 17:56

Get a cleaner. If you can afford it, or your mother is paying, then get one. We took ages to decide if it was a good idea and now our house is clean and tidy.
We could not afford a cleaner when our children were small but I'd much rather have sat on the floor playing with them than been busy vacuuming that floor.

fedup21 · 23/02/2020 17:56

What moaning is he doing? Can you give specifics?

What does his mum have to do with it?

katy1213 · 23/02/2020 17:56

If she comes when he's at work, he'll never know. If he's not stepping up himself, then it's none of his business.

Cheeserton · 23/02/2020 17:57

Get the damn cleaner. He's being ridiculous, particularly when it's a known and trusted cleaner and, best of all, FREE!

SleepingStandingUp · 23/02/2020 17:58

Yup let him moan, tell him to do it himself cos you just grew him a cold and then when he moans again repeat the offer.

IWishItWasSummer · 23/02/2020 18:00

Make a list of the things the cleaner would be doing. Hand him the list and if he agrees to do these things then fine, if he doesn’t get a cleaner ☺️

HillAreas · 23/02/2020 18:00

Just let it happen. If he wants a certain standard and won’t have a cleaner, he will have to be the one doing the extra work. You will have enough to be getting on with, as well as physically trying to recover from two pregnancies in quick succession.
He needs to try and understand just what your body has and will be going through, as well as be realistic about the demands of a one year old and a new baby. His head seems to be in the clouds.
FWIW I am due with DC2 almost a year to the day after DC1 so I know where you’re coming from. If my DH was giving me this sort of chat I think he’d be under the patio Grin

ChocAuVin · 23/02/2020 18:02

Get
The
Cleaner

Wolfcub · 23/02/2020 18:05

Either you get a cleaner or he does it all. His choice

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/02/2020 18:06

Two under 1😳, get that cleaner. I’ve got twins but I think your age gap is harder as they won’t be in the same routine. Just do anything that makes things easier for a while.

Soontobe60 · 23/02/2020 18:06

Absolutely get the cleaner, tell him you're getting a cleaner then tell him to bugger off if he moans! Good grief, you're practically going to be glued to the house for at least six months with two little ones so you can follow said cleaner round so they don't steal 🤣🤣🤣

Blackandgreenteas · 23/02/2020 18:06

Get the cleaner and tell him that you are. Don’t take any nonsense!

MitziK · 23/02/2020 18:08

Get the cleaner. Your second option would only result in his mother pulling a face and saying what a ridiculous, lazy, stupid idea it is.

gamerwidow · 23/02/2020 18:08

Either you get a cleaner or he does the stuff he is moaning about himself.

Chinks123 · 23/02/2020 18:09

Do you mean mil comments on the state of the house? If so it’s none of her business!
He can either clean it or pay for a cleaner. At the end of my pregnancy with pgp I pretty much could wash up and that was it, I was using crutches just to get around the house. Couldn’t afford a cleaner but dp did his bit and I don’t think he’d dare whinge about the state of the house.
Get the cleaner and tell him to shut up op!

softkitty79 · 23/02/2020 18:10

There has to be a level of agreement, i would love to have a cleaner, my husband is not keen as he finds it intrusive and is quite private. I'm working part time about 60 hours /wk, he is a stay at home parent, it isn't me who would have to put up with someone coming in the house so for now no cleaner

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 23/02/2020 18:11

What a lovely mum you have.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 23/02/2020 18:13

Nothing to add other than you are superwoman having 2 under 1 Grin

Darbs76 · 23/02/2020 18:14

He’s being selfish and ridiculous - I’d tell him he either steps up and helps whilst kids are young or you have a cleaner

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/02/2020 18:23

Wtf does it have to do with his mother?! (and I'd be telling him that too)

Agree with PPs either get a cleaner or he cleans.

And I'd also be telling him if he thinks it's so easy he can clean at the weekend whilst looking after both babies on his own (and remind him that's the unrealistic option - the realistic option would include replicating pregnancy/birth side effects via a baseball bat). The cheek of him.

Enko · 23/02/2020 18:26

Get the cleaner and tell him you are doing so and will hear no further about it.

dottiedodah · 23/02/2020 18:31

Cleaner right now ,No discussions , Honestly talk about looking a gift horse in the face ! I could maybe understand if he was paying for it ,but it is a true godsend for both of you ! A free Cleaner ,most people would give their right arm for such a gift !

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