To want to be with someone who can keep in contact? Feel so sad and resentful

[Everythingsonme]

Been with DP for 2 years now, we don’t live together but live 15 mins away from each other. He never texts or calls me unless I call/text him first, never initiate to meet up, everything is on me. We don’t talk/meet up unless I initiate. The only time he gets in contact is if I don’t contact him for 2-3 days, then I’ll get a ‘hey how are you?’ text. His phone is literally glued to his hands and he’s always online on WhatsApp, but he doesn’t initiate anything. So it’s not like he’s “useless” with phone. It’s not like he hates texting or talking on the phone, he can sometimes be on the phone to his friends for an hour or two. They obviously call him.

When we are together he is affectionate and lovely, but when we’re apart I don’t hear from him unless initiate contact.

I get jealous of my friends OHs who’s always in contact with them, nothing extreme just a call or two and a few texts back and forth.

I feel frustrated and resentful. I don’t feel loved or wanted when he goes 2-3 days without speaking to me, and he’s fine with that. I need someone who wants to keep in contact with me during the day, or even a evening call at the end of the day would do it for me. But no contact for days, I can’t do that. I’ve spoken to him many times, but nothing has changed. I just feel so resentful, I guess he’s always been like this but I thought things would change.

I couldn't be bothered with this. How often do you actually see each other? Who instigates dates?

It could be that he’s super laid back about relationships and commitment and is happy with how things are - hence being affectionate and nice when you’re together. And if you were the same then happy days!!!
But you’re not, and you’ve told him, and he’s not tried to compromise or make a bit more of an effort. It literally takes 30 secs to send a “how was your day” txt.
I’d be ending this relationship and finding someone who has similar approach to the mechanics of a relationship, your current P sounds like a bit of a wet weekend.
Who doesn’t wanna just chat to their partner at the end of a long day, or send cute/ funny / sexy messages when you get a spare 5 mins.
Next!!!

Sounds like you don't give him time to initiate contact if you're always in there first.

Literally my ex. Lasted 6 months and got rid. Life is too short.

Are you dating my ex? He was famous for this. I’d message him and he’d show it as read, but not care to reply.

I spent years trying to make it work but we broke up in the end, I got sick of everything being one-sided. Relationships are meant to be give and take.

@katy1213 I do give him time to initiate contact, hence why I step back and he only initiate after 2-3 days of not speaking. I did that to try and see how long it would take him to contact, it just gets me down

@FrankieGoesToLiverpool have you find someone you're more compatible with in that aspect?

You've spoken to him about it and he won't change. That sounds as if he's not prepared to try to meet your needs. I'd get rid and find somebody who can.

He’s not that in to you. There may also be someone else.
Ditch him and find someone who puts you first.

@Everythingsonme yes funnily enough I met him 10 weeks after breaking it off with my ex. I’ve been with him almost 3 years and we live together. He always messages me random lovely things. I think if it’s a dealbreaker, and it’s making you not feel like the best version of you, then get rid. Life is too short to sit worrying about/second guessing someone else.

@Cinammoncake this 100%.

"Who doesn’t wanna just chat to their partner at the end of a long day, or send cute/ funny / sexy messages when you get a spare 5 mins."

Me. I preferred the distance if a couple of days and then it was like a proper dat night, lots to talk about, excitement of speaking etc.

My DH worked away from home, he'd phone me every couple of days. I could only get a message to him via his manager, in the days before mobile phones.

I had a successful 22 year marriage and after being widowed a good seven year relationship, during mobile phone usage, on the same basis.

My Dad/grandad was in the merchant navy, so I don't know if it's partly the example I was shown growing up.

My DD is the same and she's having real problems with what she sees as neediness and her feeling swamped by her current partner. I think they'll split because they aren't compatible in their needs. She doesn't want to, she's very much 'into him', but doesn't need to be in contact daily.

Sounds like he wants/needs less contact than you do.

He doesn't seem to want to feel connected to you in the same way that you do. Just end it as it isn't going to change.

This is utterly bizarre.
So he never even sends a message just to check in! "How's your day going?" Or anything like that?
This would make me feel like shit to be honest. Go out and find yourself a partner who makes you feel loved and desired all the time, not only when you're in their immediate company.

He doesn't care, OP. I say that because he will wait 2-3 days of you NOT initiating contact before texting you. Therefore he DOES text when it matters to him; ergo, unless he wants to get in touch with you, you don't register for him.

You've told him this upsets you and he doesn't care enough to change it.

You know the answer because it's been nagging away at you. If he cared for you, he'd be doing all he can to make you happy. You've only been seeing each other - sporadically - for 2 years... and he can't even manage the very low contact you'd be happy with.

He won't improve and you know that. If it were me, I'd end it and stop wasting my time. I'd probably just permanently ignore his plaintive texts of 'hey, how are you?". Let him get a taste of his own medicine -and then, block him.

There's better out there for you

I wouldn't like this. I hope you can find someone to make you feel more loved.

I had to go to a nearby town this morning. The journey lasts about 45 minutes. According to my phone I spent 31 minutes chatting to my wife during the drive, (I do have hands free and we stop talking if there is any traffic)
Chatting, texting, whats-app etc are all the way people keep constantly in touch. I can't imaging not wanting to chat or text etc my wife.

I’ve just been ghosted by a man who was exactly the same. It was always me messaging first, always me suggesting dates/weekends away etc, he just wasn’t that bothered about being in touch with me - although constantly online on WhatsApp.

As he’s ghosted I don’t know exactly what the problem was, as he said/did all the right things when he did communicate, but I’m guessing he just found me overbearing. It sounds like your needs simply aren’t compatible.

This is not about mobile phones.

After 2 years this man does not make arrangements to meet, it is completely reliant on OP doing all the running. This is not the actions of a man in love.

He could use telegram ir carrier pigeon but the reality is-he’s making zero effort to see you OP. Bin him off

Buttersnipe, What an unnecessary and smug comment. Do you not understand the OP? I would have thought the issue was crystal clear. It is for everybody on the thread but you, seemingly.

I'm confused-he lives 15 minutes away but you never see him/hear from him unless you initiate contact? What do you actually get out of this relationship?