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Original poster

My Boyfriend wants a baby and I don't.

68 replies

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:19

Long story but
Basically I had a baby 4 years ago with my ex partner wasn't an amazing relationship I was Young 19 and it was abusive.
I at the time didn't want a baby but I went through with it with pride and do my very best at 24. I now am with a new guy he's lovely and sweet I'm always very careful as I don't want to have another baby but I'm his mind he really wants one. Well I'm currently 5 days late on my period and all negative tests he has all of a sudden become happy thinking I could be I've made it clear no I don't want one and he's now become moody with me and said it hurts because you can have a baby with your ex but not me?
Am I being spiteful by saying no or is he being unreasonable? Thanks 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:52

@MandalaYogaTapestry exactly what I said , let's enjoy each other first! And the fact I already have a 3 year old anyway! I think he's just insecure of my child's father as they see each other and regardless mine and my ex issues it's all been resolved and we are acquaintances for the sake of our child. I just feel like he's still a little young in the mind and don't understand why I don't or he doesn't want to understand 🙄

OP posts:
Pandamoore · 23/02/2020 15:52

New partner sounds like another abuser. Sorry but taking huffs?! Nornal people dont do that shit. They especially dont do it to emotionally manipulate you into having a baby you dont want.

Could have have poked holes in the condoms?

A lot of abusers get you prefers in order to make you vulnerable and more reliant on them.

Get to your docs and get this sorted.
Then dump the asshole.
Be glad this has shown you his true colours.

Read up on narcissists (there are good youtube videos) and take the freedom programme so you dont end up with some other weirdo again in future.

Pandamoore · 23/02/2020 15:55

'Oh he just doesn't understand' yeah, no, he understands. He just wants you to THINK he doesn't get it. To feel like you are overreacting. Very common abuser move to look at you with a blank stare whenever you make a perfectly valid and fair point. He isn't stupid or immature, he is a 27 year old, he gets it. He is manipulative.

Run, run for the hills.

Original poster
burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:56

@Pandamoore I think your right! Doctors tomorrow for me!!

OP posts:
Pandamoore · 23/02/2020 15:56

Good luck!

datasgingercatspot · 23/02/2020 15:59

What kind of treatment did you have or self work did you do after your split with abusive ex? The Freedom Programme? How does he know your abusive ex? He 'takes huffs'? Over what?

It's very common to go from one abusive relationship to another that is abusive in a different way.

Oldraver · 23/02/2020 16:02

He just feels insecure and threatened by my child's dad as it seems.

I would ditch him just for this.

He'd trying to guilt you to have a child just to prove he is more important than your ex. He's like a dog cocking his leg

Frenchw1fe · 23/02/2020 16:05

‘Insecure’ men will never be anything but trouble.
I think you need to end it.

Willowashen · 23/02/2020 16:07

If you’re calling him your “boyfriend”, then you’re not ready to have a baby with him, whether you want it or not.

FlowerArranger · 23/02/2020 16:14

I'm always kind of... 'hang on - can we just take a step back and consider the long-term implications` when I hear people talking about having a BABY.

You won't just be having a BABY. You'll be bringing a CHILD into this world. Another human being who you'll be responsible for..... for at least 18 years. I'm sure you know what I mean, but your boyfriend probably doesnt.

My rules for procreating are: if at all possible, get married first. Talk, talk and talk some more to ensure that he is totally on board and you're both on the same page. And don't sacrifice your career; be mindful of the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and it's usually the mother who gets shafted.

You seem to have your head screwed on right, so don't get waylaid by men who love the idea of sowing their oats but aren't willing to sign up for the long haul.

Bluetrews25 · 23/02/2020 16:14

Hope Aunt Flo calls at yours tonight, OP!

Pandamoore · 23/02/2020 16:17

When you think about it, it's not immaturity its emotional stunting.

Because my twelve year old would have loved a baby brother..when he was 5 he might have gave it 'it's not fair, I want a brother' but not now, not for years. Because empathy for others is developed at a young age.

Certain ppl dont have empathy in the way they should. So we mistake their behaviour as immaturity. But actually it's just something lacking in them, in the same way that very young kids lack it. Only if it hasn't developed now it never will.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/02/2020 16:23

if you don't want a baby, you don't need to have one.

Because you can bet your bottom dollar that if your relationship doesn't last, he will not be the one left with a child and struggling to support it on late, begrudged maintenance payments.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2020 16:25

It sounds as if perhaps he’s spun the line that he loves you so much he’s jealous of you co parenting with your ex. I don’t think he’s ready for a baby. Look out for signs to see if he’s treating you and any potential child as a possession, not a person. Be very wary of having a child with a man like that if he is.... and from what you’ve said I think he is.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 23/02/2020 16:30

Definitely red flags OP. He's clearly only interested in what he wants. He's not considering if another child is right for you or indeed your 3yo. Your DP is also stuck with your ex forever if he's thinking of a future with you, so his jealousy isn't a great starting point there either.

Don't waste any more time with him.

redwinefine · 23/02/2020 16:32

Maybe he thinks because he's willing to take on a kid who isn't his (which not all men are) he wants to share one with you?

katy1213 · 23/02/2020 16:33

You don't need a baby as a souvenir of every notch on the bedpost. And a man who is planning to stick around for the time it takes to raise a child will probably pay you the courtesy of proposing marriage first. This one sounds like it's all about his ego. Don't indulge him!

Pumpkinpie1 · 23/02/2020 16:34

You are only 24 there’s no rush to have another child especially when you don’t want one , so soon into another relationship.
To me the red flags are flapping furiously above this “boyfriend “ and his controlling insecurities.
Don’t bring a child into this equation
There are plenty of nice guys out there you don’t have to settle for someone who likes to control you.

BeamerTown · 23/02/2020 16:35

Unhelpful, @Pandamoore - I’ve personally never got on with the term “partner”, and so my husband was my boyfriend for a good ten years. My grandmother had a “boyfriend” in her 80s - it’s whatever individuals are comfortable with.

user12674246853 · 23/02/2020 16:35

he's now become moody with me and said it hurts because you can have a baby with your ex but not me

Manipulative dickhead.

How did you decide this guy isn't abusive? By comparing him to your ex?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/02/2020 16:35

If it turns out you are pregnant, op, then I'd advise waiting until you have made your own mind up about what your next steps will be before or if you tell him.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 23/02/2020 16:38

He just feels insecure and threatened by my child's dad as it seems.

Honestly, please as others have said do consider whether this guy is right for you. No decent, emotionally secure person would be 'jealous' of this situation. He knows you don't want a child but he doesn't care as he wants to 'level the playing field' as he sees it with your ex.

He's a dickhead.

AhNowTed · 23/02/2020 16:39

A whole 12 months and he "wants a baaybeee"

Jesus Christ almighty.

partofthepeanutgallery · 23/02/2020 16:40

he's now become moody with me and said it hurts because you can have a baby with your ex but not me?

This is a big red flag.

Protect yourself, don't trust any condoms he provides or if he has access to yours, and reconsider your relationship with such an insecure manchild.

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 23/02/2020 16:40

Why are you even telling him you might be pregnant if you are adamant you don't want to be? First mistake right there.

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