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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I do the right thing?

55 replies

Fladadafada · 22/02/2020 22:42

Had an odd situation today. I was looking after my friends 2yo and her sil turned up at my house asking to collect her. Friend had not mentioned this at all.

For background I know the sil reasonably well and she nice enough. My friend doesn’t particularly like her though!

I said to her “ I need to just give x a call to let her know” and she went crazy at me! Saying “ how dare you I’m her auntie, do you think I’m going to kidnap her or something”

I stuck to my guns and it was all very awkward. Called my friend who had no idea why sil was there but said it was fine to let her take her daughter, but was not that happy with sil for just showing up. It turns out she had mentioned I was looking after her dd and the sil was annoyed she hadn’t been 1st choice babysitter so had decided to just take her anyway.

I’ve been left feeling like I have done something wrong, and a bit rubbish Sad- I just felt at the time that if someone has left their child with you, you shouldn’t just hand over the child to anyone, even if they are family.

So did I do the right thing, or was I overly cautious?

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 22/02/2020 22:43

You did the right thing. Good on you for sticking to your guns

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2020 22:44

You did absolutely the right thing. SIL sounds awful.

Cherrysherbet · 22/02/2020 22:45

I think you did the right thing. I would have done the same.

Tumbledryer1 · 22/02/2020 22:45

You did absolutely the right thing in checking - you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and if that had been my child and I’d arrived to collect and you had given him or her to another relative I would have been furious to not have had a call to check!! And I’d be furious with the relative too!!!

MummytoCSJH · 22/02/2020 22:46

You 100% did the right thing.

Qwerty543 · 22/02/2020 22:47

You absolutely did the right thing.

Antihop · 22/02/2020 22:47

You definitely did the right thing

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 22/02/2020 22:48

You 100% did the right thing!

SIL sounds batshit, don't worry.

Mummyshark2019 · 22/02/2020 22:49

Of course you did the right thing. Good on you. Sil sounds a bit unhinged.

bluebluezoo · 22/02/2020 22:50

Absolutely did the right thing.

Think about it- if you’d let the child go with sil, and your friend turned up an hour later to pick her up not knowing, what would you have said to her? Better to have had the awkwardness with sil than the utter panic of where the child was with mum!!

cochineal7 · 22/02/2020 22:51

Bizar possessive behaviour from SIL. You did the right thing.

SnoozyLou · 22/02/2020 22:51

It's a family drama you just happened to get caught up in the middle of. You 100% did the right thing.

tiggerkid · 22/02/2020 22:51

You did the right thing! Yes, she is her aunt but it doesn't mean she couldn't have gone nuts! You don't know her well enough to guarantee she isn't nuts! Maybe I am being overly dramatic here but given the fact that there are some parents who can lose it to the extent that they kill their own kids, what's to say that being an aunt is a guarantee of child's safety?

Personally, I find it pretty weird that she turned up at your house to collect sister's child without her sister knowing about it. That, in itself, is not exactly normal!

TorkTorkBam · 22/02/2020 22:52

If SIL were normal she'd have made no fuss whatsoever.

Imagine you hadn't phoned, just handed over the child, then your friend came to collect and you say you gave the baby to the SIL your friend dislikes and whom your friend did not choose as babysitter. You'd have one friend less right now and you'd feel worse than you do.

SIL is a wanker for making you feel bad about this.

ToPlanZ · 22/02/2020 22:52

Definitely the right thing, must have been really uncomfortable for you though.

recordbox · 22/02/2020 22:53

I don't think anyone will say you did the wrong thing here OP

ZzzMarchhare · 22/02/2020 22:54

Your friend will trust you knowing you will stand up against awkwardness to keep her daughter safe.

Phoenix76 · 22/02/2020 22:55

If I were the friend who left my child with you I’d be very grateful that you’d checked and would have a lot of trust in you. You totally did the right thing.

chuck7 · 22/02/2020 22:57

You 100% did the right thing

Original poster
Fladadafada · 22/02/2020 22:58

Thanks everyone, you’re making me feel better. The thing is, I didn’t think she was a risk at all. It just felt really uncomfortable to hand over someone else’s child!!

OP posts:
Daftodil · 22/02/2020 22:59

You did the right thing. 100%. I'd rather upset the SIL for 2 minutes while I checked with the mum rather than upsetting the parents potentially forever. And SIL was trying to kidnap the kid! Taking a child away without the parent's knowledge? What did she think she was doing?! SIL is bonkers and handled the situation dreadfully. I would hope anyone in charge of my DC would take the precaution you did and check.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/02/2020 23:00

You absolutely did the right thing. I might have couched it in 'Oh, DFriend said she would be back here in 20 mins, I'll just give her a buzz so she doesn't have a wasted journey' but I wasn't put on the spot.

SIL sounds a total cow, what a weird thing to do.

PixieDustt · 22/02/2020 23:01

You did the right thing and I wish I had a friend like you!

Mayorquimby2 · 22/02/2020 23:04

Definitely did the right thing

I'd be fucked off with my SIL in that situation and wondering why she thought she was calling the shots

lostinleaves · 22/02/2020 23:08

Absolutely the right thing to do, I'd have been irritated if you hadn't checked and furious if you hadn't checked and she wasn't supposed to be collecting her.