Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I do the right thing?

55 replies

Fladadafada · 22/02/2020 22:42

Had an odd situation today. I was looking after my friends 2yo and her sil turned up at my house asking to collect her. Friend had not mentioned this at all.

For background I know the sil reasonably well and she nice enough. My friend doesn’t particularly like her though!

I said to her “ I need to just give x a call to let her know” and she went crazy at me! Saying “ how dare you I’m her auntie, do you think I’m going to kidnap her or something”

I stuck to my guns and it was all very awkward. Called my friend who had no idea why sil was there but said it was fine to let her take her daughter, but was not that happy with sil for just showing up. It turns out she had mentioned I was looking after her dd and the sil was annoyed she hadn’t been 1st choice babysitter so had decided to just take her anyway.

I’ve been left feeling like I have done something wrong, and a bit rubbish Sad- I just felt at the time that if someone has left their child with you, you shouldn’t just hand over the child to anyone, even if they are family.

So did I do the right thing, or was I overly cautious?

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 22/02/2020 23:16

You did absolutely the right thing.

Itwasntme1 · 22/02/2020 23:16

Absolutely the right thing.

Drum2018 · 22/02/2020 23:18

Agree you did the right thing. I have to say though that I'd bring it up with your friend and make sure she knows how uncomfortable you were with the situation, given the attitude of her SIL. And given she said to send the child with SIL I'd be leaving her to ask SIL to babysit from now on.

Clarinet1 · 22/02/2020 23:21

Yes - you absolutely did the right thing - who knows what kind of issues may have been going on between SIL and the child's mother? Also, if she trusted you with her DC then she would not expect you to let her go off with anyone without her say so.

Franklyyes · 22/02/2020 23:24

You def did the right thing - but it’s a shame your friend didn’t say her child should stay with you - it was wrong for SIL to turn up

Enchiladas · 22/02/2020 23:24

You definitely did the right thing. What is up with her SIL?? Talk about jealousy.

Original poster
Fladadafada · 22/02/2020 23:27

@Drum2018 I think my friend was trying to make it less uncomfortable for me by letting sil take her dd.

If she had said no, it would have been even more awkward. The whole thing was just bizarre! My friends dh (the sils brother) is going to deal with it apparently, and they were very apologetic to me.

OP posts:
ScrimshawTheSecond · 22/02/2020 23:28

You did precisely the right thing, well done. Must have been awkward, but my word, you couldn't just hand someone's child over without the parent's knowledge!

Verbena87 · 22/02/2020 23:31

Definitely the right thing. If it was my 2 year old I’d be deeply reassured by you taking the time to check, and bemused and pissed off by the auntie’s behaviour.

stickerqueen · 22/02/2020 23:34

You did the right thing, your friend wouldn't be happy if you had of let her go without checking I'm sure.
Sil sounds like a nutter

RandomMess · 22/02/2020 23:35

Absolutely the right thing! SIL was so out of order.

TotesGodsWill · 22/02/2020 23:36

Of course you did the right thing!

Most reasonable people wouldn’t just turn up and expect you to hand over a child you were babysitting to them if you weren’t expecting them. And if circumstances meant it was necessary for some reason, most reasonable people would understand you wanting confirmation from the child’s parents first.

Try not to take it personally, it’s their drama and you were just caught in the middle of it.

Kn0ckOnTheDoor · 22/02/2020 23:36

i would be really put out if i left my child with you and you randomly gave her away, even if it was to my mother. your friend asked YOU and you were being extremely responsible. well done. ignore SIL, she clearly went mad because she knew she had been rumbled

Newmumatlast · 22/02/2020 23:44

You 100% did the right thing. Noone ever knows what happens behind closed doors and if you're looking after someone's child and don't hear of a change of plan from them, there's no handover in my view

Coolcucumber2020 · 22/02/2020 23:49

My SIL is very bossy and would do this kind of thing and I would not have been happy about it. So you did the right thing.

I actually can’t believe your friend didn’t put her foot down and refuse and give SIL an earful.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 22/02/2020 23:51

Definitely right thing👍

stophuggingme · 22/02/2020 23:51

Is the 1% the space cadet SIL? 😁

You absolutely did the right thing.

PelicanPie · 22/02/2020 23:54

Yes of course you did the right thing! Good for you.

Majorcollywobble · 22/02/2020 23:55

Well done - you did exactly the right thing . As @TorkTorkBam says if the SIL was totally trustworthy she wouldn’t have flown up the handle as she did .

recycledbottle · 23/02/2020 00:15

You did the totally normal thing. Given SIL actions I would maybe re think "she's nice enough" maybe your friends is right about her!

MummyOfJayden · 23/02/2020 00:29

How dare you! you had no right! Sil sounds lovely xxx

RedIsWhereItsAt · 23/02/2020 00:38

Sil sounds batshit, not lovely. Hmm

Teapot13 · 23/02/2020 00:49

If I were collecting my niece, I'd expect the babysitter to clear it with my SIL. Come on.

Graphista · 23/02/2020 00:59

“If SIL were normal she'd have made no fuss whatsoever.”

I sil were normal she wouldn’t have been there in the first place!

Who the fuck does that?!

You absolutely did the right thing op.

Custody disputes, family fallouts all sorts can be damn good reasons not to hand a child over to someone without express permission of the parents.

Sil is clearly batshit!

Solongtoshort · 23/02/2020 01:00

On the rare occasions that fil has my 2 dc, my sil sometimes turns up and takes them out drives me mad, she plasters them all over her socials, then we have words, then lm the bad one blah blah blah.

You did the right thing .