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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop breastfeeding my 11-month-old? How to decide???

43 replies

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 22/02/2020 18:39

Hi all,

I’d appreciate some advice on deciding whether to stop breastfeeding my 11-month-old. I’m very clear on the benefits of breastfeeding smaller babies, but I’m not sure I understand the science behind public health recommendations to BF for 2 years. Also: because I am back at work and traveling a lot, I’m only currently breastfeeding around 4 times per week. Is there any real value to that at all for DS’s health or mine, or should I just stop?

I’m really torn. On the one hand, I know it’s a really insignificant decision in the grand scheme of things. (I mean really - 10 years from now I won’t possibly remember when I stopped BF’ing him, and he won’t care one bit!), but at the same time I seem oddly incapable of reaching a conclusion.

For me, personally, the pros are:

  • closeness with baby / special bond
  • it makes me feel useful, especially when he’s really distraught about something and it helps him calm down and regulate his breathing
  • potential benefits to him from antibodies and healthy fats in my milk, though I’m not sure if I’m giving him enough for that to make a difference
  • potential benefits to me on weight loss and breast cancer prevention (but again, not sure if I’m BF’ing enough anymore for that to be significant)

Cons:

  • He bites now, sometimes! Ouuuuch!
  • In my social circle, most people stop BF’ing around now, and I know some people (incl my parents) will find it weird for me to continue now that he’s walking
  • I don’t like it when he pulls at my shirt in public or tries to latch on through my clothes
  • It’s a gigantic hassle trying to pump while travelling and it’s stressing me out a bit

Any tips on making a final decision?

OP posts:
Original poster
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 22/02/2020 18:52

Ha, 50/50 split on the voting at the moment but no suggestions as of yet. I’d say so far this thread perfectly reflects the state of my logic and emotions at the moment. 😂

OP posts:
HollyGoLoudly1 · 22/02/2020 18:56

It's a totally personal decision. If you feel ready to stop then stop. If you're happy to continue then don't let others put you off! I was quite emotional about it when I decided to stop but my god, not having to listen to that pump again was amazing Grin

Punkatheart · 22/02/2020 19:01

I stopped at 14 months when my daughter started biting. Yes, it is entirely personal. I found it was a relief!

DesLynamsMoustache · 22/02/2020 19:02

We just stopped at one year, although I would happily have continued but DD just lost interest, really. It is quite an emotional thing; I thought we could go on for another year or so, so I've found it quite hard to adjust, but then I am quite enjoying 'having my body back' and also that DD weaned herself without any fuss or drama. She doesn't seem to miss it - she knows how to sign to ask for milk and she hasn't done it since I stopped offering the breast a week ago 🤷🏻‍

I think if you're happy to continue then go for it, but equally if you are finding it more of a bind and your DC isn't that bothered about it, it's fine to stop too. In many ways, the outcome isn't really the issue, it's the emotions around making that decision!

Homemadearmy · 22/02/2020 19:05

In your position I would stop. Not becone the age of the DC, purely because if the pumping would get to me.

RhymingRabbit3 · 22/02/2020 19:09

It is a personal choice. I think being able to comfort them when ill or upset was really worthwhile. But it's your decision to make. Please dont base it on people in your social circle finding it weird though, it's none of their business.

You could probably stop pumping while travelling unless you're away for many nights in a row. Your supply would probably manage at this point and, if not, I guess that makes the decision easier?

NotYourHun · 22/02/2020 19:14

I’m still breastfeeding my 17 month old. He probably feeds 4-6 times per week, once per day. Unless he’s really ill or having a complete meltdown. I kept meaning to give up. I don’t even particularly like it. But it’s easier just to keep doing it!

TriangleBingoBongo · 22/02/2020 19:17

It’s completely personal. Do what feels right for you.

SummerHouse · 22/02/2020 19:18

I would, and did, stop. It just sort of happened naturally for me as soon as I started introducing formula my supply just went. It is a tough decision because in the back of your mind I think there is a sense of guilt and duty... A bit of an unhelpful side effect of being a parent. You have done a year. I would collect my medal and be proud of it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2020 19:24

It’s entirely up to you. What I’d disregard from your lists is what other people think. Why would you care? Their babies, their breasts, their decisions, and irrelevant to your baby, your breasts and you. If you’re feeding so little it seems unlikely people are watching you do it very often anyway.

I’m still feeding my 11 month old, still on maternity leave but hoping and planning to carry on when I go back in a couple of months. DD feeds all day despite eating 3 square meals and nips me every now and then but it works for us and I love it, everyone around me is supportive and I don’t want to stop till we’re both ready. It’s your choice, pumping is a royal faff and a big consideration.

HavelockVetinari · 22/02/2020 19:24

BF is entirely up to you, you've done brilliantly to get to nearly a year and have given your child the best start in life. If you want to stop, do it. But equally, don't worry about what others think in public, it's almost certainly not as bad as you think. A woman I thought was looking at me disapprovingly on the train on Thursday when I was bf my 2.7 yr old came up to me afterwards to say what a gorgeous boy my DS is (I'm biased but yes! He is the most gorgeous boy in the world!). Sometimes the disapproval is all in our minds.

Do what makes you happiest, and well done for getting this far.

MissingSilence · 22/02/2020 19:26

I think it’s a very personal decision. My daughter is 2 and we’re still going... I’d have laughed in your face if you’d even suggested that I’d be feeding this long before I had her!! Now though I’ve made the decision (after lots of reading etc) to let her self-wean. We feed probably 2-3 times in 24 hours. Do what feels right for you and your LO.

HavelockVetinari · 22/02/2020 19:26

Oh, and with the biting - DS did this around 6 months. A bf counsellor told me to look him in the eye, say "NO" firmly, and put him on the floor. It stopped him biting within 2 weeks.

CatteStreet · 22/02/2020 19:26

I don't think you need to pump at this age, if you don't want to. You're well into the stage where supply regulates itself, and presumably bf is not primarily about actual sustaining nutrition right now. Tbh, if you are only feeding 4x/week, it sounds like it will peter out naturally at some point. I wouldn't go to extreme efforts to ensure it continues in your situation, but neither would I actively wean.

The benefits (I share some bf advocates' reservations about that expression because it suggests bf is somehow special rather than a norm) definitely do continue well beyond 1. I think the immune effect remains quite powerful (on a population level obv) in ways we don't yet understand fully. Anecdata, but mine were bf to 4.5, 3 and 3.5 years respectively and have been very lucky re infections and health in general. So I wouldn't stop for the sole reason that you think it doesn't confer benefits, iyswim. And I absolutely wouldn't stop because other people find it weird - the more people ignore the odd attitudes to bf in the UK, the better. IIWY I would let it go on as long as it goes on. But I'm not you, and obviously, if you feel you want to stop, then that is fine.

Iggly · 22/02/2020 19:27

Do whatever works. You could just let it phase out naturally.

I did with my second. I fed until she was around 3/4?

With my first I stopped when I was pregnant and he was 2. That was more forced.

I kept going for so long because they were dairy intolerant so I wanted to make sure they were getting enough calcium especially.

LaurieMarlow · 22/02/2020 19:28

It’s a gigantic hassle trying to pump while travelling and it’s stressing me out a bit

I stopped at 11 and 13 months respectively, mostly because of this. It was pissing me off no end. No regrets.

But do what feels right for you. There are benefits to continuing, but equally your baby has had a great run. Whatever works for you.

CatteStreet · 22/02/2020 19:28

(There is alss definitely value to your health - lowering breast cancer risk etc. And there are other risks alongside the familiar ones that are reduced with bf - childhood leukaemia, for example)

CatteStreet · 22/02/2020 19:28

(Sorry, badly expressed - I meant the risk of childhood leukaemia appears to be reduced with bf)

LaurieMarlow · 22/02/2020 19:29

I don't think you need to pump at this age, if you don't want to.

You do if you’re away over night like the OP is. Or certainly in my experience.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 22/02/2020 19:30

I BF to just over a year, I found pumping very difficult and uncomfortable to get anything substantial, I was back at work and DS would happily have cow's milk from a cup if I wasn't there and hadn't been able to express enough, he didn't seem bothered either way. It was actually a bit upsetting realising he didn't need me, but it just phased out naturally

partofyoupoursoutofme · 22/02/2020 19:32

It's totally up to you! I stopped at 11 months, and felt liberated. He's 3 now and we still have our special bond, it's not been affected at all. He still puts his hand down my top though Hmm I have never regretted stopping. You will know when you are sure you want to stop!

CatteStreet · 22/02/2020 19:32

Ah, I wasn't away regularly overnight so I may be wrong on that. (I did pump a bit when I went back to work with dc2 and it is a colossal PITA, you're right). But if OP wants to stop then perhaps just not pumping might be an option for it to naturally and gradually end, as well as taking the pressure off her? (Sorry for 3rd person, OP).

Pipanchew2 · 22/02/2020 19:35

Hi OP,
With DC1 it naturally tailed off around 18months - I was feeding before and after work for the last 8 months of that and it worked ok for us.
With DC2 we stopped at 8months when he went on. Feeding strike and dried up my supply (I couldn’t face all the extra pumping) with both I don’t feel like I really got a say in when it stopped.
I’m a bit sad DC2 stopped so early but I have to say I love the freedom that you get back and being able to throw away the dreaded pump. With regards to the health benefits perhaps you could look at kellymom and laleche league: they may have some info. I’ve always wondered about the thresholds for the benefits of feeding to 2, also I think that is World Health Organisation advice so is covering mothers and babies around the world - I’ve always wondered whether it is as relevant in a developed country?

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/02/2020 19:38

I would do what feels right to you alone. You've done a great job . Don't listen to relatives or friends . Any advantages or disadvantages at this point are going to be negligible. If you were to ask me what I would do in your situation I would stop pumping and continue to offer the breast when available. If I was concerned regarding milk intake I would give him a beaker if milk. Your supply will naturally dwindle and it would be a natural tapering off. I am a very committed breast feeder by the way but all three of mine stopped naturally at 11, 7 and 48 months respectively!! All grown ups now.

Her0utdoors · 22/02/2020 19:39

It's up to both of you of course. Could you start pumping less while you're away?
Another pro for continuing is to give normal oral development in your child which will co tribute to dental health for life.
A con could be that some women find the change in hormones when the stop lactating has an impact on their mental health for a while.

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