AIBU to stop breastfeeding my 11-month-old? How to decide???

[UpToMyElbowsInDiapers]

Hi all,

I’d appreciate some advice on deciding whether to stop breastfeeding my 11-month-old. I’m very clear on the benefits of breastfeeding smaller babies, but I’m not sure I understand the science behind public health recommendations to BF for 2 years. Also: because I am back at work and traveling a lot, I’m only currently breastfeeding around 4 times per week. Is there any real value to that at all for DS’s health or mine, or should I just stop?

I’m really torn. On the one hand, I know it’s a really insignificant decision in the grand scheme of things. (I mean really - 10 years from now I won’t possibly remember when I stopped BF’ing him, and he won’t care one bit!), but at the same time I seem oddly incapable of reaching a conclusion.

For me, personally, the pros are:

• closeness with baby / special bond
• it makes me feel useful, especially when he’s really distraught about something and it helps him calm down and regulate his breathing
• potential benefits to him from antibodies and healthy fats in my milk, though I’m not sure if I’m giving him enough for that to make a difference
• potential benefits to me on weight loss and breast cancer prevention (but again, not sure if I’m BF’ing enough anymore for that to be significant)

Cons:

• He bites now, sometimes! Ouuuuch!
• In my social circle, most people stop BF’ing around now, and I know some people (incl my parents) will find it weird for me to continue now that he’s walking
• I don’t like it when he pulls at my shirt in public or tries to latch on through my clothes
• It’s a gigantic hassle trying to pump while travelling and it’s stressing me out a bit

Any tips on making a final decision?

The biting will stop soon, mine did anyway. He started biting when he was getting good at chewing solid food and he got a bit muddled for a while over whether to chew milk.

I stopped at nearly 2yrs and massively regretted not doing it longer, because:

• when he was ill I no longer had the magic warm drink full of painkilling antibodies
• I missed the closeness (and it turned out we couldn’t have any more kids so that was the end of my bf)
• my hormones changed when I stopped and I became a lot less mellow and a lot more grumpy
• son was very very sad when I stopped and I regret putting him through that

Up to you though but yes when they are ill it is so wonderful to be able to give milk.

Ps when bf I could get him to sleep in 5 seconds. After stopping bf it took at least an hr to get him to sleep. It was not fun.

If you feed once a day, you can probably ease off the pumping gradually and still maintain a reduced but sufficient supply going, without getting engorged in between. Taper off the pumping gently, maybe just a few finger-squeezes down the sink to relieve pressure until you adjust.
I thanked my lucky stars for going 'natural term' with mine, it was great for teething, keeping them healthy and bug-proof, settling when distressed, such as after jabs, accidents etc.
I was surrounded by tandem feeding long-termers, so had a supportive 'norm', and it would seem such a shame if you were put off by the opinion of others. Perhaps seek out a breastfeeding group in your area, even though you are an old hand at bfing, the company is likely to be good!
But well done you for getting this far!

I’m debating giving up at 9 months can I ask if your baby still breast feeds in the night or do they sleep through?

I stopped at 10 months. I replaced the final evening feed with a bottle of milk. Would have her all snuggled up in my arms and felt the same levels of closeness as breastfeeding. She also started sleeping though a week after I stopped (maybe coincidence though) and I've never had any issues with her settling, or lacking in comfort. I was worried about how I would settle her without the breast and it was a total non issue. For me stopping then was the night time. I look back at the feeding fondly, if I had carried on longer then it would have felt more like a chore.

You can stop pumping and keep feeding 1-4 times a week, you should adjust fairly quickly. I think the immunological benefits are worth continuing for, it's great for when they are sick

*right time not night time!

Thanks for all the perspectives. I think I’ll continue to BF when I can, but not put pressure on myself to keep up supply (goodbye pump!), and see what happens.

@88hello88, DS usually wakes up once in the night for a feed (usually a top-up towards the morning, around 4:30am), but we’ve been giving him a sippy cup of formula at that feed for the past 3 months. We worked hard to break the breastfeeding-sleep association as he was waking up too many times a night!

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers I started doing that at around the same age. Still have plenty of milk 😂

I’m still BFing my almost 16 month old but I want to stop, I feel quite beholden to him at this stage and I’m also 18 weeks pregnant so my nipples are incredibly sensitive. He doesn’t need the milk nutritionally anymore, it’s mostly a comfort thing. I genuinely have no idea how to get him to stop, he headbutts my chest until I give in .

Agree it’s completely up to you what you want, not unreasonable to continue or to stop. I believe that there continue to be immunological benefits, can’t be bothered to find a link but if WHO recommend til 2, there will certainly be an evidence base for this. I give some bm in a cup to my four yr old if there are colds going around the house! Who knows what levels are required, but ultimately there’s no other way to give your kids antibodies in a cup or otherwise, so I err on the side of let’s try it. If you reduce pumping and lose that pita then you can see if you still feel like it or not. With the family reactions - older babies tend to mainly feed morning and night so perhaps they don’t need to know much, or they can mind their own if it’s what you want to do.

Came to mind

Can you find your local LLL group? I used to go to am older babies meeting in Kingston on a Saturday and it was great. A lot of different experiences to take on board. I know I personally felt 'undecided'.about stopping breastfeeding for ages and ages....but once I was actually ready to stop I didn't feel at all unsure. I think it's totally normal in our society to work so hard to get breastfeeding established at what seems like low odds and then when it does work worrying about stopping. Breastfeeding (past the early weeks) is surprisingly robust so you could experiment with bit pumping overnight. You boobs will most likely adjust and if they don't then you know you need to either pump to keep milk up or slow down gently all you don't get mastitis. Pump to relieve engorgement rather than to drain the breast

It’s up to you 🤷‍♀️ it’s not going to make much of a difference if you cut it out if it’s only 4 times a week. The ‘science’ behind BF up to 2 and beyond is that breastmilk doesn’t lose nutrients, toddlers still get all the benefits of all the vitamins minerals and antibodies in your milk. However I would y necessarily imagine they would 4 times a week.

I think it would be a shame to stop just because you’re bothered about what others think, it’s really nobodies business. I am breastfeeding my 3 year old, no one I know has breastfed over a year - people have just stopped asking. My boobs my business.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

Oh brilliant idea thanks il have to try that. Do you heat the formula up ? Mine is waking way too much an I can tell it’s habit & eats so much in the day! x

Definitely ditch the pump and see what happens. I have never pumped regularly with either of mine (exception being when had issues establishing supply with DC1) and never encountered supply issues. I think once milk supply is established and mature then it's more "on tap" and won't immediately stop if there are gaps in feeding. The body just adjusts in most instances.

I fed DC1 until 2.5 and only stopped during pregnancy with DC2.
Still feeding DC2 (all the bloody time) at 13 months and I have just returned to work.

There really is no right or wrong. Personally I feel it's a wonderful tool and source of comfort, so that's why I fed DC1 as long as I did (which isn't a particularly long time really!). I'm not sure how long I will feed DC2 but not planning on any more pregnancies so that won't be a reason to stop this time...

Sometimes I am over it and want to stop, but mostly I enjoy it and want to carry on. So until either I (or DC2) feel I want to stop I will carry on!

Getting an for almost four years or feeding now... will be weird not to do it anymore!

OP for what it's worth I stopped with both at 11mo and never looked back.

Weaning a baby is a heck of a lot easier than weaning a toddler. Plus they both remained lovely and cuddly afterwards, they just didn't associate me with food.