Friend leaving DC in car?

[LadySlipper11]

A friend of mine came round for coffee earlier, and as her DD (13 months) had fallen asleep in the car she left her there.... AIBU to think thats a bit weird? She wasnt parked on my driveway, just on the road, and for some reason I felt this was unsafe - but I'm not sure why I thought that. I did say "oh, will she be ok in there?" and my friend just said "of course!" as if I was being ridiculous. What is everyone else's thoughts? I'm a mean mother who wakes her child up (even though I try my best not to!) to transfer them into the house!

isnt it illegal ? ( not to mention very fucken stupid )
my mum had a friend when i was growing up, she left her baby strapped in his car seat while she nipped in to the dairy for a bottle of milk or whatever..... in that few mins she was gone was long enough for his brain to boil... he is now in his 20's and lives in an assisted living place as he can not be alone, he has no language skills at all and his brain age is very very young, he will need care until he dies.... so nope i wouldnt, even on the driveway with a window cracked, nope

@TheSerenDipitY
Sorry about your acquaintance but it would take more than 2 minutes for a babys brain to "boil" (pretty sure that's not even a thing). It takes longer than that for air con to kick in in any car so surely there would be hundreds of children affected by it.

Plus the OP was talking about an event that happened in the UK in February. Not much chance of the child over heating.

I know someone who used to do this on a regular basis. As it happens neighbours noticed & contacted the police who got social services involved. Nearly got done for neglect but the case got dropped.

Well if she's regularly checking and you can see the car, I would do it and have done it.

Did you volunteer to go watch the baby in the car and give your friend a break? Would I buggery be waking a 13 month old up.

It really depends what kind of sleeper you've had if you don't get this.

@TheSerenDipitY

That’s not going to be an issue in the UK in the colder half of the year... Clearly if someone left a child in the car in a July heatwave, that’s another matter.

A baby waking up in the car without its parents is scary and traumatic for them and they can work themselves up into a complete state.

My children never worked themselves into a complete state on waking, the car was no less familiar than their cot.

I would leave mine occasionally in the car on the drive, I never had reason for the car to be on the road, but if I could see the car I would have considered it if the situation arose.

At 13mths they were all still in a stage 1 car seat so it wasn't an issue.

Thanks for all the replies. The situation was reversed yesterday as I went to said friend's house for lunch, LO fell asleep in the car so I left him on the drive. Have to say it made me anxious and I checked him every 2 mins! Each to their own but I don't think it works for me.

What about it made you anxious?

No, road or drive. Just No.

I used to leave DD1 in the car seat on the driveway, because she always woke up when I tried to transfer her to the buggy or the cot, and was then very grumpy the rest of the day. I used to leave the front door open and the car windows so I would hear when she woke up. (Only on the driveway, not on the road. It isn't a good idea to park on the road IMO, because another car could drive into the back of your car.)

With DD2, I could transfer her into the buggy and bring her into the house, so that scenario didn't arise.

@indecentfeminist I really don't know! That's why I posted, wondered if someone's reply would help me put my finger on why it makes me uncomfortable, or help me see isn't something to worry about. Possibly him waking up in unfamiliar surroundings? But not really, he knows the car and he's a pretty relaxed baby. I'm none the wiser!

I read an article a few years ago about a man who left his young child in a car when he popped into a chemist. When he came back a policeman was standing by the car and told him he shouldn't have left the child unattended. Can't remember the ins and outs but social services ended up getting involved.

Chances are it will be fine but every now and then it won't be so why take the risk. How many children get abducted from hotel rooms never to be heard of again? But who would risk it after Madeleine McCann? The child could be snatched, the car could be stolen, the child could wake up distressed etc - just not worth it.

I did this. If you have a horrific sleeper you’d understand. My DC would not stay asleep if transferred out the car and sometimes a drive was only think that would help them get to sleep (which they desperately needed for their own health!). When they were smaller it was fine as could lift the car seat inside but not once they outgrew that seat. I set up FaceTime (phone in car on mute so my noise inside didn’t disturbed them) and iPad inside in loud so I could hear every little noise from them and obviously view them as well. I could also see into the car from my front door but I didn’t want to stand there whole time. Car on private drive in quiet street. Slightest noise I watched them and went out as soon as they woke. To me that was no different that having them in their bedroom with a monitor. They were supervised as closely and attended to on waking just as quickly. I put fleecy blanket over in the winter so they very cosy. In summer I’d judge it and obviously wouldn’t leave them if too hot or sun shining in window (those day’s intended to drive around keeping car cold and staying in it myself). It was literally the only way I could get my DC to nap.

I wouldn’t be comfortable doing on a street I was unfamiliar with or if I didn’t have the FaceTime set up. That might by why you were feeling unsure OP. I also wouldn’t leave them in car if car was out of sight. I collected my eldest from after school club one day which involved me parking right outside school and meeting him at front door. So not going inside and had visual on car whole time. Youngest hasn’t long fallen asleep after fighting it all day and desperately needed a nap. I did feel anxious the whole time in those circumstances even though had visual on car (if not in actual sleeping child).

I suppose my point is it very much depends on circumstances. I was happy to do almost daily at home with FaceTime but less so in the school circumstances.

Not sure if anxious is the right word but what made me so, was not my decision, per se, but how others perceived it, decided it was wrong and immediately call the authorities.

If she sat in the car it wouldn't be any less risk of an accident

Strange thought process.

There'd be less risk of injury though wouldn't there.

We've left our daughter asleep in the car on the drive. One of us will video call the other, we leave 1 phone in the car facing her and take the other into the house so we can watch and hear her. Wouldn't do it on a busy road though

Absolutely never. I have a DD also 13 months and if she falls asleep in the car, even though it's parked on our driveway, I sit in there with her until she wakes up (she will wake up if I try and move her indoors). I wouldn't dream of leaving her there by herself. I get my DH to bring me out a brew and sit and read news on my phone. It's not worth the risk. So yeah your friend is out of line there.

What if another car crashed into hers and babies aren't meant to be left unsupervised in car seats.

^^ every time it crosses my mind just to nip somewhere and leave toddler in car, this image just pops up in my mind. I'll be at till paying and a car slams into mine with toddler inside

Could she see the car and her DC when she was inside? If she could then it's probably ok.
I have left mine in car on the drive , constantly checking, and outside village shop while I popped in. Don't think I would have left them sleeping in a car parked on the road while I had coffee though.
What's your road like? Big difference between quiet cul de sac or busy main road.
Chances of someone crashing into car
are very very low ,chance of abduction even smaller, more likely child would wake and become distressed if no-one there which is why clear view of car is important.
I remember my mum leaving my brother alone in pram outside shops in town centre in late 70s/ early 80s, times and social expectations what's machine change.

No I would never do this. Just bring your child with you. An accident could happen. You’re leaving your child unattended. If I saw a baby left alone in a car I would look for the parent and not just walk past. Nothing wrong with waking babies.

its no different to leaving a baby in the car when you do the shopping. you don't do it. they can overheat. all it would have taken is one call to the police by a passer by.

Nope. Wouldn't even consider it for a second. I will leave him in there whilst I open the gate and unlock back door and stair gate. After that I transfer him even if it may risk him waking up!

Why couldn’t she just text you saying “baby is asleep so I’m in the car - will be in in another 20 when she’s awake” - I’ve done that many a time. And my son is a horrific sleeper, but that doesn’t justify leaving him! I just have to delay activities until I want to wake him, or wake him if I have to do something at that time 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve left my DCs asleep in the car on driveway many times. They really wouldn’t have been happy if I’d woken them up, would likely have been grouchy and maybe cried a lot the rest of the day from overtiredness.

Also although I checked on them regularly, on the occasions that they woke up and I wasn’t there, they never became distressed, just the same as they were never distressed when they woke in their cots in their rooms after a nap.

At the end of the day you have to weigh up the (realistic) risks and decide if you’re comfortable with these sort of decisions. A lot, for me, depends also on how the baby would react if they were woken up prematurely vs woke up naturally in the car alone.