Husband let me down

[Nonstopmum9]

All week my husband has been telling me on Saturday he is getting up early and taking DD(9&10) to see his dad. I like his dad but he is hard work and I get stressed in his tiny flat with all of us there. We both work full time but he works away most of the week and I am on my own being full time mummy/maid/taxi. The chance of a few hours to myself really made me feel like he understood how exhausting it can all be. I felt he was making a big effort and I was so excited. I cleaned the whole house. Sorted all the washing. Went food shopping and took cate of everything. All so i could give myself permission to stay in bed and watch Netflix without feeling guilty. Then this morning after the children woke up he didn't get up. He played on his phone in bed. This continued as they got up and made themselves breakfast and got dressed. They were looking forward to seeing their granddad. 12pm rolls around and he has done nothing. He then tells me he is not going but will get up soon and take the children out. By this point all my plans are over. I'm gutted and just get in the shower. I am furious that he can't take cate of his own children and that I didn't get a little bit of time to myself. When I tried to explain why I was upset he said I'm getting up and will take them out now. Why are you mad? I haven't asked you for anything. Am I overreacting?

Well he didn't get up early did he. Selfish, letting you get excited about some free time then acting like he hasn't

Did he know what your plans were and n how excited you were about it? If he did, he is an arse
If he didnt know that him taking them out was anything to you, he would have been perfectly entitled to change his mind and I can see why he is confused

He’s an arsehole, pure and simple

Why can't you have a few hours to yourself later in the day?

If he took kids out now, you can have an afternoon in bed etc?

He’s happily let you down you, his two children and his dad. He’s selfish and useless.

He needs to understand that the two of you had a deal there and he's let you do your side - and more - and not done his. It's that simple.

Could you say to him, later when it's peaceful, that you knocked yourself out doing all the cleaning and shopping just so you could have that precious bit of time when he and the DC were out? That you'd ring-fenced that time for yourself alone and he didn't deliver? That you were hanging on for that simple treat and it meant a lot to you?

Why not ask him to discuss with you how both of you can work and plan so that each of you gets a reliable two or three-hour oasis in your busy weeks? It sounds as if you already guarantee that for him; surely he can do the same for you?

I think making you wait is very frustrating and unfair. Playing on his phone? Wtf is up with these phone obsessed people?! I would insist he takes them as promised, presumably his dad knew he was coming? So he’s wasted hours of everyone’s time.

Does he know he's disappointed his children ( and presumably his father too?)

He knew what my plans were and I have been asking for time to myself for a long time. He is a season holder for his sport. He has an active social life.I have an active social life but it's all involved with the children. I could have time to myself after, if he actually follows through and takes them out. By this time I have already had to deal with what they can wear, if they can have snacks and an argument over a favourite dish being used by the other sibling. While he is playing on his phone with selective hearing. The always ask me as he is not normally home or helpful. However I explained that my main stress is that every minute of every day someone needs something from me. I work with small children so don't get a break and the thing I needed most was time to get up and dressed when I wanted. Eat when I wanted. Watch what I wanted. Not to be at someone else's command. Just for a few hours.

I'd be frustrated too. Hes being very selfish.

Ugh. YANBU. I would hate to be married to someone like that. He knew exactly what he was doing. Time to yourself is so important.

DH is a season ticket holder and off now, so he got up with DS this morning so I could have a lie in.

OP, go out and leave him home with the kids. Go get coffee or a glass of wine somewhere. Take a book. See if a friend is available.

He's a selfish arse. You should have gone out yourself then and left him to it with them and not answer your mobile. Still can ... perhaps go to a friend's for the night?

I would have woken him up by 9am and insisted he take the kids to his bloody dads. YANBU. I'd be looking forward to that morning to myself and it would drive me mad him lying around fucking about on his phone.

Tell him you’re going away on .... and find a cheap hotel with a spa deal and stay over night on your own
No kids no husband just you doing what you want
Yes he could have been more thoughtful but brooding not going to help
You need a break so leave him to it

It's a sad life isn't it OP when we get so excited about a few hours to ourselves like we're away on holiday to Barbados then someone shits all over it!

Your children are 9 and 10 so I'm assuming they go to school?! I would imagine you would get enough time during the day to yourself while they are in school

Tp93, the OP said she works full time!

Are you at hime whilst they’re at school? Can you get some time to abandon the world for a few hours then and watch Netflix?

I'd be booking myself into a hotel for the evening and no he's not invited as he has to stay home with the kids and give you the proper me time that was arranged, not whatever scraps of time you get once he's decided to shift his arse into gear.

I would be cross too but I would still salvage what I can. Send them out for a minimum of 3 hours and get back into bed, and he needs to pick up dinner on his way home. And he still owes you a Saturday morning as promised.

Very selfish OP.
But I think you know that.

I feel so sorry for women stuck with men who really care for no one but themselves.

I wouldn't be able to look at him.

Unfortunately, we teach people how to treat us.
I suggest you don't get over your annoyance quickly.
I think he needs to feel the full force of how pissed off you are at his selfishness.

Would he take the kids to the grandparent's tomorrow instead?

Yep selfish, i was a bit fed up yesterday tired and a bit stressed after being stuck in the house most of the week with my 3yr old being off preschool along with my baby. 3year old had been a bit of a pain going to bed all week being up till after 9 every night meaning I've had no down time and unusually lo has been waking in the night due to a cold. Dh had been out round bedtime more this week as well as an activity he does every week was later than usual and he went out with a friend one evening. Dh had 2 activities planned for today that meant he would be out from 8 until 530 he got up this morning and said im cancelling first activity not because of you but for you go back to bed. He then sorted breakfast for them and took them out for a few hours whilst i had some sleep. He understood and appreciated that id done a lot this week and needed a break.

I agree with previous posters who say book yourself a hotel and get out of the house for 24 hours minimum and tell him he’ll have to deal with things and NOT pile it all up for when you get back. If he’s not going to respect your need for a bit of personal space then you’ll have to create it. It’s not a luxury and it’s definitely important for your sanity. Start pushing back firmly, don’t sulk, tell him what you want and what you intend to do about it and what you expect from him - don’t ask him, tell him.