Husband let me down

[Nonstopmum9]

All week my husband has been telling me on Saturday he is getting up early and taking DD(9&10) to see his dad. I like his dad but he is hard work and I get stressed in his tiny flat with all of us there. We both work full time but he works away most of the week and I am on my own being full time mummy/maid/taxi. The chance of a few hours to myself really made me feel like he understood how exhausting it can all be. I felt he was making a big effort and I was so excited. I cleaned the whole house. Sorted all the washing. Went food shopping and took cate of everything. All so i could give myself permission to stay in bed and watch Netflix without feeling guilty. Then this morning after the children woke up he didn't get up. He played on his phone in bed. This continued as they got up and made themselves breakfast and got dressed. They were looking forward to seeing their granddad. 12pm rolls around and he has done nothing. He then tells me he is not going but will get up soon and take the children out. By this point all my plans are over. I'm gutted and just get in the shower. I am furious that he can't take cate of his own children and that I didn't get a little bit of time to myself. When I tried to explain why I was upset he said I'm getting up and will take them out now. Why are you mad? I haven't asked you for anything. Am I overreacting?

Why not just ask him whether you are actually going to have to book yourself into a secret luxury location to get the break he promised? That should focus his mind...

I just find it odd - there must have been some communication with the dad: cancelling/postponing/rescheduling, no? Even if his dad is home 100% of the time and everyone's free to drop in any time and he wasn't specifically expecting them, plans were made between DH and your DDs. Once the decision was made not to go, why would he not let the girls know immediately, and you? It may be only in this one instance, but he seems to have had difficulty communicating, and/or understanding the need to communicate.

I'd be really mad OP, this was not the arrangement. He's let everyone down.

So, are you escaping a bit later?

Thank you everyone. I have booked a air b n b for next weekend and I'm going to get away. He is not happy but I have told him in order to continue to support him and our current lifestyle I need some time to re charge. I need him to show me he can be responsible with our children and home. I need him to show me that we are still in a partnership and willing to work together. Even if that means we both need some time apart every now and then. So fingers crossed it will give him a chance to show me that we can get back on track. I will try and communicate with him sooner in future before I feel I'm at breaking point. It's nice to hear that I'm not BU. Thank you for the supportive comments and ideas. It's nice to ask people who don't know us as friends/family often give one sided advice. X

Well done OP.
Not before time.
Make sure you communicate clearly with him that you expect the house to be fully maintained.

Also I would suggest you tell him that this is going to be a regular gig as you are no longer tolerating the status quo that has developed.

As a friend of mine once told her husband who was being a bit selfish... he could either step up or he could step out, as she was DONE!

Fortunately, he stepped up and they are happy together. She really meant it... and he knew it.

Enjoy your break
Did he take dd's out in the end?

No, you're not overreacting. Yet another man behaving like a child

Why is he working away? Are you content with that? Hardcore to work FT with an H working away regularly. DH and I have both avoided jobs with travel.

I would personally never be willing to facilitate my DH’s paid work to the detriment of mine, and my wellbeing.

Yes I would be really upset with this, he agreed to take them and you was looking forward to your alone time, I hope you got some peace in the end

Incredibly selfish. He has let everybody down and doesn't seem to care.

Enjoy your Airbnb weekend

And wtf to all the posters saying "cant you relax during the day when the kids are at school"?? You clearly said that you work full time.....I think it's fairly obvious that if you were sitting at home alone 5 days a week this wouldn't be an issue

He’s a selfish knob. Well done for booking your weekend away. I hope he doesn’t do anything to sabotage it.

@Nonstopmum9 YANBU.

If there is one thing I have learned about men, it's that they can't bear you having time to yourself. THEY seem to want and need plenty of it though. The big important men with their big important jobs! They poor iccles menz NEED their downtime.

You have my utmost sympathy and pity. Your DH sounds like a selfish, self-serving arsehole. Unfortunately, a LOT of men are like this. Imagine if women/mothers of school age children behaved the same. There would be a LOT of children taken into care.

How selfish , and strangely hostile behaviour. Sounds as if he was doing it deliberately, to string you along, keep you waiting in hope all morning, and then casually let you and the others down. Horrible.

Good. I hope you thoroughly enjoy it and he trips on an extension lead.

You can't turn your phone off because of the kids alas but keep.it muted.

I hope he burns his beans on toast as well.

He's selfish. Did he know you'd marked out this as much needed me time? Did you prompt him early on when he was still just sat there on his phone, because I'd have done so, then got my stuff & gone out for coffee & cake.

Good for you.
I'd be booking away days with no notice when an important footie match is on that he thinks he is going to.
He'll get the message then about plans being scuppered.

I cant believe people suggested op have her downtime while she is at work

Well done On clawing out some alone time. I hope it works out.

Make sure he knows he needs to cover chores and the like as well, not to leave them for you on return.

Well done, OP!

And make sure he does it all himself like you do so he can see what it's actually like, even if it's just for 2 nights.

Hope your enjoying your Airbnb

Let us know how your break went OP

OP, go out and leave him home with the kids. Go get coffee or a glass of wine somewhere. Take a book. See if a friend is available.

This

Don't be so passive

Stop allowing him and his selective hearing to hold sway

Next Saturday, or whenever, just go out. Do this regularly for 3 or 4 hours at a time

Dickwad will soon be so grateful that you're around, that he'll actually do what he said he would do (ie go to grandads)

Stop enabling his disrespect for you

Wow!

Look at you being a goddess! Huge kudos!

He should have done what he said he was going to do, however at 9/10 years of age I can’t understand why you can’t have a lie in at the weekend and watch Netflix occasionally, they’re not toddlers.