To be annoyed at people who do not know what food they like?

[NeedCoffeeNowRightNow]

Examples: "I don't like vinegary food" -> I make less of the food with vinegar -> Person leans heavily on the food with vinegar (instead of the food they had exlicitly said they liked)

"Oh I hate tapas!" -> no problem, I am happy to make a different meal for some (something like pasta, pizza, tandoori chicken,...) -> everybody eats the tapas, extra meal remains untouched

Now, I always make roughly 1.5x to double of what I think we'll need in terms of food. But if the people who clearly do not know their own tastes end up eating the same, it ends up in relatively small portions for everyone. Which then makes me feel bad.

I have no issue to accommodate a fuzzy eater - DH has food sensitivies and I know how difficult it can be. But why do this? Someone please explain it to me. AIBU to be annoyed?

With the veggie issue, buffets can be difficult as omnivores don't only want meat, but it's rather mean when there are alternatives that are clearly provided with veggies in mind and then omnivores take all of them (and I say that as a happy meat-eater). I'd think the same if the adults deliberately took all of the chicken nuggets and the teddy-bear shaped pizza bites and left the children with the 'adult' food that they probably wouldn't like.

However, in cases as mentioned where people order or request their food in advance, it's extremely selfish to change your mind afterwards.

We once made a meal for a group of (IIRC) 12 friends, all knew each other well, 4 of whom were vegetarians, so there was a big lasagne made with beef mince and one half the size made with Quorn mince. We made it abundantly clear that that one is the veggie one (should have been obvious by the size anyway), but two of the (staunch) meat-eaters just took it and immediately dolloped almost all of it on to their plates. They knew the numbers of omnis/veggies and that we were making two different dishes. They could very easily have said in advance that they'd prefer the veggie one this time (nothing wrong with that) so that the dish sizes could have been adjusted, but they just seemed to think that they were there to fill their boots and hadn't guessed that the other 10 people invited might want to eat as well.

Stop acting like a cafeteria when you’re inviting people over and serve everyone the same dish. Allergies aside; that’s what most people do? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe the special dish you've made isn't actually very nice. So much so that they'd rather eat the vinegary food that they don't really like?

I've been told by people they can't eat gluten, provided extra dishes and then watched them hoover up the leftover pizza I've bought for the kids.

Grrrr, yes. They make out that they're severely gluten intolerant and liable to get extremely ill if they have it (which a lot of people genuinely are), but then it turns out that they've just read something in the Daily Mail about it supposedly upsetting your natural balances and are trying to cut down a bit - unless they see something gluten-heavy that they fancy the look of, that is. They've read that eating standard bread containing wheat can leave you feeling very bloated. Well, if you have 9 big chunky slices of it then, yes, it will indeed....

Meat on buffets is usually pork. A lot of people do not eat pork.
Also if the meat option is cheap meat, I choose the veggie option.

We have a friend to stay once or twice a year and often take her out to a restaurant when she's with us. She'd made a big deal of rarely eating meat when she first visited, so on the next occasion, when we planned to take her to eat out, we made a point of going into one of our regular restaurants to discuss with them what veggie options might be available for our guest who "doesn't eat meat". They were at pains to say there would be not only options on the menu but they could also make her several 'on request' items, which they'd explain on the night.

We took her along and the Maitre D himself came to the table to take her through all the options. She ordered the lamb shank. The look on the Maitre D's face (for it was with him that we'd had this prolonged discussion previously) was priceless.

After that, we served her what the fuck we fancied cooking and took her anywhere the fuck we liked.

I know exactly what you mean op. If people are coming to my house for a meal I want them to enjoy it, so if for example they don’t like beef I would also do a chicken dish.
Unfortunately they then see everyone else having the beef dish and decide they would like some after all, drives me mad.

Definitely stop asked if your menu will be ok. You know now that they'll eat your food.
If they ask, just say I haven't decided yet.

Definitely the caterers fault about overly meaty buffets, too many times you'll find ham sandwiches, Scotch eggs, sausage rolls, pork pie and cocktail sausages which are all basically the same food, so it's not the omnivores fault if they pick up a cheese or egg sandwich or onion bhaji because they'd like to eat something other than processed pork.

Buffets should probably include at least 80% vegetarian food so there's enough for any vegetarians and also for everyone to be able to eat a varied selection. Likely to be cheaper and healthier too.

Buffets should probably include at least 80% vegetarian food so there's enough for any vegetarians and also for everyone to be able to eat a varied selection.

absolutely

"Meat eaters" are omnivore, we don't eat meat exclusively. Why on earth should I stay away from non-meat dishes on a buffet? Unless it's clearly labelled: "reserved for vegetarians", it's as much a fair choice as the meat.

I can't think of a single meal where anyone would eat meat - or meat dish only.

I was vegan before I met DH (again, who has food sensitivities that often leave him with nothing but meat - we found a balance, both omni now). Happy to take anyone's restrictions into account - also not above ordering in kosher food or anything else I am not good at. I have friend who cannot even look at honey without starting to feel sick because a nursery teacher once made her finish a slice of bread with honey against her will. I totally get why some people are fussy eaters (no idea why my brain went for fuzzy instead but I am amused, too!) - and that besides havin been firmly in the "it is the parents' fault" camp until I met DH and realised how limiting this can be.

I would just like to know why they tell me they want A and then go for B. We have another guest like this over tonight and am "risking it" to just not check with them. Curious how it will go.

No idea why anyone would hate tapas BUT when I was vegan/veggie, there was a limited selection that left me mostly empty. An empty stomach and wine don't match well - it was a whole new world when I started to eat meat again.

I'm an omnivore but I'm fussy about the meat I eat. Easy solution is to specify and eat veggie when going anywhere. Then there's no guilt at using up the veggie food. I have occasionally regretted when I've seen the meat eater option on the night but tough luck to me.

I once told a friend I don't like lamb...just before she pulled tajine out of the oven. I scoffed two servings and now love lamb tajine. I was served risotto by another friend. Always something I've detested. Hers was incredible. I'll try anything I'm served if there's no alternative based on the lessons learned above. Perhaps as someone else suggested, just serve one main and make sure there's extra bread/ salad?

When they're coming over, one of us will check-in with them, something like "we we're thinking of doing tapas - does that sound okay?"

I would just stop doing that, tbh. Just cook what you want to and make enough for everyone. I think you're making life more difficult for yourself, and obviously it's even more annoying when people don't appreciate the extra effort.

I have never asked or been asked about the menu or my food preferences when I am with friends, or anyone. Do people really do that?

People with genuine allergy will let you know, I have checked with kids.

Unless you have a valid medical reason, you eat what you are given, who is rude enough to refuse to eat something because they don't like it? Or are on a faddy diet?

I hate tapas, not because of the individual dishes, but because I tend to get indigestion from having too many picky different dishes.

Also I hate having to bargain with DH/others about what may or may not be in the selection!

I hate this too!

I also get this at events I organize. You ask people whether they have dietary needs, they say yes, So you get a special meal and they either turn up and eat the other stuff (which means I'm now short) or they just don't bother to turn up.

As someone who is allergic to celery, I always mention it. But I always ask, as other people do forget and would prefer not to cook something that someone really doesn't like. But it does annoy me when they then ignore their own request. Fortunately, most of my friends are either vegans or not allergic to anything.

I also don't cook 2 meals. Everyone gets the same.

I particularly enjoy people who can’t eat anything with gluten in until it comes to dessert.

@VickyEadieofThigh

She ordered the lamb shank. The look on the Maitre D's face (for it was with him that we'd had this prolonged discussion previously) was priceless.

I think you were in the wrong here. She said she rarely eats meat, not that she was veggie. You were the one who decided that rarely eating meat means veggie. Maybe she likes to reserve meat as a special treat, and if something on the menu appeals, why wouldn’t she order it?

I rarely eat creme brûlée but if I see it on the menu, I will always order it.

I also get this at events I organize. You ask people whether they have dietary needs, they say yes, So you get a special meal and they either turn up and eat the other stuff (which means I'm now short) or they just don't bother to turn up.

I sometimes think some selfish people do this to keep their options open. Maybe they think a 'special' order will be cooked or prepared more freshly or contain better quality ingredients that are financially sustainable for a few special meals but wouldn't be for hundreds of standard meals.

Some probably just do it because they like the attention of being 'different'. Some are so self-absorbed and entitled that they actually think everybody will be proud of them and cheering them along if it turns out they can manage the standard meal after all. It wouldn't occur to them that others couldn't actually care less about that, but they are annoyed that they think it their right to take somebody else's order on a whim.

I follow a halal diet, if that is not available I can only eat the vegetarian options. I had to go to an area meeting after I finished work, got there on time but all the vegetarian options in the buffet were gone by the time I go there and no more were forthcoming. I stayed for the compulsory part of the meeting and then left to go get my dinner. There is no reason meat eaters can6eat vegetarian options at a buffet but when they are few a and far between a bit of consideration for others would be nice.

You sound like a lovely host but beyond asking about allergies I would make what you like.

Fatal mistake asking what people would like first! You'll never make everyone happy & there will be all sorts of weird & picky eating habits at play. And some will see it as implicit permission to walk all over you. Do one main, one veggie option , end of.

My DD dislikes tapas, not because she dislikes the food (she eats anything) but because she has a thing about everyone dipping in and sharing. If she doesn’t have her own stuff on her own plate she gets a bit anxious.

Dipping and sharing. Ugh!