To expect other peoples children to tidy away toys when they visit?

[Firefox]

It's just that my playroom always looks like a bombsite afterwards! Often my friends will just leave with their children with no attempt to even put away just one of the toys.

I always make a point when I visit friends houses that before I leave I make sure my children all help to tidy away the toys - however this never seems to be reciprocated at my house.

So what is the norm? I am interested to know AIBU and should I grin and bear this as being all part of the host?

the norm is to tel them ALL 25 mins before they leave to tidy up.

kids arn't psychic - and like most of us - would rather not do it if at all poss.

Nope I tidy up by myself, or possibly with ds & dd (8 and 6) after friends have gone. I think the free-for-all is sort of fun.

Also - in our house everything has a place & I quite like to see that things go back where they belong. Sort of same point as Cod makes re a 4yo tidying up - it's more of a drag turning out boxes which have had a miscellany plus random biscuit crumbs hurriedly crammed into them.

Also means I can track down the precious rabbit or whatever which playmate has left behind.

My feeling is that I would rather my guests had a fun time and wanted to come back again than have to do chores at the end of the play date. I always offer to help to tidy up (if I'm at someone else's), and if dd's join in I'll give them lots of praise, but to ask someone else's child to help, no.

And I second Cod, I'd rather they bugger off quickly when it's time to go (hate porch talk) and let me get everything sorted my way (but then I am a bit anal about such things)

On the other hand I think I do tidy up at other people's houses, probably in an annoying hovering they've finished with the felt tips I'd probably better put them in the pack sort of way. No doubt other mother is biting tongue to say Stop It.

I always find it's more work to repair the 'tidying' that's done by other kids - in my immediate circle of friends, we have an agreement - "my house, my mess" - then you don't have people flying around lobbing lego in the train set basket, or cramming jigsaw pieces in the dressing up box, etc.

That way, we all have a clean conscience about it - if we go to each others, we can leave without lifting a finger, but we each take a turn....it's the kind of thing you actually have to have talked about though, maybe I'm just lucky to have a bunch of similarly minded mates, I wouldn't be impressed if I was the only one with that policy

In the twenty minutes it took me to type that, with interruptions, I see my point has been covered more eloquently!

Will try harder next time

I kind of do a bit of both, i encourage my 4yr old to try to tidy up correctly (ie right things in the right places) with my help. I expect alot more of dd1 who is 6 nearly 7. She has to tidy up independently and i will check if its done properly when she says shes finished. With regards to visiting friends - i always try to get them to help out. Its not fair for dd1&2 to have to tidy up by themselves. I find its plainly obvious which visiting friends are used to tidying up (in their own homes) and those that are not. But i insist they help. It also helps with them preparing for the idea that they will soon be going home if i say, ok its tidy up time. For those that are not used to it and are a bit troublesome to get them to do even a little tidying, i might give a sticker or a small (very small) prize.
Even though i have always made my 2 make efforts at home - they dont always do it at others houses unless asked or made to, which is a bit naughty of them really.

Depends on age of child and how well you know the family.

When DD (5) has friends round towards the end of the playdate and/or before food type I will tend to shout up a 5 minute tidy up warning. I don't expect it spotless, just to havehad a go. If end of playdate is rushed, then it mightnot get donw - in that case I help DD tidy up.

If DD is at a friend's house and I am there, I will ask her to go and make a start at tidying up before we go, but I tend to follow the other parent's lead TBH. If I am not there, DD knows in advance I;d like her to help tidy. Whether she does or not I have no idea!

With some close friends we don't always bother tidying up every time. Depends on circumstances at the time.

However, your house and your rules. If you want the children to help tidy - tell them!

Or, if you aren't bothered by a full tidy away - tell them they each have to put away as many toys as they are years old. So 5 year old picks up 5 items and puts away, 8 year old 8 items, two year old two items etc.

i get so depressed by this, a couple of dd friends really trash my house, i now close stair gates to keep mess to one area. i do now ask them to tidy before they go, most mums i know dont offer. just thaught, everyone comes to mine, i very rerely go to theres, evryone suggests mine, am i soft?

I always expect my DD to clear up after herself, but she knows when she's finished playing with one toy she puts it back then gets another one.
Most of my friends DC are the same

Hula - Going by the age yardstick probably explains why at 42 I do most of the tidying up round here

It's the rule on our estate that they always tidy up wherever they are before they leave. It teaches them good lessons for later on in life.

If we find that they haven't tidied up, they've disappeared and it is getting late - then a quick phone call to the other parents brings them all back to tidy up.

We all have the same views on this so they do the same to us too.

Most times they do tidy it up themselves because they have learned the behaviour.

Of course - it still needs a good 'adult' tidy once a week cos a kids version of what tidy actually is can be somewhat lacking - but we understand that.

You phone the parents to bring the children back to tidy up?!

i don't think it's unreasonable to say its tidy up time now 5 mins before they go - or when mum/dad comes to pick up and you have a coffee while the kids tidy up quickly. Its only the gesture really, isn't it?

I hate it when we're the only ones tidying up at the end of a play session (eg Messy Play or One o clock club). So rude to expect Someone Else to do it all - and what does it teach your child?

TinyGang - lol, yes. if I am involved and have suggested the rule I head for Polly Pocket or Sylvanian Family wink]

When I invite over for a playdate I do not expect them to tidy up. I invite them over to play not to tidy!! How boring from a child's point of view.

I do offer to help tidy up when my children have been at other people's houses but the offer has never been accepted, and I would never myself accept such an offer. We know where the toys go and it is so much easier to just drop your tired children in front of a dvd and do it yourself, or you plonk all of you in front of dvd, and tidy it all up tomorrow.

That does not make my children rude or unable to tidy up after themselves. They do normally tidy up after themselves, but not when they are tired after a playdate.

I don't like it when people start tidyign tbh.. I prefer to do it myself when they have gone.

Especially when everyone has had enough of each other and it is really time to leave.

I guess I offer to help or ask DD to help but the offer is usually politely refused.

DDs friends/parents usually attempt a tidy up but I tell them to leave and I'll do it when they've gone then dds usually help me.

I usually offer in somebody elses house but the offer isn;t usually taken up.

People usually put things in the wrong places so you end up doing it again later. I kind of prepare that when dds friends come to play there may be 15 mins or so of tidying up afterwards - no big deal.

When I collect my child I always offer to help tidy up but no one says yes. Nobody has offered to tidy up when they collect kids from me. We've always thought the host does it.
Agree with others who say visitors always put things in the wrong place anyway.

I absolutely agree that visiting kids should tidy up after themselves. Although I have a confession...I always insisted that my children clean up after themselves when visiting others in particular my friends house. I now realise that she lets her kids thrash my playroom (I MEAN REALLY WRECK THE PLACE) and leave without helping to tidy or even batting an eyelid so I let my kids thrash hers and walk away. Really mean I know but I got browned off!

i have always had a rule. I don't expect my freinds to tidy and I don't tidy at theirs.

Firstly very jealous of all you who have play rooms!!

UANBU I was get the children to tidy up if downstairs before they can get something else out they tidy it away, and if up stairs I shoutup to tidy up the next time I call (giving a warning really).

But I am a childminder and most of the children from about 16-18 months will put in a token gesture toy in the boox to put away it doesn't hurt them at all!!

I always get my children to tidy up when they go round friends too!! Although one of my friends dd has a tv in her room so they watch a dvd up stair and all cuddle up on her bed lol 3,4,5 btw!!

So following the same principle, do you all expect your adult guests to wash up and put the bins out if they come round for a meal??