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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect other peoples children to tidy away toys when they visit?

53 replies

Firefox · 04/09/2007 22:51

It's just that my playroom always looks like a bombsite afterwards! Often my friends will just leave with their children with no attempt to even put away just one of the toys.

I always make a point when I visit friends houses that before I leave I make sure my children all help to tidy away the toys - however this never seems to be reciprocated at my house.

So what is the norm? I am interested to know AIBU and should I grin and bear this as being all part of the host?

OP posts:

SNOWBall4girlz · 04/09/2007 22:53

none of my play dates has helped but then maybe i am too soft lol

alycat · 04/09/2007 22:54

One of DDs friends will no longer come here because I ask them to hang up all the dressing up clothes afterwards - we have a double rail (I'm a costume mistress) and one time they were all on the floor.

I always help pick up when visiting.

haychee · 04/09/2007 23:05

What age children are you discussing?

dinny · 04/09/2007 23:07

grin and bear it - I always ignore the totally trashed house till after bedtime.

Spidermama · 04/09/2007 23:08

How old?
I prefer to get rid of them then tidy up myself.

Original poster

Firefox · 04/09/2007 23:14

Children of mine and those who visit range between 8yrs and 1yr. I don't expect younger ones to tidy up but the older ones (by this I mean 5yrs upwards) I do expect them to participate in a tidy up at the end!

OP posts:

Aefondkiss · 04/09/2007 23:18

I agree with spidermama, but i do try and help, and encourage my dc to help tbh

I don't think you are being unreasonable - does that help?

alycat · 04/09/2007 23:21

My DD is 7 (nearly 8) so her pals are around the same age. I don't expect an Anthea style tidy up, but a token hang up of a few costumes when you cant walk across the floor for satin/sequins id not too much to ask imho.

showbiz · 04/09/2007 23:22

i always tell my children to help tidy toys away at friends homes, and like you i found this didn't happen when i was hosting. i now don't worry too much about it. depending on who is here i might make tidy up time a bribe for a treat!

Desiderata · 04/09/2007 23:27

Well, mine isn't quite old enough for that yet, but I would certainly expect a child of mine to tidy up after themselves in someone else's home ... although it's sometimes asking a bit much to expect it in his own!

I think, Firefox, that you should just settle for the moral high ground here. It's enough to know that your kids would tidy up after a play date in someone else's home. Hopefully, your dc's friends will come to lead by example?

Original poster

Firefox · 04/09/2007 23:27

I don't expect an Anthea style tidy up either - but I often think it would be nice to see at least a small effort by the kids to at least put a couple of things away. At the end of a visit practically every toy is out all over the floors in my house and in the garden.

OP posts:

TinyGang · 04/09/2007 23:28

I don't ask them to, but I expect dc to tidy it all up, as it was their guests.

By the time the house has been ransacked, I just want them to go asap so I can try and restore some sanity to the place.

I really don't enjoy playdates if I'm honest and do them with gritted teeth on the whole. I hate the mess and the chaos and the fact that I have to smile indulgently through it.

I know...bah humbug and all that.

LittleBella · 04/09/2007 23:31

God yes, totally unreasonable. Possibly.

My DC's won't tidy up without me ranting at htem. If you want playdates to tidy up, you have to say so, otherwise it simply won't occur to them. Do you say at the end "OK we're tidying away now"? If you do and they then say no, then YANBU. Otherwise, you are!

handlemecarefully · 04/09/2007 23:41

Agree - you need to ask the children to help with tidying up. Wouldn't expect it to occur to them otherwise

soapbox · 04/09/2007 23:49

I always ask now that they are a bit older and more capable

Usually friends stay for tea and go home soon afterwards, so I ask them to tidy everything away about 10mins before tea is ready - then ask them to lay the table and pour the drinks (make mine a large G&T)

Original poster

Firefox · 05/09/2007 10:44

I often find when I have children to play without their parents then a request for a tidy up before they leave often meets with little resistance.

However when my friends and their children come over, I find that my friends will rarely ask their children to tidy up after they leave. I must admit in this situation I don't know whether it is reasonable for me to ask for a tidy up session, or to accept this as the norm.

OP posts:

LaCod · 05/09/2007 10:45

GOD NO
you haev to do it

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 05/09/2007 10:48

with older children, if insturcted to help tidy away i would expect them to do it (or at least create a path through the middle, ala my friends dd) but if they were younger/you hadnt told them to then id say yabu.

MrsPuddleduck · 05/09/2007 10:50

This makes me mad too. I always insist that my children tidy up and have been know to ask others to do the same.

I once told my nephew that he could only have something out of the cupboard if he put away what he was playing with first.

You can't play with two things at the same time so I think it is completely reasonable.

When we have parties etc I actually put a selection of toys in one part of the cupboard to suit all children and then tie string around the other doors to stop the kids having a "free for all"

God, aren't I miserable!!!

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 05/09/2007 10:51

not miserable just sensible by the sounds of it! i let them free for all and then end up tidying with a glass of wine in one hand thinking 'why oh why' (but i have no storage options so all toys are accessible!

niceglasses · 05/09/2007 10:53

Probably just one of those grey areas more down to personal choice. No biggie I would have thought.

Personally I spend my whole day tidying already so a few more ain't goona hurt - so I don't mind nor do I insist. But then, I think I too am a bit of a soft touch.

LaCod · 05/09/2007 10:54

i dont wanta 4 year odl tifdyign up

KTeePee · 05/09/2007 10:57

In my house there is absolutely no point in tidying up the playroom until the end of the day so, no, I don't expect the ds's friends to help tidy up. If dd had friends around and they had made a mess in her bedroom I might suggest they do some tidying up (if I'd spotted it before they went home)

SixKindsofCrisis · 05/09/2007 10:57

I tend to tell my kids that they have to tidy up the mess their friends leave when they visit. All part of learning to be a host. I don't expect adult guests to tidy up after themselves, so wouldn't really expect kids to.

(Sadly, the reality is that I do all the tidying myself, or just leave the room messy )

EmsMum · 05/09/2007 11:01

It has been known for visiting friends to tidy DD's room before they start playing, to clear some space amid the chaos

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