AIBU to beg for c section at 37wks??

[WatchingFriendsOnRepeat]

I've posted this on the childbirth section too but I'm also posting here on AIBU because I know it gets much more traffic and I'm desperate.

I'm at the end of my tether after a horrific pregnancy that just keeps getting worse and I'm praying that they will let me have my baby soon...

I am 35wks (36 on Tuesday) with my second child. Have been hospitalised due to severe hyperemesis throughout the pregnancy, tore 2 holes in my abdominal muscle wall from the violent vomiting and I'm still sick. Sickness medication worked for a few days but now nothing works and tried various ones.

At Xmas I caught the flu and was hospitalised again. It was horrific and the care I received was so bad that I've actually changed hospitals (but that's a different story - only adding that to show the added stress). The hospital nearly killed me and baby. I'm now booked in with a far superior hospital that is well known for its maternity unit and so far they have been amazing, although they are at least 30mins away when there is no traffic so I'm praying I don't go into labour and get stuck in traffic!

Since having flu I haven't shaken the mucus cough and blocked sinuses so am constantly blowing my nose and having coughing fits, which is also triggering nosebleeds and even more vomiting!

Last week I cracked 2 ribs during a coughing fit and now am in so much pain that today I had a mini mental breakdown and couldn't stop crying - which only added to the pain in my ribs, and the mucus and snot and coughing, which kills each time I sniff or cough or blow my nose! (Sorry, TMI!)

My parents live next door so have taken my 4yo over to theirs with them. I have no partner/"baby daddy" because he left when I was 19weeks pregnant and I've not heard from him since half term in October (since found out he is living with a young 20yr old girl that he was having an affair with - my neighbour's daughter!). I have been on anti depressants since miscarrying my little girl in 2018 at 20wks due to Edwards syndrome and I'm in no way ready to come off of them. I have chronic fatigue/ME, fibromyalgia and stress triggered epilepsy (and the stress is just mounting and mounting despite me deep breathing and trying so hard to keep a lid on things).

I'm just so low and in such a dark place. I've not had a second to enjoy this pregnancy and I just want it over with now. I want to hold my baby and finally have some joy. I want to feel love, not resentment - something I'm desperately trying to fight off!!!! I want my body to finally rebuild its immune system and start healing.

I am booked in for a c section on the 16th March. I will be a day shy of 39 weeks then. That is 3 weeks on Monday. I'm seeing the surgeon on Tuesday to sign paperwork and I really want to beg him to take the baby out the day I turn 37weeks. What is the likelihood of that being allowed, considering my mental health??? What is the likelihood of there being anything wrong with the baby if he comes out at 37wks? It's full term isn't it? So it should be ok, no? Will my milk still come in? Will I still be able to breastfeed?

Has anyone any experience or knowledge of mental health deterioration being a good enough reason to deliver a baby at 37wks?

I am desperate and anyone that can see me, knows that. I don't want to harm the baby and I know him staying inside me as long as possible is obviously best, but if it won't harm him, it will be best for both of us if my mental health is under control, surely?!

Thanks for taking the time to read - I know it's long!!!!!!

of course you're not being unreasonable you poor thing. I hope you have a sympathetic consultant and get to hold your baby very soon

I honestly don't know OP you have had a terrible time of it that's for sure. I think all you can do is explain all of the above to the consultant and see what they say on Tuesday. In these situations I think the worst they can do is say no. Good luck x

I'm honestly not sure but they don't usually do c-sections earlier than 39 weeks in my local trust; they told me this is because earlier than this is risky for baby's lungs. It sounds like you've had a truly horrendous time though so hoping the next 3 weeks go speedily for you if they won't deliver earlier. Good luck

They won't do it at 37 weeks unless absolutely necessary. Honestly I know it's been miserable but you Have done so so so well it's only another 2 weeks. You can do it.

I had my first at 36+6 by emergency c-section; nothing wrong with him except he spent the night on cpap and antibiotics as a precaution, and he was tiny (under 5lb). My milk came in just fine.

In my experience though, doctors will try and keep the baby gestating for as long as reasonably possible. I had gestational diabetes, kidney stones and a few other issues at 37 weeks with my second and I was under a specialist midwife for my mental health; when I enquired about pushing the induction (I tried for VBAC but ended up with another c-section) earlier than 39 weeks, they told me they were happy to admit me to the antenatal ward and monitor me but unless there was a really good medical reason, they wouldn't move the date. I didn't want to be hospitalised again so I didn't push the matter, but if it's important to you, it's worth asking.

I have no idea what they will or won’t do but have you joined the hyperemesis support group on facebook?

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and hope you have a baby in your arms soon.

Oh sweet, I'm so sorry your going through this, I know exactly how you feel. My pregnancy was very similar and they refused point blank. I actually spent very nearly the entire time in hospital from 36 weeks because of HG.
They did however agree to a sweep at 37 weeks which kick started things off for me.
Stay strong lovely, your so close now.

I’ve had c sections at 36 and 38 weeks for HG my next one will be 37-38!weeks
36 week we was v poorly even with the steroids so if they agree I sit you have the injections

A friend of mine was induced at 36 weeks due to a previous stillbirth at that stage. She didn’t have to fight for it, I actually think they suggested it so they definitely will do them if they deem it medically necessary. You may have to have a cry and make it clear just how miserable the past few months have been, hopefully the consultant is understanding.

I had a very high risk pregnancy and assumed I’d have a C section at 37 weeks, but my consultant said they tried to avoid doing sections until 39wks for the lung reasons a PP gave. She stressed to me how important those last couple of weeks were.

I sympathise with you a lot but you’re so close now and have been through so much. Perhaps talk to your Ob and see if there’s anything else that can be done to help you get through these last few days. I know it must seem an age away to you, but you really are very close now.

Cs at 37 has risks.

Read up before your appointment.

Thank you all for replying. I know it will be a mixed bag of opinions and experience so I will take it all on board.

I am just scared for my mental health, which has been wobbly throughout this pregnancy for all the reasons mentioned above, and for my physical health which will greatly tumble if I start having seizures because of the stress my body and brain is under. Once I start having seizures it's game over for me for a few weeks, even months, until my body physically stops reacting to the stress/cortisol. I end up having 10 seizures a day and I have so much to lose if I start having seizures again.

Last time I had them was the day I left my now exH!

Even during the time I lost my daughter to Edwards syndrome, I meditated and kept as calm as possible (with medication) and managed to grieve without seizures. But I'm feeling like it's been going on for so long now, one thing after another, that I'm starting to lose my grip. I don't mean I'm going to have a mental breakdown, just I feel my body physically can't handle much more and is showing signs that I have seen before, that mean seizures are next if I don't get a handle on things.

I've had massive flare ups of fibromyalgia and ME during this pregnancy (which now won't calm down until everything else is calm again) so the only thing left is my epilepsy...

PPs are right - I can only ask and they can say yes or no. It's not like I can do anything about it if they say no. As long as the baby is healthy and safe I will be clinging onto that and doing my best to stay positive. Just my mini-meltdown earlier really scared me.

They will absolutely not carry out a caesarean any earlier than 39 weeks, unless it’s an emergency c-section.
I say this from bitter experience, suffering extreme mental health issues during my last pregnancy, and felt very much the same as you regarding earlier delivery. I asked repeatedly for an earlier delivery, but the clinicians did not, and could not, agree. I was lucky enough however to be referred to a brilliant perinatal mental health unit. They got me through the last few weeks.

I had a c section at 37 weeks (as maternal request) and had steroids beforehand. Good luck when you see the consultant and I hope you can get your date brought forward.

OP, as the previous poster said there is very little chance of the doctor agreeing to an early delivery. If your baby were to be really poorly due to the early delivery your stress and health would suffer even more.

However you absolutely should be asking for support from your perinatal MH midwife and your GP. Accept all help from your parents and find a way to get through the last few days in any way that you can. Try to revisit all the coping strategies that you already have and keep your eyes on the prize.

37 is only just term. You can ask though and they can assess if it is right for you.

I am sorry it has been so hard for you. Everyone is different, every mother is different and every baby is different. I had twins by emergency c section at 36 weeks and 4 days. My daughter was ok but my son had to go into special care to have help with breathing - this was despite me been given steroids at 28 weeks due to a high risk of a premature birth. Feeding wise, I thought I had to demand feed but my daughter stayed sleeping so I left her sleeping. After 4 hours the nurse freaked out and said my daughter was sleeping because she was premature and too tired to wake up and I had to wake her every 2 hours to feed her. She was born about 5 pounds but dropped to 4.5 pounds. When my son came out of the special unit he could not with out how to suck on a bottle so I had to feed him with a sringe. He could not get his tongue to work properly so it would take me an hour to get him to take a little bit of colustrum. My milk did not come in straight away because I had not gone into labour and because I had not gone into labour my stomach did not start to shrink after birth. My son’s feeding problems continued for years. Specialist explained babies develop much more quickly in the womb than outside the womb.
If you really can’t cope and the specialist agrees a baby at 37 weeks is likely to be ok. But you could be expected to work even harder on even less sleep to sort out any minor issues like my son had. Good luck.

They will absolutely not carry out a caesarean any earlier than 39 weeks

Well clearly this isn’t true (see above comments).

Op, I’m having a scheduled section at 38wks very soon. I also know someone who had her babies at the same hospital at 36/37wks so do talk to your consultant, consider all risks but discuss in depth so you know their reasons if they say it’s not a good idea.

I'm sorry I can't answer your question with regards to whether mental health is a reason for an early CS. But your situation sounds awful and you really need to discuss this with a consultant asap.

However I was due to have a CS at 38 weeks (due to polyhydramnios) so had steroid injections at 35 weeks. They then brought the CS forward to bang on 37 weeks. They wouldn't do it a single day before as then the baby would then be classed as premature.

Also, when my DS was born by CS at 37 weeks, she weighed 7lbs 4oz and was perfectly healthy.

I would emphasise the risk of seizures as that would impact the baby as well as you. I’d go with that angle rather than mental health. Discuss it with the Consultant. You can ask. They can go through the pros and cons with you. Do you have an epilepsy Consultant or specialist nurse who might support the request?

I had an elective c-section at 37+4 in my second pregnancy due to low PAPP-A, which increases the chances of low birth weight (although growth scans were fine) or premature birth. I also had HELLP syndrome in my first pregnancy so they didn't want to risk it any longer in case I developed pre-eclampsia. So an earlier c-section was purely precautionary and at their suggestion not mine. I had two steroid injections in the lead up and DD was born weighing 6lb 3oz and we were both discharged the next day. So it can be done and baby can be fine, but I know they do prefer to do it as close to your due date as possible.

Thank you. The positive outcomes of people who have experienced either similar to what I'm going through or had early deliveries for whatever other reasons certainly make me feel a bit better about just asking the consultant when I see him on Tuesday. He does seem to listen to me and I have had quite a good experience with him so far, so even if he says no I will trust him and his reasons - he is the head/chief of obstetrics for the trust too so I know he will know what is best for both me and the baby. I also know he will explain his reasons why (if the answer is no) so that I'm not left with any doubts.

The more negative experiences people have had, be them delivering babies that have had to have extra help or not being allowed to deliver early, are definitely helping too, so please don't think I'm only reading the answers I want to hear. I need to know every possible outcome, from experiences from people who have lived it and not just what I find on google.

Thank you to all the replies so far x

I’m sorry to hear about your little girl dying from Edward’s syndrome. The main reason I was allowed to have an elective c section at 37 weeks (or 36 weeks if I had wanted) was because I had previously gone through a neonatal death. I think once you’ve had a baby die, consultants are much more understanding and kinder.

Do you have anyone from the perinatal MH team or maternity MH team that can go with you to your appointment? You shouldn’t have to but I often find having someone else who can advocate on your behalf can make a big difference.

A neonatologist told me that there is minimal difference between a 39 week c section and 37 week one with steroids in terms of breathing. My 37 weeker with steroids had no breathing or temperature issues at all, just mild jaundice that didn’t need treatment.

Another option might be that they admit you to hospital if they think you are too ill to cope at home.