AIBU to beg for c section at 37wks??

[WatchingFriendsOnRepeat]

I've posted this on the childbirth section too but I'm also posting here on AIBU because I know it gets much more traffic and I'm desperate.

I'm at the end of my tether after a horrific pregnancy that just keeps getting worse and I'm praying that they will let me have my baby soon...

I am 35wks (36 on Tuesday) with my second child. Have been hospitalised due to severe hyperemesis throughout the pregnancy, tore 2 holes in my abdominal muscle wall from the violent vomiting and I'm still sick. Sickness medication worked for a few days but now nothing works and tried various ones.

At Xmas I caught the flu and was hospitalised again. It was horrific and the care I received was so bad that I've actually changed hospitals (but that's a different story - only adding that to show the added stress). The hospital nearly killed me and baby. I'm now booked in with a far superior hospital that is well known for its maternity unit and so far they have been amazing, although they are at least 30mins away when there is no traffic so I'm praying I don't go into labour and get stuck in traffic!

Since having flu I haven't shaken the mucus cough and blocked sinuses so am constantly blowing my nose and having coughing fits, which is also triggering nosebleeds and even more vomiting!

Last week I cracked 2 ribs during a coughing fit and now am in so much pain that today I had a mini mental breakdown and couldn't stop crying - which only added to the pain in my ribs, and the mucus and snot and coughing, which kills each time I sniff or cough or blow my nose! (Sorry, TMI!)

My parents live next door so have taken my 4yo over to theirs with them. I have no partner/"baby daddy" because he left when I was 19weeks pregnant and I've not heard from him since half term in October (since found out he is living with a young 20yr old girl that he was having an affair with - my neighbour's daughter!). I have been on anti depressants since miscarrying my little girl in 2018 at 20wks due to Edwards syndrome and I'm in no way ready to come off of them. I have chronic fatigue/ME, fibromyalgia and stress triggered epilepsy (and the stress is just mounting and mounting despite me deep breathing and trying so hard to keep a lid on things).

I'm just so low and in such a dark place. I've not had a second to enjoy this pregnancy and I just want it over with now. I want to hold my baby and finally have some joy. I want to feel love, not resentment - something I'm desperately trying to fight off!!!! I want my body to finally rebuild its immune system and start healing.

I am booked in for a c section on the 16th March. I will be a day shy of 39 weeks then. That is 3 weeks on Monday. I'm seeing the surgeon on Tuesday to sign paperwork and I really want to beg him to take the baby out the day I turn 37weeks. What is the likelihood of that being allowed, considering my mental health??? What is the likelihood of there being anything wrong with the baby if he comes out at 37wks? It's full term isn't it? So it should be ok, no? Will my milk still come in? Will I still be able to breastfeed?

Has anyone any experience or knowledge of mental health deterioration being a good enough reason to deliver a baby at 37wks?

I am desperate and anyone that can see me, knows that. I don't want to harm the baby and I know him staying inside me as long as possible is obviously best, but if it won't harm him, it will be best for both of us if my mental health is under control, surely?!

Thanks for taking the time to read - I know it's long!!!!!!

Do you need to have a c section as inductions from 37 weeks often don’t have the same difficulties to be obtained?

Depends on the consultant. I was always a problem patient while pregnant, and they offered to csection from 37 weeks if I wanted to.

@WinterCat unfortunately I need to have a c section because of the torn muscles in my abdomen. I had an emergency c section with my first so it was always an option this time, but I planned (and really wanted) to have a VBAC throughout this pregnancy - that is, until my muscles ripped at Xmas. They haven't been able to heal because they keep re-tearing as my bump grows and the doctors and I fear won't be able to handle the contractions, let alone push! Now I've broken my ribs, there is absolutely no chance I could push. I can't even push to blow my nose without screaming - and I need to blow my nose every 5 minutes because I still have the sinus problems and cough left over from the flu at Xmas.

I have fibromyalgia, which is basically a chronic pain syndrome. Any pain any normal person feels is a million times worse for someone with fibromyalgia, especially during a flare up, and this pregnancy has flared it up worse than ever. It also distorts my ability to know when something is wrong - I have no choice but to "handle" my pain, even when it is at its worst, so I'm not sure what is "normal" pain and what is fibromyalgia pain (for example, sometimes just gently tickling my inner arm or back can make me scream out in pain, or brushing my hair). This means I can sometimes miss something serious because I actually end up minimising the pain and not bringing it to someone's attention.

When I was 19wks with my first son, I was in excruciating pain. I went to the hospital but kept saying "it's probably nothing, it's probably just my fibromyalgia" and downplayed it all a lot so they didn't take it seriously either and didn't send me for the right tests or scans. I nearly lost him because my appendix became gangrenous and burst on the operating table. I promised myself I will never endanger my baby/babies' life like that again. If I'm feeling something I need to act on it just to make sure. Better be safe than sorry.

In this case, now, the consultant completely agrees that, for my safety and the baby's, I need a c section.

I don't think you're being unreasonable after all you're going through. Have a chat to him at your appointment, he might agree.

@Sindragosan can I ask why you were a "problem?" Was it a bit like me, in so far as always something going wrong, one thing after another?! X

It's unlikely they would deliver you at that gestation. Plus, if your chest is that bad, you're at increased risk of anaesthetic complications if your spinal doesn't work and they need to convert to a general anaesthetic.

Sorry OP. I feel for you.

I have fibromyalgia (along with SLC, Sjogren’s, Raynald’s and RA) so I completely understand the pain aspect caused. I just wondered whether opting for a different birth might have made it easier for you to have an earlier date agreed. As I said in my other posts though, I did get to have an elective c section at 37 weeks (and I was offered from 36 weeks) so I hope you get an earlier date agreed.

I had an elective C-section at 37 weeks, primarily for mental health reasons following a really tough pregnancy. The doctor's initially refused but I had a crisis meeting with my community midwife and she requested it - I was so desperate and starting to have some really scary and worrying thoughts. Not quite suicidal, but definitely a lot of thoughts about how to speed up the end of the pregnancy

I was admitted for steroid injections (I had gestational diabetes so had to be monitored), and then had the section 2 days later.

One thing that definitely helped was that I had several growth scans suggesting that I was having a big baby, that seemed to reassure the consultant. He was absolutely perfect, cried straight away and no signs of any issues

Oh I see @WinterCat - sorry! You definitely know where I'm coming from then and didn't need the full explanation of what it was lol 🙈 I wouldn't wish this on anyone but it is refreshing to know I'm not alone. I, however, have no idea what the other things you have are?? Doesn't sound good though. Were they all factors as to why you delivered earlier?

They are all auto immune conditions (lupus and rheumatoid arthritis are the two you are more likely to have heard of) but in general much like fibromyalgia they make me tired and sore. No, they weren’t factors. I was permitted an early c section due to a previous neonatal death.

Can you take decongestants for your sinus problems?

I had 2 elective sections at 35 and 37 weeks, but that was down to both mine and babies health issues
Steroids in advance to help with immature lungs
35 week DS was 6lb 5oz
37 week DD was 6lb 7oz
Neither needed sbcu although DS was jaundiced for first week
Now 26 and 28 with no ill effects

I’ve just had a c section at 37 weeks, due to Dd being small (4lbs 13oz) and placenta failure.

She had a bit of jaundice but I did receive steroids at 33 weeks with the intention of having a c section within days of that.

But she was fine, other than the jaundice, being small and needing formula top ups after breast feeding she was fine.

I’m not sure how it works but you can only ask. It sounds like you’re having a really tough time and stress isn’t good for you or the baby.

@Stroan this is something that is concerning me too. I've been having some scary thoughts and been in a pretty dark place, on and off, but it seems to be escalating at the moment to the same kind of things as you - even fantasised about having a car crash to bring on early labour. Obviously something I absolutely wouldn't do, but I was googling and imagining all sorts of scenarios where they would have no choice but to either get the baby out now or for it to bring on labour myself. Again, I'm not worried that I would actually act on these "fantasies" but it does scare me that I'm even thinking about them as what-ifs because I would never want to put myself or my baby in any danger.

The way I was feeling this morning, whilst crying and screaming in pain, was scary. I don't feel like that now, despite the pain being just as bad, but I don't want it to start becoming more frequent! I just want to bond with my baby and this is not helping.

@WinterCat oh right yeah I've definitely heard of both of them - there are various members of my immediate and distant family that have one or the other or both x

Not unreasonable at all, but a major cough after c section is no fun. It really hurts.

@MintyMabel I know but it just won't shift. I've had it since Xmas and it isn't showing any signs of going. Plus I had a taster of what it will be like after a c section because of the tears in my abdomen - they're around where my previous c section scar is and also around my appendix scar. Every time I cough or sneeze those muscles are agony.
The only good thing about having broken ribs is that the pain from coughing, sniffing and sneezing has mostly been deferred to my rib cage for the time being so I'm not really even feeling it down there at the moment! 🥴
At the end of the day I have to have a c section and unless this cold/cough goes between now and then (be that in a week or 4 weeks) I'm gonna have that to deal with anyway 😔

I had a planned section at 37 weeks, no issues with me or baby prior, the hospital brought it forward purely because of staffing issues. I also had a bad cough at the time and it’s horrendous coughing after a section. Me and baby were fine afterwards. Good luck

I had ds at bang on 37 weeks by emcs after a failed induction started at 36+4 due to pre eclampsia, ds was 6lbs 4 & never had any problems, I also wasnt given any steroids for his lungs.

Just a little update, because I got some great advice on here and hate it when OP's don't update and give closure...

By the time I went in for my appointment with the consultant I was in a better state mentally and my sickness had stopped for a couple of days, along with the coughing, which gave my ribs a rest. I didn't bother asking for them to bring it forward as I know if they baby can stay in me for as long as possible, it's better for him and I felt much more able to power through.

I'm still booked in for the c section for next Monday so literally counting down the days now and the finish line is in sight and I don't feel so disheartened. Although I know baby is engaged and it's like having a ball between my legs and the cramps I'm feeling around my crotch and groin are excruciating... I can cope for what I know will be a maximum of one more week! If I last that long without going into natural labour.

Thank you for sharing your advice and experiences with me at a very dark and desperate time for me.

Much love and gratitude to you all xxx

Hi OP.

I had my daughter via planned c section last August at 37 weeks and 2 days.

Tell them your issues. The consultant will listen to you.

Hi OP, good to read your update. Good luck!

Having had HG (although nowhere near as many extra complications) and being a midwife, I can see both sides of this argument and there will never have been a neat solution that everyone agrees with so I’m glad you’ve improved enough to wait for your date.